


Star Secrets - a spirk story

by magicalcookie664



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Abuse, Arguments, Assault, Bite marks, Bottom James T. Kirk, Captivity, Captured, Crazy Jim, Cuddles, Cute, Danger, Depressed Bones, Depression, Drunk Bones, Drunk Jim, Drunk Spock, Eating Disorders, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Funny, Gay, Healing, Hickeys, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Kisses, Love, Marking, Multiple ships, Near Death, OCs - Freeform, Past Abuse, Pon Farr, Rape, Rivalry, Sad, Self Harm, Sexual Assault, Sexual Tension, Spock - Freeform, Star Trek - Freeform, T'Paige x Scotty, Tension, Violence, boyboy, captainkirk, character death not major, commanderspock, crazy spock, cute little moments that make you smile, insaneeee, intoxicated, jamestkirk, jealous bones, jim snoring, kirk - Freeform, kirkspock - Freeform, kirkxspock - Freeform, later depressed jim, later depressed spock, loveeeeeeee, mega angst moments, posssible hint of mckirk, random stuff, read it and give my story a chance you may like it, smut later on, spirk, spock has a sassy sister T'Paige, story line
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-03 13:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 47,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17285348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalcookie664/pseuds/magicalcookie664
Summary: Just copying and pasting from my wattpad @magicalcookie664.Jim/Spock."What do you call this? You think you're helping anyone? You're not. You lie. You're fake. You're not the captain you used to be. What happened, down there, Jim? I can't get a word out of Spock. You trust me, at least, you used to.  You say I'm lying, huh? If I am, answer me this: what are you really doing with Spock every night? Dr Konos took you guys for a reason.. didn't he?"Spirk.Bones is Jealous.Jim is really not okay...SEQUEL SOON TWT





	1. Setting Off

**Author's Note:**

> As I said i am copying this from me wattpad account but i will attempt to put whatever new parts create there as soon as possible. :) Tha first chapter. Idk if I should call him Kirk or Jim. Hmm. Guess I'll just pick one. Sorry if there are any mistakes. Enjoy! XD

Kirk Pov

Getting the Enterprise ready for another intergalactic mission requires a lot of energy and a lot of patience. I can do both... sometimes. It takes a few days of labour and shouting at Scotty for throwing in the wrong weapons and ordering people about before we're finally done. I sigh, passing my hands through my unkempt hair. Finally. I turn around just in time to catch Spock and Bones heading up the ramp and into the starship. I walk briskly towards them and follow them up the ramp also, a huge grin spread across my face despite the stress of the work. It's just something about boarding the Enterprise again that brings back memories along with a fresh load of nostalgia. The ramp closes up behind us, encapsulating us all once again within the friendly walls of the starship. This place feels more like home than my actual house. I'm still ashamed of the reason I first joined Star Fleet, only trying to carry out and better the words of a dare. But I try my best not to think about that, but that also rules out thinking about my father, which is a much harder task to do by far. Sometimes I wonder how I manage it. When we arrive at the bridge I take my seat once again in the ornate chair that has been mine for a good number of years now. Even though it had to be replaced after the last mission, where we nearly lost everything, it still feels more or less like the same chair. A fact I am gracious for.

"Where are we heading, captain?" I nearly jump as I hear the voice of Spock, as brief and serious as ever, from the chair not far of off mine. Obviously, my chair is the best chair, but that's not the point. I remember his question and turn my head to face the Vulcan. Our eyes meet. I really like his eyes, and his ears. They're so spiky and cute. 

"Captain?" Spock inquires. I jump, feeling embarrassed upon realising that I had just been sitting there staring at him with my mouth open like I was shocked. 

"Oh, right, yes... commander Spock.. " I trail off as I realise I've totally forgotten the question I was asked. Spock gives me a look I've never seen from him before. As usual, it practically shows not emotion at all, but this time it shows something else, something I don't think he wants me to see. Im not quite sure what emotion it is. 

"Where we we going, captain?" Sulu asks, the sound of his vaguely foreign voice brings be back to the present. 

"Some new galaxy. I'm in the mood for some new planets." I reply, grinning. It's so good to be back on the Enterprise again.

He nods,"Got it, captain." I feel uncomfortable, like someone is watching me. I turn around, a little unnerved. Spock turns his head away quickly, suddenly very interested in the wall. I sigh and turn my attention back to the Enterprise. It means nothing, right? 

"Sulu, punch it." I order, my grin taking form once again. I don't watch Sulu's hand as it slides the lever into place. That would be terribly boring. I stare out the huge glass window into the vastness of dark starry space, as pinpricks of light become huge bright rays and we're ricocheted off into the warp. I smile. There is a reason I chose this. I'm sure I can feel eyes staring at me, burning into the back of my head. I turn again, but whoever it was is invisible to me.

Spock Pov  
I was almost caught staring at the captain again. That would've been highly illogical and impossibly hard to explain. Ever since his near death, I've experienced complicated and illogical feelings that I cannot even begin to explain. I don't know how and I don't know why. But something is making me attracted to James Tiberius Kirk, the captain of the USS Enterprise. And my best friend. It is staring to distract me from the important work on the bridge, which is something that must be fixed. The human half of me is begging me to tell him how I feel, but the Vulcan half sneers at that as an idea and votes it the most illogical idea I've ever had. It's an inner battle I must never show to the other crew of this starship, especially not the captain. He's probably straight- no he is straight, I know that. There is no reason why I should be thinking about him so much. It just isn't logical. 

"Are vou all vite commander?" It takes all the energy I have not to jump as I hear Chekov's words. 

I turn and give him my most blank expression,"Yes, of course." When I turn back I catch Captain Kirk turning his eyes away from me. At least I'm not the only one caught red handed today. It brings little illicit comfort. I turn my eyes to the huge curved glass window that overlooks the immenseness of space. The vaguely blue rays of light engulfing us that signify we are passing through warp speed begin to dissipate, thinning and eventually leaving us travelling at our normal speed in a clearly different side of space. There are no planets in sight. I glance at the captain quickly, unsure if we're where we're supposed to be. His eyes are fixed on the empty blackness outside the wide window, his brow furrowed, clear confusion showing on his face. He stands up. Naturally, I do too. 

"Chekov, check the coordinates," he orders. 

"Yes keptin." Chekov replies, getting straight down to it. I find my gaze drifting from the curve of his back as he's bend gently over the monitor onto Kirk, standing stock still and staring uncertainly into the void. My eyes follow the curve of his jaw. My cheeks feel hot. What is wrong with me? I make note to ask Dr McCoy about the matter later. Now we have more pressing problems. Where are the six or seven planets that are supposed to be located exactly around here? I walk as calmly as I can over to Captain Kirk and join him in staring silently outside. His head turns and he gives me a stressed smile. I turn away so he can't see the green blush coating my cheeks. I love his smile. 

"Ah, keptin. It not make any senze. This ez the right place," Chekhov says, looking up and giving the captain and I a worried look.

I turn back to look at Kirk, but he's deliberately staring away, a mixed expression on his face. I feel like I've done something wrong, but I'm Vulcan, used to not showing any emotion. I may be good at logic and numbers but when it comes to this I'm stumbling in the dark, unaware whether I'm reaching out to a warm helping hand or a cold hard brick wall. After a while of checking grids and rubbing numbers we retire for the night (by we I mean the Captain and I) into our rooms. Since I am technically second in command and he is first it command, it is only logical we share one of the starship rooms. We enter in an awkward silence, neither talking about the problems of today or talking about anything at all. He changes out of his work attire and sits down in the middle of his bunk, an odd expression on his face. I, however, remain in my uniform and take a seat on the edge of my bed. I'm supposed to be relaxing, but it feels the opposite right now. How can I relax when I have so much to think about? The troubles of this seemingly empty catacomb of space and the devastating reality that Kirk will never feel the same way as I do. If I showed emotions, I would sigh. But I don't, so I keep quiet, my eyes fixed on a point of nothingness in the air and thinking about things that will never be.


	2. Planet Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One question. where are the planets?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter. XD Hope you enjoy this! XD

Kirk Pov

It's mostly silent in our room, the only sounds are the vague whirring of the air con and the voices of the crew around the ship, muffled so much they are barely audible. I glance at Spock. He's looking away from me at the wall, his eyes fixed on something unknown to me. I feel stupid. Is it so wrong that I like him- really like him? I don't know. In the small periods of time we weren't on the Enterprise and exploring the more wilder realms of space the feelings would swamp me, all consuming affection and a terrible uncontrollable wanting. Wanting for what I can only ever guess. I get up and begin to pace the room, my head a mess. 

I hope I'm not as much of an open book as Bones suggested, but when Spock stands up too and asks in his usual emotionless voice,"Are you alright, captain?" I realise that I probably am. I stop pacing and stare at him. I notice that his eyes are fixed on me, an unblinking gaze of pure stillness. His hair is perfect, not a single strand out of place. I suddenly have the urge to do something stupid, but I manage to refrain myself. 

I nod and reply in what I hope is a normal manner,"Yeah, course."

He raises one of his eyebrows, clearly indicating that he doesn't believe me. 

I give him a grin and say,"Come on Spock, were not working at the moment, call me Jim." 

His eyes seem to widen at this but he turns away quickly, not saying a word. 

I turn away too, feeling embarrassed and rejected. What? Why am I feeling this way? I am the captain of the USS Enterprise; I need to start acting like it. 

"Cap- Jim, I hardly see how this is any more helpful in locating the whereabouts of the missing planets," he replies levelly. 

I glance back at Spock. His eyes are on me. And such eyes.... god.... They are mesmerising, a luxurious hue of chocolate brown so deep I feel I'm being sucked inside. Neither of us speaks. It hurts so bad, knowing that he'll never love me. He's a Vulcan. He's emotionless. Yet- no, it's stupid to get my hopes up. There is not point in hoping that maybe he'll like me. I know the truth. He won't. I need to stop dwelling on this and move on. Easier said than done. I think back about the planets. I sigh, finally tearing my gaze away from Spock's eyes. 

He opens his mouth to speak but before a single word escapes it there is a loud knock on the door. My neck snaps around to face it. My heartbeat doubles, though I don't even know why. 

"Jim... Spock? Are you in there?" I grin as I hear Bones's uncertain voice sounding through the closed door. I walk over and open it, revealing a very stressed looking Bones. Spock appears beside me. 

"What's the problem?" I enquire, leaning across the doorway and backing my hand on one side. It makes me more relaxed, and I need to be if we're in store for bad news. 

"Its- god man, just look at this!" He demands, and his PADD is thrust in my face. I take ahold of it and move it a little further away from my face and glance at the screen. It's a series of photographs of the planets that are supposed to be here.

My mouth drops open, because among the group is a starship. A starship is not a planet. The photograph looks old, the machine in question even more so. 

Spock leans over my shoulder to get a good view. "That is a Vulcan ship," he remarks, his voice unchanging even upon mentioning his old destroyed home planet. I know he cares about Vulcan, after he nearly killed me when I insulted his past. I feel extremely guilty for that.

"What I want to know, is what a Vulcan ship is doing in a group of planets," Bones says, his voice a good deal calmer now.

I nod,"Same here, Bones. We'll have a look at it," I reply, turning with the PADD still in my hands, to the open door. 

"Good," he answers.

I walk back into our room and sit down on my bed again. I'm confused and tired. This doesn't make sense. I just want to forget all about our planet problems and go to sleep. Without acknowledging Spock in any way, I lie back against my pillows, the PADD tight in my hands, and fall instantly asleep.

Spock Pov

At first, I try to keep my gaze away from the sleeping Kirk, but I can only keep that up for so long, before my eyes find themselves staring at him. He looks adorable sleeping. I walk over and sit in the end of his bed, admiring his face. His eyes are gently closed, his eyelashes softly touching his cheeks. I notice the PADD in his hands. I lean forward and snake my arms out slowly towards it, trying as hard as I can not to wake him up. As my fingers touch his they seem to tingle. I gently pry his fingers off of the PADD and take it from him, where I proceed to place it on the table in the middle of the room, where we have spent countless evenings playing chess. I then turn back to him, my gaze lingering on his lips. I fight the painful urge I have to kiss him. I notice a small trail of drool streaking a thin line down from his half open mouth. I feel myself blushing. Without thinking I reach my hand forward and touch my forefinger to the corner of Kirk's mouth where the drool is. I don't even know what I am doing anymore. He stirs. I quickly snatch my arm away and get up, blushing harder than I ever have. I take a seat on the edge of my bed. I slowly bring my finger up to my mouth and lick it. If I can't kiss him, this is the closest I'm going to get.

(//I'm not messed up you are! >w< //)

When my blushing dies down I glance back at the confusing pictures on Dr McCoy's PADD. I'm sure I've seen that starship before... I just can't put my finger on where. I sigh. I'm angry at myself, which is tremendously unusual for me and Vulcan's in general. I wish I could remember the details on this ship. But it's not like I can just go to Vulcan is it? I sigh again. This is all agonisingly confusing and illogical. But it's happening. I just wish I knew why. What part does Vulcan have in all of this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shitty, I know. I'm trying not to go straight into the love and stuff. I want it to build up gradually. Hope you liked it despite the shittiness and weirdness. XD


	3. Can't Stop Staring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock just won't quit staring at each other. Spock goes to Bones seeking help for his love affairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy, third chapter. Hope the story is ok so far. XD. Enjoy la chapter.

Kirk Pov

The next day is very stressful on the bridge. I don't know whether to keep the ship here in hope of figuring out some extra information or to just warp away and forget all about this. But then, if I just left, that would be wrong. I wouldn't be fulfilling my duties as a captain if I turned away when things began to go wrong. So I know I can't abandon these planets. They can't have just disappeared. It just- doesn't make any sense at all. We're all crowded around Bones's PADD, eyes transfixed on the simple but impossibly confusing pictures. What does it all mean. 

"How vong ago ver vey taken?" Chekhov asks, finally glancing up from the screen. 

I look around until I find Bones (who would usually be down with medical, if it were any situation other than this) and repeat the question.

"Doesn't say," he replies, his voice low," But they're the most recent ones."

I nod, and find my eyes being drawn to Spock again. It hurts just looking at him. I know we're never going to be anything more than what we are now. But then- what are we now? I thought we were good friends, but it seems as though we may not even be that. Ugh, what am I thinking? Friends? He's a Vulcan. He doesn't care. I force myself to tear my gaze away, angry and hurt. Let's hope no one notices. I glance around quickly and sigh quietly in relief when I am greeted by just more stares at the PADD. No one saw. It goes on this way for a few more minutes, silent observations of the photos and me trying with all of my willpower not to look Spock's way. 

Then Sulu looks up and says,"That's a Vulcan ship,"

My eyes immediately find Spock's.

He looks away, and replies with a tone of practiced indifference,"Indeed," Does he not care that his own race or even family could have something to do with the planets disappearance? Of course he doesn't, I tell myself, he never cares about anything. Why does that thought hurt me so much? I think back to the time I nearly died. That was the first time he ever opened up to him. I saw him in a new light. But... it's like he's changed. Or gone back to it caring. Or maybe neither. But whatever it is, I don't like it. I try to think of why I'm attracted to Spock.... but I can't find an answer than isn't "everything about him" or something revoltingly mushy like that, so I push the thought out of my head, determined to focus on work from now on. After all, someone has to be in control.

Spock Pov

I feel like Kirk is unhappy with me. Every time a glance at him, I see him blatantly staring at anything and anyone but me. 

I sigh internally and decide that now is the best time to speak with Dr. McCoy. I turn to him and in the most emotionless voice possible say,"Dr. McCoy, could I have a moment to discuss an important personal matter?"

He nods slowly, sneaking a look at someone behind me. 

I turn just in time to catch Kirk turning away, an unreadable expression on his face. I wonder what it means. I follow Dr McCoy out into the elevator.

He turns to me, a look of slight confusion mixed with what I guess might be humour- I'm not that good at reading human emotions. "What is it, Spock?" He asks after a few moments of silence. 

I'm not certain how to explain the way I feel. It's never something I like to think about, let alone talk about. But we're here now.

"I think I may be, what you humans call 'in love' with someone," I explain, glancing back at him and hiding my growing anxiety with a plain empty mask.

His mouth stretches into an elaborate grin,"You do, huh? Well- who is it, hob gob? You sure know how to pile on the suspense." 

I just give him a cold stare and reply,"Captain Kirk," 

His eyes grow wide, so wide in fact that I have to make sure he's not having a heart attack. 

"Dr McCoy, are you alright?" I ask. 

"Oh my god... the hob gob has feelings..." he mutters, his shocked face turning into what seems to be a tired looking smirk. Whatever said 'smirk' is. 

"Of course I have feelings," I reply sharply,"I just am accustomed to suppressing them." 

He laughs,"Oh, this is just too good. So... when was the first time you fell in love with him, huh?" He demands, leaning against the side of the elevator, his eyes glinting with some strong emotion I cannot decipher. 

"I would mind, Dr, if you didn't pry so much," I reply, keeping my voice even and neat. No need to give him anything unwarranted. 

He raises his eyebrows,"Ooo I didn't know you were the secretive type," he croons.

"This is illogical, Dr, I confined in you for advice, not some pitying attempt of narcissism." I snap. 

He sighs,"Look, Spock. Not to burst your bubble, but Jim's more a short time player, than a long time lover." 

Somewhere deep inside, his words sting. 

"I fail to see where bubbles come into this, Dr," I reply, allowing a certified amount of confusion to enter my voice.

He laughs in a deprecating manner,"Course you don't. What I'm saying is that he can't be what you'd want him to be."

Inside, something clicks. But I bury the anger deep and reply with as little contempt as I can manage, "Irrelevant. I'm not enquiring as to your opinion, I'm asking you what I should do." 

He nods, his expression vaguely thoughtful,"I know what you're here for, hob gob. I think you should tell him. Not yet though."

I nod, and bite back the spiteful reply brewing inside me. We may argue, but we at least have some things we agree on. And this is one of them. I just hope we're right. 

I don't know what I will do if we're wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter is alright. Literally no one is reading this but oh well it's Spirk and that's all that matters. XD


	4. Beyond Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol forces herself on Jim in Spock's absence on the bridge. No one knows quite what to think, especially Spock when he finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this story is ok so far. If there are any things you would like me to change just say so. XD

Kirk Pov

I watch as Spock and Bones leave to talk in the elevator. A strange feeling a lot like jealously overcomes me. I turn to go after them, but as soon as I do, Carol comes flying into the room, calling my name in an overly seductive manner. Before Spock, I would have welcomed it. Not anymore. I'm sick of one night stands, of meaningless sex, of kisses where I feel nothing, nothing at all. I've never had feelings for anyone like I have for Spock. 

I turn, plastering on a smile, and reply in an overly platonic voice,"Hey, Carol,"

Her smile is tremendously huge, her teeth shiny and pearly white. 

I hate perfect things. I glance at the rest of the crew quickly, still bent over the PADD. 

Carol notices my distraction and reaches out and snatches my hand. "Let us go somewhere more.. private," As the words leave her mouth she pulls my wrist, passing in front of me so that she breathes straight into my face as she utters the word 'private'.

"Carol wai-" I protest, but stop abruptly as she yanks my arm ferociously her way and smashes her too perfect lips onto mine. 

This is the first time in a kiss where I do nothing. I stand here, frozen, the unuttered words playing across my lips silently just in the way Carol's mouth is.

She slides her hands across my waist.

I want to yell 'stop' but my voice won't obey me. 

Finally, after what feels like a terrible eternity, she pulls away, her eyes on me and radiating ferocious lust. I bet she didn't even notice I didn't kiss her back. 

"Ohh.. Jim~" she purrs, her voice silky smooth, words strung together.

I throw up a little in my mouth. I really hate her. 

She leans in again, trying to kiss again. 

I back away, panicking. I don't want this. I want Spock. I want- 

I slam back into the hard wall of the Enterprise. 

Carol stops, her arms reached out, her eyes on me.

"Jim, what's wrong?" She asks politely.

You. You are wrong. 

At this point it turns out everyone in the bridge is staring our way, shocked expressions clear. 

I close my eyes and open them, then push away from the wall, turning from the faces of my crew and Carol, and leave the room in silence. 

I immediately catch the murmur of voices behind me as I head back to my room. Well, mine and Spock's room actually. I thrust the door open with as much force as I can and storm inside. I'm so angry. Why am I so angry? Ugh, why does Carol have to love me? Why can't it be Spock? He's going to hate me now, if he doesn't already. I groan and collapse on my bed, pressing my face into my soft pillow. I ball my hands into fists and grip the blankets, screwing my eyes tight shut in an attempt to stop the tears. A few leak out and stain the blankets, a few small dark dots among the vastness of the bed.

Spock Pov

When I return back to the bridge after speaking with Dr McCoy, I notice that the captain is not there. His absence hurts more than I would ever be able to let on. I also I notice that everyone is talking quickly among themselves, most of the attention on Carol in particular. I try not to frown. Sadness is a human emotion. One I shouldn't feel. It takes a few strides to reach the huddled group. 

"Where is the captain?" I ask in a tone devoid of emotion. Inside I'm a 'mess' as humans would call it. My thoughts are of the captain- Jim, and Jim alone. They spiral perpetually around, attacking and putting up a dangerous fight against my not so sturdy anymore walls. Who knew it would be this hard to purge all emotion?

Uhura turns to me, her expression one of uncertainty,"He left." 

I proceed,"What are the circumstances that he left on?" I question, only just managing to win the battle against the building emotions. I haven't felt this helpless in 9.3 years. 

She pauses, her eyes meeting mine with regard,"Him and Carol- they kissed. Then he left," 

I turn away and leave as quick as I can without seeming too unusual. My breaths come out irregularly. Jim and Carol. Something deep inside me aches terribly. I knew he was straight, yet I continued to feel these irrational feelings for him. I don't understand it. I come to the conclusion that Jim is probably in our shared quarters, so I head there, the only sounds around me the vague buzz of electronic materials and the muffled murmur of faraway voices. When I reach the door I give a subtle knock, as it is polite unless he is changing. In the silence that seconds my knock, my mind begins to picture things I can't control. I can't stop imagining the cap- Jim naked. The thought consumes my brain, taking over everything I almost push the door open to see if he really is. I don't know what's wrong with me. This is unlike anything I have ever felt before. The door opens and I look up, clearing my face of all emotion possible in the short time available. 

I open my mouth to speak but all my breath is stolen from me by how mesmerising he looks. 

His hair messily tousled as he leans rather casually in the door frame. Then I notice that is not casual- he looks deflated. His eyes are red and watery as if he's been crying and he bares dark bags under his eyes. 

"Jim, are you alright?" I question in my usual tone as soon as my voice returns. 

His eyes widen at 'Jim' but he says nothing. A second passes. 

"May I come in?" I ask, hating the stiffness in my voice. I sound so uncaring. Why. Does. It. Matter? Of course it matters. It's Jim. And I love him. My heart warms at the thought. Yes. I love Jim. 

He nods and turns away, abruptly heading into the room. I follow suit, a little awkwardly. I take a seat in my bed and he on his. Then we both just sit. In silence. Not a word or a movement passing between either of us. Damn, this is beyond awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy and sketchy asf sorry. XD


	5. The Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock accidentally calls Jim "ashaya". They have a small argument. Nothing major.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gonna be bad but anyways yeahhh XD

Kirk Pov

I try not to look at Spock, therefore keeping my eyes fixed on the ground, a stable concrete object that I can latch onto. I'm angry at Carol. I know it's wrong to be, as she isn't to know I love Spock. Hell, no one is to know that. Still, it doesn't reduce the the result. 

"Captain, may I speak with you?" I glance up halfheartedly as I hear Spock's question. Our eyes lock. 

I sigh, then say in the most sick-of-everything voice I have ever used,"Just call me Jim, you bastard," Usually, I would add a smirk or something and the end but I'm not really into that at the moment. Everything right now is real. This is our real friendship, and I'm about to fuck it up. I close my eyes and sit in the 'darkness', mulling over everything that has taken place in the past few hours. The only inkling I receive that Spock has joined me Is the gentle shift in the mattress, as it bends to hold both of our weights. 

"Lieutenant Uhura informed me of your incident on the bridge," he speaks, his voice an emotionless monotone. 

I just want him to feel something for once. Once! Is it really too much to ask? I guess it must be. 

I open my eyes and turn my head to face him. "I thought as much," I reply.

"Well, as it is customary in your culture I give you m-" I cut him off before his sickening speech can continue any longer. 

"You think I actually wanted her to do that?" I ask, giving him my hardest stare,"You actually..." I don't finish, as the confusion and anger is clouding my mind.

"I don't follow your logic, Jim," he replies brusquely, his eyebrow raised a little.

My breath catches in my throat. I love it when he does the eyebrow. Yeah, it can be intimidating, but it's also cute. I find my gaze travelling to his lips. I can't tear my eyes away. I wonder what they would feel like against mine. Are they as soft as they look? How am I to ever know? I realise I've subconsciously leant closer to Spock. My shoulder is touching his. I can't suppress the small smile that etches it's way onto my face. I glance back at Spock's face, a small sigh escaping my mouth. 

"What I was trying to convey to you before, Jim, is that I am happy for both you and Carol," Spock speaks, his voice tight.

Wait- what? I gaze into his wonderful dark coloured eyes and notice something. Something he hasn't covered up. Pain. Oh shit. Have I hurt him in some way? If there was any chance of him liking or even loving me before then it has been shattered now. 

"I told you, we're not together!" I exclaim, glaring at him. No. No. I'm not angry at Spock. I'm angry at Carol. I need to shut up. 

He stands up, his eyes filled with a dark cloud, though his face is clear. "What are you, then?" He retorts, his gaze icy. It seems the only emotions he has are anger or none. 

I close my eyes and open them again. "I don't.. I don't know, Spock. But she kissed me. Not the other way around," when he doesn't reply I snarl,"Why do you even care!?" 

For a second, I can see everything- or, most of it anyways. His eyes widen, and he opens his mouth in a little gasp, confusion, anger and hurt rippling off of him. Wow. He does have emotions in there somewhere. Ok, I need to shut up. Of course he has emotions. He's Spock. God, this is making me love him even more. But I can never have him. Ever. He's a Vulcan and I am human. He is Spock and I am the captain of the USS Enterprise. Everything I want is so close... but still a million miles away.

Spock Pov

"Why do you even care!?" Jim snarls, his beautiful blue eyes full of anger and hurt. 

I can't stop the small gasp that escapes my mouth. My walls slip away, just for a second, as I try to understand the words he's just said. He knows I care about him, right? This is all too illogical. I don't understand what I am supposed to do. 

When I finally find my voice again I reply,"Because you're my friend, Ashaya," as soon as the word leaves my mouth I start, clapping a hand over my mouth, too shocked at my slip up to counter it with any lame excuse I could possibly conjure. 

He stands up too, confusion etching along his features, when he asks,"What? What did you call me?" 

I shake my head, brushing it off,"Nothing, Jim." 

His eyebrows draw together, as he contemplates my answer. Then he says,"No. Tell me what it means," 

I can't tell him. He clearly does not feel the same way I do. It would be desperately illogical. 

"It means nothing, Captain," I reply, using my cold hard voice. I can't let him think it matters. I can't believe I called him 'my love' in Vulcan. 

"Fine," he snaps, anger creasing his beautiful face.

I want so desperately to reach out, pull him into my arms and kiss him until we can't breathe. But I can't. I can't do that. I don't know how to control these feelings, but I'm going to have to try. If I don't, he'll hate me. I know he will. I'm a Vulcan. This is not logical. This is not logical. Yet I want it. I want it so much it makes my heart ache. Dr McCoy's words run though my head.

"He's more a short time player than a long time lover," I sigh, turning around and flopping uselessly into my bed. 

"He can never be what you need him to be," Maybe he is right. Maybe all I'm doing is reaching in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Any thoughts? I'm not fully familiar with the Vulcan language so if I got that wrong please tell me. Bye. XD


	6. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's night. But Jim just can't stop crying. Spock finally admits his true feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you want lovey action in the next chapter or should I hold it a little longer? Enjoy bishes XD //)

Kirk Pov

I lie in bed, facing the wall and away from Spock, mulling over our most recent conversation. Well, conversation is a little light. It was a bit more fierce than a casual chat. But then, when has Spock been casual? I don't know. Sometimes I wish I didn't have these feelings for him, as it would be much simpler to go on with life, being the captain of the USS Enterprise, fulfilling a great title in Star Fleet. Yet, there is a part of me, deep inside, that keeps telling The that that isn't enough. I want it to be enough. I want that to be everything I always do. I don't want things to change. But... it's not enough. Every time I look at Spock, the realisation hits me again and again. I'm in love with him. I want him. I need him. But what can I possibly do? Sure, I can order people on this ship to obey my command, but I can't force someone to love me. It's infuriating, knowing that he's lying right across from me and I can't do anything about it. That I can't be with him. I clench my fists and glare at the walls. If I had laser eyes, the ship would be on fire by now. I'm confused. I still don't know what Spock called me. He says 'Asha' or 'Ashaya' or something. What does it mean though? I hate the fact that he brushed it off and said it was nothing. Like hell it was nothing. Want to scream. I want to punch someone. I want to- tears burn in my eyes and I furiously blink to brush them away. One escapes, treading a cold track down my cheek. I breathe out, but my breath is shaky. I'm the damn captain here, why don't I feel like it? I sigh. I can't stop seeing Spock's face. His deep brown eyes fixed on me with so much intent, his hair perfectly cropped and obviously soft, and his ears. His spiky ears that I do terribly want to bite and nibble on. I'm being stupid. But then again, aren't I always stupid? The thought brings a small smile to my lips. But it disappears almost immediately as soon as I think about what Spock will do if he ever finds out. Hell hate me, call me illogical and won't be friends. He'll hate me. Everyone will. Another tear escapes. No. Hell no. I roll over and press my face into the pillow, trying to stop the sobs from escaping. Spock's face flashes up in my mind, again and again. The way his face looked, broken, with a tear streaking his left cheek, the day I died. Well, kind of died. I screw my eyes right shut, willing the tears to stay in. This is stupid. I am stupid. Without warning, something inside me breaks and I begin to sob, as quietly as I can, into my pillow. 

Spock's right; My whole life is illogical.

Spock Pov

I stare at the ceiling, illogical thought patterns already formulating in my head. I am as conflicted as I was as a child, and at the destruction of my home planet. I can't stop thinking about Kirk. His bravery, willing to sacrifice his life for the lives of the crew. His smile, I would do anything for. His laugh, that makes me want to laugh too. (Although I don't as that would be illogical.) His eyes his- an unfamiliar sound interrupts my chain of thought. I sit up, hiding my unease. The sound occurs again, located from Kirk's side of the room. I slide my legs over the edge of the bed, but do not get up yet. I sit stick still, listening intently. It occurs again and this time I am sure if what it is. A sob. Immediately I am filled with a strong desire to get up and comfort Jim. But I don't. I don't know how he would take it, especially after what happened before, and what I called him. The sobbing continues again, small, heartbreaking sounds in the same timbre as Jim's voice.

I get up. I can't just sit here and listen. 

"Jim?" I call,"What is wrong?"' My voice sounds illogically loud in this dark quiet room. 

When the only answer I receive is a semi-quietened sob I call again,"Jim?" 

Silence. Utter silence. I make my way slowly towards his bed. In the darkness, it's impossible to tell where I am going. 

"Jim?" I say once more, glancing around in the blackness. 

"Spock?" His voice finally replies, sounding dead and tired. 

"Jim, what is wrong?" I repeat my earlier question only to be greater by more silence and another small sob. 

"I'm f..fine, Spock. Just g..go to bed.." he instructs, his voice trembling. 

"Cap- Jim, you are clearly not alright. What is bothering you?" I persist, managing to keep my voice normal. 

He mumbles something inaudible.

I finally give up and call,"Computer, lights on, 19.45 % brightness," The lights immediately respond, casting a dim glow onto Jim's bed. I walk over and sit on the floor next to it. "Jim.." I begin, unsure of how to start. I need to tell him hour I feel. I have to. I look up and realise that he's staring at me, his blue bloodshot eyes both sad and curious.

"Spock.. I.." he begins, then blushes and trails off, his eyes sliding around the room. 

I find myself doing the same thing, illogical though it is. But all logic is scrapped when it comes to Jim. I want to kiss him so badly, that I find myself leaning in close to his bed. 

He stares at me intently, his eyes unblinking diamonds. 

I can't help but allow the corners of my mouth to twitch up, just for a second, into the smallest and briefest of smiles. This is it. I'm going to have to tell him I really love him. 

"Jim," I begin,"I should've told you this previously but, I thought it was too illogical. I did not allow it. Now I have no control." 

His eyes focus on me, unmoving, still, watchful.

I continue, in a voice I have never used before. Well, I say voice, it sounds more like a growl,"Jim, I love you,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, whatcha think? It's nearly 3am in my time. DX But I can't post till I get internet so that will be in a few hours sorry lol. Next chapter sooon bishes. XD


	7. You You You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock both love each other. Bones was wrong. Yay :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be updated before but sadly I fell asleep before I could write it (EVEN WITH COFFEE?!?!) but yeah I hope it's good. A new character will be mentioned in a bit and she is Spock's sister but she won't come in for a bit.

Kirk Pov

"Jim, I should've dtold you this previously but, I thought it was too illogical. I did not allow it. Now I have no control." 

As soon as Spock starts talking I find my eyes drawn to him. I can't stop staring, and I brace myself for whatever he's going to say, good or bad. I can't believe this might be the last time I will look at him. What if-

"I love you, Jim," he growls, his eyes dark and hard and lustful, gazing unblinking at me. 

My mouth opens in a gasp but no sound escapes. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I only know what I want to do. So I do that. I wrap my arms tightly around the Vulcan and rest my chin in his shoulder, whispering into his ear with a voice that speaks from my soul. 

"I love you too, Spock. I love you so much."

He hesitates for a moment, before hugging me back. He feels warmer than I expected, but I love it. I love it all. I feel like I'm flying, a highly kite soaring through the sky, above the clouds and above the world. Above anything. And everything is trained on this. 

"Do you feel better now, Ashaya?" Spock whispers. 

I nod into his shoulder, tightening my grip on him. 

He lets out the smallest of chuckles and I grin, pressing my lips to the fabric on his shoulder for a small soft kiss. I pull away from him, without faltering my gaze.

I need to ask. 

"What does Ashay- Ashy- that Ash word. What does it mean?" 

He smiles- actually smiles- his cheeks tinting green in a cute little blush. "Well," he begins, leaning towards me a little,"It is a Vulcan word from my dialect. It means 'my love'." 

I can't stop the huge grin that tugs my lips upwards. And I find that, I don't particularly want to. Bathed in the dim light from the electric lamp by the door, his face looks glorious, gentle, enticing. My whole body aches with the need to touch him, yet I keep my hands on the bed and my arms by my sides, still. 

His eyes slide to the space next to me on the bed, a strange emotion blazing inside them. 

I smirk,"Want to join?" 

He shakes himself, blushing greatly,"Uh.. I.. " 

"Don't be afraid," I whisper, leaning into him and sliding my fingers through his soft warm ones. 

He takes in a sharp breath, eyes wide. Doubt clouds in my mind and I start to let go, but he grips harder, his eyes changing from shock to lust. 

"Don't let go," he growls, his voice sexy and protective and so damn possessive. Is it wrong for me to want this? To love this? It can't be, can it? 

I smile softly, never looking away,"I won't,"

He crawls over me, still keeps our fingers laced together, and takes his place on the bed. 

I yawn and close my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder. 

He moves so that we are even closer and twines our legs together. 

I've wanted this for so long. So many sleepless nights, shed tears, pained silences and doubtful thoughts, and here we are. 

He rests his head against mine, touching his lips to my cheek. 

I blush a little, yawing again. 

After a few minutes of warm silence Spock's voice calls,"Computer, lights off," 

Immediately, the dull warm glow around us fades away, leaving us with only the darkness, and each other. But it's more than enough.

"Jim, are we together now?" Spock whispers, his couch quiet and loud at the same time. 

I groan, snuggling up to him tighter,"In the morning, Spock. Tired now.." I don't stay awake long enough to catch his reply.

JIM'S DREAM:

The planet only has mere minutes left. Thunderous shakes rack the earth, inducing what must be deafening sound for Spock, stuck on the surface of the volcano. Through the comm I hear his voice telling us to leave him there. 

"Spock, were talking about your life!" I yell back, turning my fear into anger. But it doesn't stop me from being afraid, only from sounding afraid. But it's a cheap charade for the rest of the crew. Only Bones and Spock know the truth. "Scotty, get him out of there!" I instruct. 

"I cannae do that, Captain," he replies. 

I click my tongue and turn to Sulu. "Sulu, man the conn, I'm going down," I instruct. 

"Jim, are you nuts? The volcano is -" 

Bones protests, but I cut him off,"I know, Bones. Tell Scotty to beam me down. That's an order,"

He opens his mouth as if to protest some more, but then closes it, as he probably realised it will be of little use.

I hurry through to the transporter room.

(// It's called that, right?//)

I stand on the raised ground and close my eyes. "Scotty, beam me down," I instruct. 

"Are you sure?" He asks. 

Of course I'm sure. This is Spock we're talking about. I'm always sure. 

"Yes! Do it now!" I exclaim. A second later I feel the strangely weightlessness feeling of being transported onto the planet. 

The first thing that hits me is the heat. The ground is crumbling, red hot and shifting in chunks beneath me. None of this is safe. I realise with a pang of regret that I should have come more prepared. I glance around, trying to locate Spock. 

"Spock? Where are you?!" I yell. The smoke is thick, hot and toxic. I cough. 

"Jim?" I nearly jump as I see him, staggering over to where I am, his dark eyes wide. "What are you doing?" He asks. His voice is calm. Why is he so calm? Doesn't he know we're going to die? 

"Saving your life," I reply. 

He shakes his head,"Jim, you don't understand. We're both stuck here now. We cannot disobey the regulations," He turns away, the hot increasing winds blowing his usually perfect hair about. 

A huge crack races through the the ground between us.

"Spock, wait!" I shout, stepping forward. But it's too late. The ground slices in two, and a wall of fiery larva explodes up from the gap, its force pushing me backwards. I crash to the ground, accumulating a few bruises and burns from the burning ground. 

"Spock!" I yell, stepping forward agin, but the force of the terrible larva pushes me back. Finally, the larva dies away into the ground again. I look for Spock, but there's no one there. 

"Spock! Spock! Please!" I choke on the last word, sliding to the crumbling ground, tears sliding down my cheeks. A second passes in agony and then the volcano erupts, sending everything alight in one burning fatal blaze. Then everything goes black.

END OF JIM'S DREAM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeha no space for Spock Pov here :( next chapter out soon. XD


	8. My Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jim just had a nightmare. It's Spock's job to comfort him. ^w^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy hope this is good. Aiming for maybe 80 or more chapters. :p Enjoy! XD

Spock Pov

I'm jolted awake by the struggling of Jim beside me. I sit up and instruct the lights to turn on. They do, this time at 50% brightness. I turn and glance at Jim, my Jim. He seems to be having a nightmare of some sort. I bend down and kiss his cheek. 

He murmurs something indecipherable and rolls over, whining quietly. 

I shake him, beginning to grow worried. "Jim? Jim? Ashaya? Wake up," I say, trying desperately to awaken him.

"Spock!" He yells, thrashing fulling now. 

I grip his arm hard and pin him down to the bed, in order to stop him from harming himself further. 

He struggles in my arms, his eyes closed tight. 

"Jim," I whisper, quieter, and gaze down at him. I love him. This is illogical. All of this. I should be out of Star Fleet, helping with the bulging of new Vulcan, with my father and my sister T'paige. I use my sleeve to wipe the sweat from Jim's forehead. I should be in new Vulcan, but I want to be here. I can't ignore this feeling anymore. It's taking over me. I have to be here with my Jim. 

He's stopped struggling, his body going limp in my arms. I stay looking down at him, caressing his soft wrists with my fingers. 

"Jim," I whisper,"Wake up," 

Two single tears escape his eyes and slide soundlessly down his cheeks, like little glittering tracks of priceless diamond. 

"Spock," he whimpers,"Please, don't die. Don't-" he jolts, his eyes snapping open. 

I clap my hand to his mouth so no one hears his cry. "Jim, Ashaya, it's ok," I whisper, removing my hand from his mouth and using it to carefully stroke his cheek. 

"Spock? You're alive?" He gasps, his shining blue eyes wide. 

I nod,"Of course I am. Whatever happened just then, it was only a dream," 

He swallows and nods, then says, a little more like himself,"Spocky, I didn't know you were the type for this much intimacy on the first day," 

I blush and hurriedly get off of him, muttering 'sorry'. 

He smirks and wipes the tears off of his cheeks,"It's good, Spock. To be honest, I kinda liked it." Now he's the one blushing. 

I smile a little, just a gentle lift to the corners of the lips. So simple. How is it I've never really done this before? It's so easy. It matches how he makes me feel. Gloriously happy. 

"What time is it?" Jim asks with a yawn. 

I glance at the electronic clock by on the wall furthest away, near my bed. "3:05 am," I reply, turning back to him with the small smile still alive.

(//Im going to use hours and minutes because I don't know that much about space time and Star dates.//)

"Shit, we have to get up at 5, don't we?" Jim asks, another yawn escaping him. 

I glance at him. The dark circles beneath his eyes are still there. I nod,"Yes, we do, Ashaya. It is best to get as much sleep possible. You look very tired."

He grins,"Observant of you, Spocky," he jokes, patting the bed space next to him,"Lie down,"

I immediately comply, throwing away any doubt I had that he wouldn't want me back in his bed again. 

He rests his head on my shoulder again, his soft dark blonde hair touching my cheek. 

I blush a little. 

He giggles, awfully childlike but I find that I absolutely adore it. That giggle- it's like nothing I've ever heard before. He's adorable. 

"I love you, Ashaya. Computer, lights off," We close our eyes and fall asleep.

Kirk Pov

(The next morning)

I open my eyes. Faux sunlight filters through the curtains, painting the room in a beautiful picture. It so crystal it takes me a moment to remember the past events of last night. Spock loves me. He actually loves me. 

I grin, overjoyed. That's when I remember that we fell asleep together. 

"Spock?" I call, looking about. 

He's gone. 

I glance around the room but it's all silent, quiet, and very very empty. I jump out of bed, panic seizing me. I don't even think to put my uniform on so when I charge out of our room and into the bridge I'm wearing only my sleepwear. I burst through the doors and am greeted by my very shocked looking crew. 

"Where's-" I stop, my eyes immediately finding Spock's. 

He frowns and strides over to where I stand, blushing profusely and officially embarrassed. 

"Jim," he whispers,"You're awake,"

"Yeah, what time is it? Where were you? You scared me so much!" I exclaim, then realise that I should probably be more quiet. I don't want the whole crew to know Spock and I are dating. That would be awkward. 

"Sulu, take the conn," Spock instructs, taking my hand and leaving me into the elevator. 

"Where were you?!" I exclaim,"I woke up and I didn't know where you were. I thought- I thought- " I can't finish the sentence as tears begin to sting in my eyes, it hurts too much. 

Spock places a hand on my shoulder and steps closer to me, his eyes glittering. "Ashaya, I'm sorry. I wanted to let you rest. But both of us couldn't be off, I'm so sorry I scared you." He wraps his arms around me and I bury my face in his warm chest. 

"I love you, too," I murmur. 

"You're still in your sleepwear." He remarks, pulling away a little and smiling slightly at me. 

"You're my sleepwear," I growl, pulling him closer to me again. 

"Oh Jim," he mutters, laughing quietly,"You're so illogical." 

I smirk, touching my lips to his breastbone. "I know.." I murmur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was itttttt?? XD


	9. How Not To Keep A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones unintentionally walks in on Jim and Spock making out. Also.. Spock is a very possessive mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! At the moment it's seeming a little random, i know. But there is a plot and it should start to become more clear soon. XD

Spock Pov

Jim and I head back into our room so that he can change into something more appropriate for work, and so I can just be with him. I turn away while he gets undressed.

"Spock," he says, after a few moments of slightly awkward silence. 

"Yes, Ashaya?" I reply, fixing my gaze on the wall as to not be tempted to turn around too early. The thought reminds me of every doubt I've felt since last night. What if this is just a game for him? What if it's just another one night stand? What if this means nothing to him? After all, it's happened before. The thought hurts too much, I push it away, just in time, as Jim begins speaking again, his voice so beautiful it erases all the doubt in a second. But I know it will be back. It always is. 

"We can't tell anyone about this, though, promise me we'll keep this a secret." He says. 

I finally turn and smile a little. He really looks great in that yellow captains uniform. Illogically, I believe he looks great in anything. I nod my head curtly, remembering his question. 

He frowns, looking a little confused. Something about the way his blue eyes are fixed on me, his brow slightly furrowed, and the slight gap in between his two lips, overwhelms me with a shed load of feelings for him all at once. I want him to be mine, forever and always. I want him to be my bond mate, my T'hy'la. 

"What is wrong, Ashaya?" I ask quietly, stepping closer to him, so that we're only inches apart. The room around us falls away, leaving me just with him. I reach my hand forward and touch my two fingers to his, in a Vulcan kiss. 

He grins casually, his blue eyes flitting up to mine, adoration clear on his face. 

"Spocky," he whispers, his voice husky, low and extremely dangerous. 

I find a thin smile curving my lips. I step so we're even closer, and bend in to touch my lips to his gently. 

He responds almost immediately, sliding his palms along my sides and pulling me closer to him. 

I groan quietly, hungry for more. This feeling- it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. But this time, I don't want to repress it, to ignore it. In this moment, her with my Jim and hopefully future bond mate, I want to feel. I want to feel everything. I don't even need to try that hard, as the feelings come rushing at me, a delicate dangerous swarm of love and confusion and happiness and sadness and excitement and lust. And this. This unnamable feeling I experience every time our skin touches. It's a bit like pleasure, except so much more. 

Jim touches my bottom lip with his tongue, then whispers, in a low sexy voice that makes me sigh happily,"Open, now.." 

I oblige, allowing him to explore my mouth with his tongue. I gasp as our crotches touch, and a strange twitch frightens me a little. I've never done this before. I've kissed Uhura, true, but it was never like this. This intense, this wonderful, this right. It's so so perfect. It's like this because it's him. It's Jim. And no one else.

Kirk Pov

Spock and I are practically eating each other's faces off by the time Bones arrives, throwing himself through the door with more vigour than I've seen from someone his age in such a simple movement.

Spock jumps away from me quickly, blushing a bright green. 

I just gaze at him lustfully for a second more before turning my eyes to Bones and giving him a lazy grin. "Hey, Bones.." I'm fully aware of the fact that I sound drunk. 

"Shit, Jim. Are you drunk? Holy..." Bones mutters, both confusion and anger showing on his face. 

"Yah," I reply,"But my alcohol is spocky here," I gesture to Spock. 

His face has returned to its normal colour and his expression is blank. Oh great, I don't know what he's feeling anymore. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Bones snaps, his dark eyes angrily trained on me. 

I sigh,"Isn't it obvious, Bones? You're a doctor. I thought you'd at least know about this," I feel myself getting angry, which is never a good sign - bad things always happen when I get angry. 

"Jim, I mean what are you doing with Spock? Dammit Jim, he really cares about you, don't screw with him!" Bones shouts, sighing. 

I take a step back, hurt. Is this how people see me? Just as some pervert who screws with people and then throws them away? I jump a little when I feel Spock's fingers twine with mine. Then I relax, turning to give him a smile. 

He grips onto my arm and leans in to me, a small growling sound emitting from him.

I smile, blushing and rest my head onto of his. "Possessive Vulcan.." I whisper. I glance up and see that Bones has moved a considerable distance away from Spock and I, his eyes wide. 

He looks at Spock, then says one thing,"Looks like I was wrong, hob gob," before he turns and leaves, laughing in a self deprecating way. 

I gaze down at my Spock, and mumble a quiet 'sorry'. 

He gazes up at me, from where he's wrapped around my waist. "It's alright, ashaya. I don't care who knows.. as long as you're mine and mine alone," he growls, pressing his lips to my neck. 

I moan quietly, sliding my arms around him. "I love you, spocky.." I whisper, smiling widely,"I always have." 

He growls quietly again, pressing his face into my chest. "No one else can ever touch you. You're MINEEE.." 

I blush, embarrassed about how his possessiveness makes me so turned on. But honestly, I love it. And I love him even more for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehh was it ok?


	10. Travel Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They plan to head to New Vulcan, to investigate why the planets are gone.

Spock Pov

When we finally arrive back at the bridge, I find it harder than ever to keep my mind on my work. I'm supposed to be working out how to find the missing planets, and to tap into Vulcan history, as an attempt to figure out what has happened to the planets. I have a few ideas, but they all draw up short. I have no idea what I am supposed to don that is a first. It is unsettling, as I always know what I am doing. But this time, it's clouded heavily in a mist, obscuring everything I want to do, need to do and love to do. It only leaves this.

New Vulcan. Nearly all of the remaining vulcans live there, including my father and sister. The planet is still under construction but it must be stable enough for landing on, I'm sure of it. I stand up and turn to Jim, forcing down the urge I have to kiss him as soon as I see his wonderful face. 

He smiles at me, his eyes glinting. "Spock," He says, not a question, but not quiet a sentence either. It has the distinct possibility of being continued. Seductive. Illogical. Adorable. 

The edges of my lips curve up a little. "I believe I know how we can locate the missing planets," I state, trying desperately to keep my voice from slipping into the seductive growl I use with him a lot now," We must travel to new Vulcan and inquire as to the knowledge of the old starship shown on Dr McCoy's PADD, and we must find out what happened to the ship, and the planets." 

He nods, glancing behind him to where Mr Sulu and Mr Chekov are seated, their chairs swiveled around so they can observe our conversation. 

I feel my cheeks heat up a bit, and turn away quickly, not wanting to be spotted like this. Only Jim can see my emotions, for he is my bond mate. I suddenly realise with terrible regret that I haven't even asked him about that yet. What do I do if he says no? No, I must not ask him yet. When we get to new Vulcan, there will be time then. 

Jim turns around, portraying his best im-in-control-so-do-what-I-say-or-else face. "Sulu, set course for new Vulcan," he instructs. 

"Yes, captain," Mr Sulu replies, turning away from us and proceeding to set the coordinates on the screen. 

I turn my gaze back to Jim, and find that he's staring at me, smiling. I reach my fingers out and touch them to his, as inconspicuously as possible. Of course Dr McCoy notices, but I just ignore him. I continue to stare into Jim's eyes. It takes a moment for me to see the sadness in them. 

"What's wrong?" I whisper. 

He shakes his head and turns away,"It's nothing, Spock. I was just being stupid," He gives a little laugh to the end and takes a seat back in his chair. 

I desperately want to join him, but I know that I can't with the rest of the crew here in the bridge. 

"Sulu, take us to warp." Jim commands. 

Sulu nods and I watch as he slides his hand across the switch, sending us into the simple beauty of warp.

Kirk Pov

I can't stop my eyes drifting to Spock. Even in warp speed, where I usually tend to stare out the huge rectangular window, I stare at Spock instead. He's a far more beautiful thing by far. Personally, I'm intrigued to what new Vulcan will hold. The few minutes I had on the original planet were separated between fighting and falling, so no wonder I never really got a chance to explore the atmosphere. It saddens me. The fact that I never got to see where my Spock grew up, I never got to see what he loved so much. The atmosphere was definitely different from earth, that much is understandable. For starters, it's a good deal hotter. And it's not the type of humid rainforest heat either, it's a dry, crispy heat and bound with the feeling of never getting quite enough oxygen, it wasn't exactly my most enjoyable experience. It's not the ideal climate, but Vulcans seem to be fine with it so it can't be that bad. It really can't be, especially as we're going to be spending at least a few days there. New Vulcan will probably have the same climate as the original planet, as they are planning on making a replica. That's all I know. It's not like Spock would really want to talk about anything in detail that could remind him of all he's lost. His mother. His home. His planet.. I don't know what I would do if the tables were turned and it was earth that was destroyed. I guess I never really think about it. I hate how much I seem to take everything I have for granted. I guess it's true, that you never know how much something means to you until you lose it forever. The thought makes me sad. I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen to Spock and I. It will all be ok. I'm not going to take all this for granted. The ship, Spock, my crew. I know now that everything matters, because one decision can change everything, and everything can all be lost in a second. 

I shake myself and turn to the selected amount of my crew around me. "ETA of arrival on Vulcan?" I ask, fixing my eyes on the perfect strands of blue lights flashing past the window. 

"6.5 hours, captain," Spock replies,"I suggest sleep until we arrive at 2 in the morning," 

I can't miss that glint in his eye. Who says vulcans don't feel? 

Well, mine does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH CHEESY ASF ENDING LOL Hope yah enjoyed! XD


	11. The Night Before Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock spend the night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy I'm actually awake to write this. Hope this is ok. Yahhh enjoy. XD

Spock Pov

After Jim and I 'wrap things up' on the bridge, we head back to our room. I can't stop staring at Jim. I want so desperately to kiss him. 

He closes the door behind us, closing us into the four-walled room. Without even waiting for me to turn around, Jim slides off his shirt to reveal his bare chest. 

I can't move. I feel an animal like growl escape my lips. 

Jim's gaze turns onto me, his sparkling blue eyes unsure. "Is there something wrong?" He questions. 

I shake my head, fighting to restrain myself. "No.. everything is right, Ashaya," I reply, my voice strained. Some strange feeling burns inside of me. Like desire. I groan quietly, unable to fight it any longer. "Jim.. a..ashaya..." I growl, pouncing on him, in doing so pinning him to my bed. 

His eyes are wide, unsure and so terribly and beautifully blue that his face overrides every other thought in my head. Damn. Damn. Damn. I love him. I love him. I love him. I need to control myself. But I can't. Because it's him. I bend over his body, dipping my head carefully over his neck. 

"Spock," he begins, but I cut him off before he can continue, by touching my lips to the soft skin on his neck. He's a bit cooler than me, but smells amazing. 

"Ahh..." he gasps quietly, twitching slightly. 

I slip my tongue out and trace small slow circles over his skin. 

He shivers, his heartbeat and breathing accelerating. 

I gently bite his skin, purring loudly as a result the feel of it. 

"Nngmmm Spock~" Jim gasps, his voice breathy and incredibly drunk sounding. 

I lift my head up, admiring the large love mark I've left in his skin. Then I realise how high up it is. Unless he wears a scarf or something with a suffocating collar up to his chin then he's not going to be able to conceal it. "Oh, no," I gasp, realising the seriousness of this fact. 

Jim sits up, yawning, and asking in a slurred voice thick with exhaustion,"Whaats wrooong Spock?" 

I don't know weather to tell him. "I.. might have done that in the wrong place.." I mumble, looking away, too embarrassed to face him full on. 

He yawns loudly. "Done what in the wrong place?" He questions, his eyes wide, a little afraid. 

I lean into him and kiss his nose softly, when I pull away touching my forehead to his. "Don't be afraid. I doubt many will have the courage to ask you about it tomorrow," I whisper, gazing into his blue eyes. 

Realisation dawns on him. "Shit, Spock. Shit. They'll notice all right. Bones'll give me an earful and-" 

I interrupt his increasingly fast muttering with a touch of my lips on his. "I will not allow Dr McCoy to put anything in your ear, ashaya. I, however, have the right to put whatever I wish in your ear," I growl the last bit, moving my mouth to his ear and slipping my tongue inside. 

He gasps quickly, shifting a little on the bed. 

I take my tongue out and instead begin softly nibbling the edge of his ear. It is of much smaller size than mine and the rounded top is by far more pleasing to mess with. 

"Mmm.. Spock that's so good~ " Jim moans, his words a long string of beautiful sounds. 

I pull him close, stroking his soft dark blonde hair with my fingers. 

He buries his face in my neck and murmurs something inaudible. 

"What was that, ashaya?" I ask, moving my hands from his hair to his back, pressing him even tighter against me. 

"What's it going to be like, tomorrow?" He whispers, gazing up at me with sparkling blue eyes. 

"You will love it. That is... I hope you will. If new Vulcan is anything like... like my home planet... then you will love it, ashaya, I assure you." I reply, giving him my small sort of smile that I know he adores. 

He reaches up tiredly with his hand and touches my lips with his fingers. 

I close my eyes, opening my mouth a tiny bit. 

He doesn't move, just says in a voice ridden with yawns,"When we get to new Vulcan, will we have to stop this?" 

My eyes fly open and I instinctively wrap my arms right around him. "No.. nothing will ever stop this. You are mine..... mine, ashaya.." I growl, burying my face in his hair. 

"Yes I am, spocky.." he replies,"I always have been," 

I nod at that, more glad of his acceptance of my possessiveness than I would ever share. I don't doubt him, it's just, complicated. I cannot even begin to understand or explain it myself. I'm a little worried about meeting my father and sister tomorrow after so much time. The last time I saw my sister was before I joined Star Fleet, 7.3 years ago. A lot will have changed. Especially considering the fact that we no longer have our home planet, but a new thing to decorate up as the same. But it's not the same. Below all of the changes they're going to have made, it's still just going to be another planet. It will never be Vulcan in the way Vulcan was and was supposed to be. 

"Spock, you look sad. What's wrong?" Jim questions, hugging me. 

I sigh, resting my chin on the top of his head. "I am merely contemplating the events tomorrow will hold," 

"Me too," Jim replies, his voice only just audible,"What if your dad doesn't think I'll good enough for you?" 

"He has no say in the matter. Whoever I think is right to be my mate is my decision," I reply, pulling him against me possessively. Then I realise that I've just called him my mate. I mean, it's right though isn't it? 

Before I have a chance to say anything else on the matter, Jim let's out a long yawn and groans,"I'm tired spock. Can we just go to sleep?" 

"Yes, ashaya. We can," I whisper, wrapping protectively around him before falling asleep.


	12. New Vulcan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock arrive at New Vulcan. Jim is introduced to Spock's sister, T'Paige.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T'Paige being introduced finally ayy XD. This is just how I think new Vulcan will be like it might not actually be right tho.

Kirk Pov

"CAPTAIN, YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUIRED ON THE BRIDGE IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTES!" 

I jolt awake, breathing hard, listening to the last few words that finish up the announcement over the comm. I groan, rubbing my eyes. It has to be like 2 am or something. 

"Spock?" I question, glancing around the room. 

"Good morning Jim," 

I jump a little, both surprised and pleased to be hearing his voice again. I turn to my right, where the voice is coming from. 

Spock is sitting next to me in the bed- his bed- and gazing at me with eyes full of adoration. I notice the different shades of brown in his eyes. The outer edge of his irises are a dark dark brown, almost black, but the brown gets lighter the closer you get to the pupil in the middle. Adorable. 

I smile, feeling a small blush forming on my cheeks. 

"Jim, you have less than 10 minutes to get ready," Spock remarks, his voice the same tone he uses on the bridge, his work tone. 

I slide off of the edge of the bed slowly, aware of the fact that Spock is following me, causing the bed to creak and groan as it is relived of our weight. 

After Spock and I are ready, I slide my fingers through his and bend in to give him a small kiss on the cheek.

He purrs appreciatively and nuzzles into my neck. 

I smile, content with my beautiful spocky. Content with us. I don't want to let go of him, but I know we have to. I sigh, loosening myself form his grip, before stating,"We need to go," 

He nods, but doesn't make any attempt to move. 

I grin,"Spock, come on. There'll be time for this later," 

He nods vigorously, finally disentangling his limbs from mine. "Yes ashaya, yes there will," he growls, proceeding to swing open the door, open just enough to fit both of us through. 

The lights automatically turn off as we leave the room. We should be back here in around a week, but it really depends on what we find. New Vulcan is totally uncharted territory for me, but not for Spock. I suspect it will dredge up memories from his childhood. I can't stop imagining how cute a little nostalgic Spock would look like. I wonder what he looked like as a kid... With all these thoughts travelling around in my head I only notice now that we have reached the transport room. Ready to be beamed down. The only crew member awake manning this section is Scotty. 

"Hey, Scotty. Ready to beam us down?" I question. 

He nods, his tired looking face cracking into a smile. "Aye, captain," He replies,"She's all yours," he gestures to the circular pads where we are beamed in and out of the ship by. 

Spock and I take our places, not saying a word. 

As the golden rays begin to engulf us, Spock says one more thing. "It is night, captain. If I am correct, the planet will be very cold," 

I have exactly five seconds to process his words. One to think: huh? Two more to think: shit. And the last three to think, more like a scream in my head: damn Vulcan bastard! 

And then we're on the surface of new Vulcan. Spock was right. It is freezing. 

I glance around at the unfamiliar terrain, unable to stop from shuddering as a response to the cold. 

Spock walks up to me and wraps his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder. 

I can feel his teeth chattering more than I can hear them. 

"Sarek informed me prior to our arrival that some of the modifications have not yet been finalised." Spock tells me, his shivering form pressed up against mine.

I swear under my breath,"So that means the weather is glitchy?" 

He sighs, then nods,"The weather... is experiencing technical difficulties," he replies, ever formal. 

I roll my eyes and reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm,"Right," 

"It is logical to seek shelter. My father and sister live in that building over there." He tells me, pointing to an unusually shaped building not far away. 

I nod, shivering again,"Lets go, then," 

We begin to walk in that way, arms right around each other and bodies pressed together, partly for the heat, and partly for many other much more beautiful secret reasons that make my smile just thinking about them. 

"You are smiling, ashaya. Are you happy?" Spock's question confuses me a little. I'm with him, of course I'm happy. But then again, what might seem obvious to me may not be for Spock. 

"Of course I am, spocky," I reply, just as we reach the door of the earthy coloured building,"I'm with you," 

He makes a quiet sighing sound and touches his lips to my neck, kissing it gently. 

I smile, closing my eyes to enjoy the feeling fully. 

We both jump as the door opens and two figures appear in the doorway. One is a tall male figure with sharp eyes and dark hair styled very similarly to Spock's. He must be Sarek, Spock's dad. Wow. They do look alike. Though Spock is more attractive, but I'm not going to say that upon first meeting someone. That would just be rude. My gaze shifts to the other figure, shorter than Sarek, but of a decent height. She has long black hair that falls down her back. Her brown eyes are a much lighter shade than Spock's, but her ears are practically the same shape. She must be Spock's sister. I feel Spock's hand gripping mine a little tighter. 

I smile at the two in the doorway and say a quiet,"Hi," 

"Hi, Jim Kirk. I'm T'paige, Spock's sister," the girl Vulcan says. 

I smile. Then turn to Spock, a little confused. How does she already know my name?


	13. Sleepy Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have intelligent conversations. Jim is just very tired.

Kirk Pov

Inside the strange yet beautiful Vulcan building, I am fully introduced to T'Paige. She gestures for Spock and I to take a seat at what must be their dining table. 

I hesitate for a moment, glancing at Spock. He gives me one of those half smiles that I guess are reserved only for me. That thought is enough to make me comply, taking the seat opposite T'Paige.

Sarek and Spock have still said nothing since we got here. 

I sigh, feeling a little awkward. "So.. I begin, glancing up at Spock's sister. 

She gives me a small smile, then says,"My brother has told me a lot about you, Jim Kirk. And about your ship and crew. Any chance I can meet the Scottish dude?" 

I blink, a little confused. Then I realise that she means Scotty. So I shrug, replying,"Sure, anytime. He's probably sleeping back on the ship right now, but in the morning you can meet," 

She nods, "Thank you. May I ask a question?" 

I think I'm staring to like T'Paige. "Sure thing I reply, returning a smile.

Spock holds my hand under the table, allowing some of his emotions to flow through our touch. 

I can't help grinning idiotically. 

"Are you Spock's T'hy'la?" She asks, leaning a little across the table so that our gazes meet. 

T'hy'la? What is that? I don't reply. I'm not sure how to answer the question. It is clearly a word in Vulcan, and by the look Spock is giving his sister I can tell it must be important.

"Well, are you?" T'Paige persists, her light brown eyes wide, staring hard at me. 

I wonder silently why this matters so much. "I.. um.. I don't know what that means," I admit, hanging my head in shame. 

I feel Spock's arm slip around my waist, gently tugging me closer. 

I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes, tired beyond belief. 

"I haven't asked him yet," I hear Spock telling T'Paige, his tone irritated. 

I desperately want to ask him about it. What hasn't he asked me yet? But I'm suddenly too exhausted to even speak. I just sigh quietly, leaning my weight fully into Spock. 

"Is your mate alright?" The first words I have heard Sarek say. 

I feel Spock's grip tighten on me, before he replies, in a calm voice,"Yes. He is just tired," 

I smile. He got that right. 

"Ok, I'm going to bed. Night guys. See ya in the morning!" I hear T'Paige announce before the sound of her footsteps receding away notifies me that she has left. 

Only a seconds pause takes place before I hear Spock's lovely voice once again,"Father, could you explain to Jim and I the schematics of this planet?" 

This isn't exactly what we're here for, but I have the idea that this is going to be very useful indeed.

Spock Pov

Sarek begins to explain how new Vulcan works, while I keep my sleepy Jim safe in my arms, absentmindedly petting his dark blonde hair with my fingers. 

"Star Fleet gives us with information of an old artefact they once attempted to use to create life. It's name was genesis, meaning beginning." 

As soon as Sarek says those words I feel Jim shift in my arms, before mumbling a sentence only barely detectable as any type of language. "Genesis? Isn't that the old crap project that was destroyed?" He mumbles. 

"The project itself was destroyed, not the information," Sarek explains,"It has been altered, to fit our needs and though great.. price has been payed, it is almost complete and functioning adequately," 

It fascinates me how my father and the remaining Vulcans ave managed to create so much with so little. The genesis project is something I am not familiar with. Jim seems to know exactly what it is, so I will question him about it later. Now I must find out what we can where to find out. 

"Father, are there any old Vulcan starships that have been functioning in the past few years?" I question. 

He doesn't reply for a while, clearly thinking about his answer. "There haven't been. Not that I am aware of, son. It is logical for you and your mate to go to sleep now. He looks as if he may pass out," Sarek replies. 

I nod and turn to face my sleepy Jim. Sarek is right. 

"Where's the bedrooms in here?" Jim mumbles, curling into my chest. I lift him up bridal style and leave the room, keeping him against my chest like a small animal, so beautiful and delicate, I want to protect for eternity.

"Spock..." he murmurs, shifting in my arms a little. 

I kiss him on the head and enter the room. (I am familiar with these housing structures and so I know where each room is situated.) I carry him to the bed and plonk him down on the side closest to the wall because I know he likes it better there. I slide into bed next to him and pull the blanket over both of us. 

He rolls over to face me, yawning cutely. I shift closer to him so that our noses are practically touching. 

"Jim, I want you to be my bond mate, forever and ever, my T'hy'la? Please.." I whisper, tangling our legs together.

He yawns again, and kisses me on the nose. I blush. "Of course, spocky.." he replies. 

I wrap him in my arms and bury my face in his neck, kissing him hungrily. "MIIIIIIINE...." I growl. 

He lets out a little laugh before falling asleep. 

I smile and close my eyes too, allowing myself to fall asleep to the sound of my T'hy'la's breathing.


	14. Nighttimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim knows stuff. Plus he now has creepy night visions linked to the planets' disappearance.

Kirk Pov

JIM'S DREAM:

Its very dark. Shadows dance along the walls like stick figure puppets clanking in the blackness. Yet, it's not fully dark. Or fully quiet. I catch the murmur of voices coming from a few doors ahead of me. I creep along, touching each footstep down with care and precision. I don't know where I am. But I have the feeling that I cannot and must not get caught. No one can know I am here. I reach the door, and press my back against the wall next to it. From where the door is cracked open a little, a small streak of light stretches out across the hallway, a single bright line in these dark foreboding corridors. From where I stand, pressed up against the wall, I hear hard cruel male voices speaking with one another. 

"I trust all is going well," one deep and gruff voice announces. 

"The term 'well' is illogical," I jump when I hear Sarek's voice replying. 

My hearts pounding in my chest and I feel as if everyone in that darn room can hear it. Yet nobody comes rushing out or even speaks a word about it. It's like they can't hear me at all. I have a sudden urge to test it, find out if I really am just an observer, but what if I'm not? Then what? All I know is that Sarek is talking with some people in there, nothing else. 

"I don't like this!" A female voice pipes up. I realise with terrifying shock that it belongs to T'Paige.

"Silence, young Vulcan. You do not possess either the intellect nor the power to understand. Keep out of this or you will be punished severely," the gruff voice snaps.

I edge closer to the crack in the door, desperate to find out more. I peer through the gap, trying to slow my breathing down as much as possible. It's a large room, filled with a dozen people, three of which are Vulcan, seven human and the rest unknown to me. The gruff voice seems to belong to a human with sharply cut hair, a bit like Spock's, but in a V shape across his temple. And his eyes are pure black. How human can this guy really be? 

I watch as T'Paige pulls at her fathers sleeve, muttering unintelligible words. 

He shakes her off, a flash of concern and fear blazing in his eyes before the plain Vulcan mask is reapplied. 

"This is wrong!" T'Paige suddenly yells, giving a tug to gruff's sleeve. 

He turns on her, his dark black eyes like deep pools of ink. "You will know your place!" He snarls, then hits her, with an armour plated fist shimmering with sharp diamonds. 

She falls to the floor, her strangled cry echoing throughout the whole building. Green blood dots the floor. 

My vision goes blurry. I stumble away, feeling sobs chocking me in the back of my throat. I blunder into a room nearby and crumple to the floor, sobbing quietly. What have I just seen? I squeeze my eyes tight and clamp my hands over my ears but I still cannot block out T'Paige's scream from my head.

(//T'Paige is not evil by the way.//)

Spock Pov

"STOOOP! STOP! SHUT UP! Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!!!" 

I jolt awake in response to my T'hy'la's cries. "Lights!" I command, sitting up in bed. The lights turn on, revealing a trembling and sobbing Jim. 

"Ashaya, what's wrong?" I ask, reaching out to still his trembling hands. 

He fixes his eyes on me, and I'm shaken by how wild the blue in them looks. He looks petrified. 

I begin to rub his hands gently, sliding my fingers in and out from between his. 

He takes a few gulps of air and breathes out in a long shuddering breath. "Th..they were t..talking Spock. They w..were talking about s..something.." he stutters, tears slipping down is beautiful cheeks. 

I pull him into a hug and begin to massage his back with my palms. "Who? Who were talking?" I question, continuing the movement with my palms. 

"Sarek... T'Paige.. Gruff.. and... o..others.. they... they were all afraid.. except one. And T'Paige protested and .. and Gruff... attacked h..her.. green b..blood o..on the f...floor. I thought.. I thought it was y..you a..and h..get.. you l..look alike.. a..and..." he doesn't finish, as my beautiful T'hy'la breaks down into sobbing again. 

I hug him tighter to me, kissing his neck over and over again, whispering in his ear,"It's ok.. it's ok... it's not real, ashaya... you're ok.. we're all ok.. I love you.. I love you.." 

Finally he stops crying, pulling gently away from me hold. "I'm scared.. he whispers. 

I reach out and cup his chin in my palms,"I know,". I lean forward and touch my lips to his. I feel his emotions transferring into me from the beautiful intimate touch. Fear. Pain. Anxiety. Love. Sadness. I close my eyes and kiss him harder, sliding my palms up his sides. 

He groans quietly, Cushing his body into mine. I can't help but grind against him, sliding my palms up to his shoulders and loping my arms around his neck. 

"Nnnnghh.." he murmurs, grinding back against me. 

I know we should be sleeping. My Vulcan mind screams at me that this is illogical, that I have to stop, should stop. But- the pleasure. This feeling. It's erotic, beautiful, delicate and unique. And mine. All mine. 

"My T'hy'la.." I purr, kissing along his jawline. 

He gasps aloud, arching his back under my touch. It excites me, seeing the effect I have on him.

He has the same effect on me. I move to the skin on his neck and start work on more love bites. 

"Ahh.." he moans, his voice as beautiful and perfect as I could ever have imagined. 

I pull away, and we gaze into each others eyes. I press my forehead up to his, letting out a small growl,"MIIINE.." 

He yawns, then replies,"Yes, spocky. Yours." 

I close my eyes and move to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh? Good? Anything you'd like to ask? Mmm tasty. I have this planned up to a certain point. Trust me. You'll never expect this. Ayy. XD


	15. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just their best attempt to find out more :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be good and it might not. Read it. Find out. Tell me. Yay... XD

Kirk Pov

The next morning Spock and I are greeted by Sarek and T'Paige making us the most wonderful breakfast I have ever tasted in my entire life. I'm not even fully sure what's in it, only that whatever it is, I love it. 

"You seem to be enjoying our cuisine, ashaya," Spock remarks, glancing up at me from where he is seated next to me on the strange table. 

I nod, mouth full,"It's the best," 

He smiles a little, just a simple curve to the edges of his lips, and replies,"I'm glad," 

I find myself looking at T'Paige and Sarek, images from last nights dream dredging up in my mind. I suddenly notice something not quite right with T'Paige. She looks tired, like she got no sleep last night, and above her left eye is a large sized greenish bruise that looks very fresh indeed. They weren't there yesterday. I try to stop the dread seeping through me. It means nothing, I tell myself. But I know deep down, that it means everything. What I was dreaming last night- actually happened. 

"Jim, are you ok? Ashaya?" 

I jump a little as Spock's arm snakes around my waist, but immediately relax into his hold. 

"Whats wrong?" He whispers in my ear. 

"I'll tell you later, I promise. It's about," I pause, swallowing as the images come back to me in vibrant flashes behind my eyelids. Why am I remembering this so much? I've seen violence before, even taken part in it. Why does this stick with me so much? 

"It's about what, Jim?" Spock persists.

I am perfectly aware of T'Paige's and Sarek's eyes on us, but I don't care. I trust T'Paige, for reasons I don't yet know. And Sarek, well, let's just say I don't not trust him. 

"My dream last night," I reply, leaning my head on his shoulder, feeling tired already even though it's only morning. I close my eyes, and immediately the image greets me. Gruff's fist striking T'Paige. Her cry rings in my ears, afraid, but not for herself. There is something going on. I can feel it. Green blood dotting the ground, drip drip drip. I shudder, opening my eyes quickly. I'm exhausted already, but how can I expect to sleep when I'm afraid to close my eyes? 

"Ashaya, are-" 

Spock begins, but Sarek interrupts, in an eerily calm monotone,"We should show you around new Vulcan. I'll explain more of the details of our new genesis project if you wish," 

Spock turns to me, awaiting my reply. 

I nod, smiling,"That sounds like a good idea. I never had time to see much of Vulcan." I glance at Spock, a little unsure. I know how he feels about the topic of his home planet. 

He stares back at me, expression neutral. But that means nothing. He could be hurting right know and I'd never know it. 

Ah, I think, remembering. The T'hy'la bond. I reach my arm out and slide my fingers through his. 

He stares down at our interlocked hands, something beautiful glinting in his eyes. I feel his emotions sliding through. Love. Affection. Confusion. Sadness. Damn. Sadness. What is he sad about? 

"Don't worry yourself, ashaya," Spock says, his voice barely a whisper. 

"Shall we depart now?" Sarek intervenes, his voice terribly even and formal sounding. Like last night. It makes me shudder a little, so I stand up, pushing the thought to the back of my mind. 

"Lets go, Spocky!" I call, grinning down at him enthusiastically. 

He smiles back up at me (one of his wonderful half smiles that causes my insides to tingle with an unknown fuzzing current) and stands up too, taking my hand in his. 

T'Paige stands up, gives me a small smile, glances at Sarek, then asks,"When will I be meeting the Scottish dude?" 

I almost forgot. "After this. He'll definitely be awake then. I promise," I add, upon noticing the slight slump in her shoulders at how late in the day they'll be meeting. 

She nods, gives another cautious glance Sarek's way, then replies,"Thank you," 

I smile, and reply,"You're welcome,"

Spock Pov

Sarek leads us all out of the building and into the path to take us into what T'Paige calls 'the town'. They both clearly knows this planet best. The climate is a little hotter than the original Vulcan, but it's not enough of a difference to really affect me.

Jim, on the other hand, is sweating by the time we reach the edge of the 'town'. 

"If you wish to stop for a rest please notify me," I tell him, squeezing his hand gently. 

He smiles at me, but it looks a little forced. 

T'Paige turns to walk alongside us, her long black hair flying out behind her like a dark curtain as she does so. I can't believe how much she's changed. The last time I saw her, when I left to first join Star Fleet, she was only around fifteen years of age. Her hair was shorter, and her eyes brighter. Being slightly more human than Vulcan, she chose to express her emotions out to anyone. It's because of her I am able to express my own feelings. Her and mother- thinking this hurts, so I push the thought to the back of my head, focusing my eyes on my beautiful T'hy'la. 

He passes a hand through his hair and lets out a long sigh. 

I find myself entangled and captured in the strings he shoots out, that always bring me back to him. Every thought I have, seems to lead to him. Him. Him. Him. I love him. It's illogical, but so is he. Maybe that's what makes it ok. Logic is little help when I'm around him anyways. He acts on impulse, doing what feels right in the moment. I love him for that. He has such a casual, flirting manner, that I can't help but find myself attracted to him. He is unlike anyone I have ever met. He is Jim. And I love that so much it makes me want to do so many illogical things that seem so wonderful and perilously out of reach. I don't want to reach out and grab onto the wrong one, because if I do that, it's most likely I'll fall. 

"Spock..." Jim mumbles, swaying a little,"I.., can we take a rest?" 

I nod and take his hand, pulling him into the most shaded spot in a 10 mile radius. It's not the best, but it'll have to do. 

He bends over, resting his palms on his knees, and pants heavily. 

I feel worry gnaw at me. Yes, I knew this would be hard on him, but I didn't realise how hard. 

By this time Sarek and T'Paige have came over, worry more clear in my sister's expression than my father's. 

"What's wrong with him?" 

Sarek questions at the same time that T'Paige goes to his side and asks,"Are you ok, Jim Kirk?" 

He looks up, his face flushed, before panting a quick,"Yes... in fine.." 

I'm not convinced. I ignore Sarek's question, as it is unnecessary to aid my T'hy'la. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask, sliding my arm around his wrist to help support him a bit,"We can go back, you know?" 

He shakes his head,"No.. Spock. I want to keep.. going." 

I nod, but don't remove my arm from around his waist as we continue, with the huge sun beaming down upon us from up above. New Vulcan is different than the original planet. Sarek leads on, his eyes fixed ahead, where some of the remaining vulcans are going about their days. I can't help thinking about weather they have a mate. If they do, I bet they're not as good as my Jim.


	16. Sort Of Exploring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet Gruff (Dr Konos). Jim can't deal with the temperatures of New Vulcan.

Spock Pov

Sarek takes us around the town, explaining how they have got everything to work. 

T'Paige says very little, keeping her head down and portraying an unreadable expression. 

It hurts to be around these familiar buildings. If I close my eyes I can pretend that I am on Vulcan, and my mother is alive, the planet is not destroyed, and everything is ok. I sigh quietly, saddened by this beautiful place. It is so much like home. I wish it weren't, because then it wouldn't hurt so much. I don't know which would be worse, a replicate, or an opposite. I find myself taking Jim's hand again, desperately needing his touch against mine. 

He seems to realise, and nudges closer to me, so that our shoulders brush as we walk. 

I glance at him, noticing how uneven his steps are. He's wobbling all over the place. 

"Ashaya?" I question, keeping my voice just above a whisper. 

He replies with a weak smile and the panted words,"I'm.. fine.." 

I pull him closer to me, allowing him to lean on me a bit as we walk, so that he doesn't have to support all of his weight in this heat. I say this heat- it's only a bit hot for me. It's strange how Earth and Vulcan have such different climates, yet here we are, together, despite every difference we possess. And he's my T'hy'la. I think I knew it the first time I set eyes on him, I just didn't want to admit it. I'd locked my feelings far far away, deep into the realms of my controlled mind. He's the only one who's even broken in and made me feel. He's made me feel every emotion I think possible to feel. He's made me feel afraid, afraid for his wellbeing, and that he might defect me. He's made me sad, when he was upset that hurt me too, especially since I knew it was my fault. But he's made me happy, ever so happy, by just being here, existing, as beautiful as he is. I know he can hear my thoughts at this moment, and I'm glad of it. He needs to know how much he means to me. 

"Where are we going now?" I question, glancing ahead at where Sarek and T'Paige are walking. 

"I want to show you the genesis information," my father replies, his voice plain. 

I nod,"Understood," It's getting a little harder for me to walk and I realise that's because Jim is slumped onto me so much, that I'm carrying most of his weight. 

"Jim?? T'hy'la??" I gasp, giving him a little shake; he'd passed out for a second. 

"Spock.." he mumbles,"Too hot.." 

I lift him fully into my arms, cradling his head and holding him to my chest. I touch my palm to his forehead and then take it away quickly. 

He's burning. 

"Don't worry ashaya. I will take you to a cool place, as you call it." I reply, kissing him gently on the nose. 

He smiles weakly. He's so adorable.

Kirk Pov

I can't see much of the journey to Sarek's work building, only Spock's beautiful face as he bends down and kisses me every once in a while. It's terribly hot, and I feel as though I'm being fried, but apart from that I'm quite enjoying my ride in Spock's arms. He feels comfortable and soft. I want to lie in his arms forever. But I know that I can't. I'm relived as we enter the building, as as soon as we pass through the doors, the air con blasts me in the face with its cool air, making me feel better. 

I grin,"That's nice.." 

I feel Spock's grip on me tighten, so I turn my head a little to see why. 

A few feet away, standing by a tall piece of machinery sporting many lights and complicated looking levers and wires pooling about the floor, is Gruff. 

My breath catches in my throat. If the dream I had last night really happened then... he did attack T'Paige. Which means..... he's bad. (Well duh). What is he doing here? What does he want? I wish I knew. All I know is it has something to do with genesis, and is something bad, taking to account T'Paige's protests last night. 

I still feel really hot, and my vision keeps blurring, but I try to watch as long as I can, keeping my head turned to one side, so that I get a tilted view of what's going on. However, the conversation I can hear perfectly no matter where I am looking. 

"Greetings, Sarek, T'Paige... state the names of your guests," Gruff orders, his voice terribly loud and commanding. 

"My son, Spock, and his mate, Jim Kirk," Sarek replies. 

"Sarek, may I warn you that if you do much as hint away anything that goes on in here I will know and you will be punished." Gruff replied, his voice laced with anger and spite. I hate him. What right does he have to go commanding Sarek around anyways? None. 

"As you wish, Dr Konos," Sarek replies, his tone emotionless, just like he's not been threatened by this dude. 

The blurriness of my vision grows worse, and I feel the start of a headache making its appearance. I try to sit up, but Spock won't allow it. 

"You need to save your energy, T'hy'la," he purrs into my ear. 

I smile at him, then groan as the headache grows worse, and turn to burying my face in his shirt, biting it slightly. 

He hugs me tighter, leaning against the wall for support. 

I close my eyes, feeling angry and irritated. 

The voices of Sarek, T'Paige and Gruff fade into background noice and I focus on listening to Spock's heartbeat, in an attempt to forget about how much my head hurts. 

"Jim... you're really hot.." is the last thing I hear before I pass out in Spock's arms.


	17. What You Don't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are forced to return to the enterprise, on account of Jim's condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who actually cares about the genesis project in this? Spirk. UwU Enjoy la chapter! XD

Spock Pov

I'm listening intently to the conversation between Sarek and Dr Konos, feeling a little confused and a lot unnerved. I glance back to my T'hy'la, my eyes fixated on his beautiful face. I could stare at him forever. 

In the background, Sarek says something. I don't listen. I realise that I don't what to anymore, that the only voice I want to hear is Jim's. 

His eyes flick up to me, so beautifully blue that it hurts somewhere down inside. 

I reach my hand out and stroke my fingers through a strand of his hair. It feels soft. 

His eyes close. 

It takes me a second to realise that he's passed out. A hundred confusing emotions rush at me in a second, and I immediately take out my communicator. 

T'Paige gives me a look, then mouthes,"Go," 

I flip open the communicator and begin talking, my voice rushed and fear stricken, as I hold my unconscious T'hy'la against my chest. At this one point, I don't care that I am revealing my emotions as I ask for us to be beamed up. We're coming back down again, yes, but as it is clear Jim is suffering in these conditions, it is logical to return back to the Enterprise until he is better. 

Sarek and Dr Konos are too occupied talking that they don't even notice us disappearing in a flash of golden light. A few seconds later the surroundings of the Enterprise materialise around us- that's what it seems- though I know it's really us materialising. 

I block all logic out of my mind, leaving only thoughts of my T'hy'la, my Jim. 

"Dr McCoy!" I call, leaving the transporter room whilst carrying Jim. 

"Spock- what's hap- Jim?! What did you do it him?" 

I turn, confused, as Dr McCoy appears in the doorway, bombarding me with his ridiculous questions. 

"Dr McCoy, he simply has heatstroke from being in our atmosphere too long without shade," I reply. How I manage to keep my emotionless tone is beyond me. 

He glances at me, the down at Jim, his brow furrowed. "Hmm.." he mutters, then says,"Ok, alright. Take him to sick bay. I'll follow behind, seeing as I doubt you'll let me touch him." 

I nod curtly and reply,"Correct." 

The Enterprise is much cooler than the atmosphere of the new Vulcan planet, so Jim should get better. I really want him to wake up, because I'm worried about him, and I hate that it's my fault. I should've noticed the signs of heat exhaustion and taken him back to the house. But I continued despite them. Anger and pain gnaws inside of me, and I clutch Jim closer to me, heading for sick bay. It's a little easier, as I know Dr McCoy knows about us. 

But no one else does. 

That seems to mean more to Jim than it does to me. He is intent on keeping our relationship as secret as possible. That fact should hurt me, but it doesn't. My human half understands it, but sadly that's only half of me, so I only half understand it. When I reach the terribly white and pristine walls of sickbay I immediately push through the doors, bringing both of us into the overly bright room.

Dr McCoy follows behind, immediately taking out his equipment and gesturing to a bed as to where I am required to lay Jim on.

I walk over slowly, as an attempt to draw out the time I get to hold him. It's harder than I'd thought to let go of him. I rest him down on the soft white sheets, slipping my hand into his and squeezing it gently. 

Dr McCoy comes back with some medical equipment, but I hardly take much notice of him, until he says,"You really did him in this time, hob gob,"

I raise an eyebrow, my telltale sign of annoyance, and reply,"I am not familiar with the expression, Dr, and I suggest you focus on your work instead of making illogical comments," 

He opens his mouth, as if to speak again, but suddenly closes it, shaking his head. He turns back to Jim, muttering,"What are we going to do with you?" 

I ignore him, turning my attention back to Jim. He looks so beautiful and peaceful, his eyes delicately closed, and his mouth open the smallest bit. 

"Spock," Dr McCoy begins,"Go get a flannel, make it cold, and bring it back," 

I nod, turning to go, but then remembering something. I turn back, bend over, and touch a kiss to Jim's head. 

A tiny smile turns on his lips. 

I blush, upon realising Dr McCoy's eyes are on me. I swiftly turn and head to the small bathroom, where upon I find a clean flannel, and soak it under the icy water. Carrying it back, the water drips down my arm, making my shiver, but I keep my eyes ahead of me, the image of my T'hy'la the only thing I ever want to see. When I reach the bed again, I glance at Dr McCoy, who is busy scanning Jim with more of his medical equipment. 

"Dr, I have retrieved the flannel you requested." 

He nods,"Good. Now put it on his forehead," 

I stand there, a little confused. 

Jim is shivering, therefore he must already be cold this will only make it worse. 

"Spock, he has a fever. You want to help, right?" Dr McCoy continues, giving me an exasperated glare. 

I nod, and proceed with placing the cold flannel on my T'hy'la's forehead. 

He squirms a little, then his expression clears, and he looks a whole lot more comfortable. 

I can't help the smile that curves my lips. He is just too adorable. I slide my fingers through his again, my smile growing at the feeling of our skin touching. 

Dr McCoy sighs, picking something up and injecting it into Jim's arm. Wait- what. My smile immediately disappears like it was never there. 

I glance up at him, pulling my most serious expression. "Dr McCoy, what was that you just injected into Jim?" I question, subconsciously sliding my thumb over Jim's knuckles. 

He rolls his eyes,"Relax hob gob. It's not poison. He is my friend too, you know? It should help his fever go away faster," 

I nod, satisfied, then ask,"Dr, may I have some time.. alone with him?" 

He nods, and without saying anything more, disappears away to help with someone else. 

I stay by my T'hy'la's side, my hand in his for a long time, until I fall asleep, my head resting on his.


	18. Tiny Planets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More visions. The planets are suddenly tiny... hmm.. Also, Bones is in love with someone.

Kirk Pov

JIM'S DREAM:

The room is lit only by a small old fashioned stick of wax on fire I think is called a candle. Who would use such a thing these days? I don't know. I progress further into the room, my eyes being drawn to the walls. Either side of me, shelves are nailed up to the walls. The shelves are made of a dark black wood, and are separated into different compartments. I stand still, turning to stare at the thing that caught my eye. A small planet, floating among the top and bottom rungs of the shelves. Next to it is another planet, a miniature orb of colour and life. Tiny planets? Where am I? When I look closer I realise that I recognise the planets. The missing ones. The ones that were in the photos on Bones' PADD. Why are they here? Why are they so small? I walk further into the room, and find that there are tiny planets all over the shelves. My mouth drops open. What does this mean? How did I get here? I shiver. I begin to notice that the further I progress through the room, the more drained the small planets are looking. By the time I reach the door at the end of the long corridor like room, the planets are dead. Drained. Who is doing this? I reach out to open the door but stop as I catch the sounds of voices on the other side. Gruff. Sarek and T'Paige. I open the door a crack, peering around it. I gasp. It's the same room. It's the same room I remember being in before I passed out. With the machinery.. and... I quickly close the door again, unsure of what to do. Gruff. Gruff has done this. I need to find out if it's real. I need to go through this door in real life. I need to show Spock. And everyone. I know that whatever this is, it's very very bad. I walk up to one of the dead tiny planets and reach out to touch it. To my dismay I find that my hand passes right through. Am I a ghost? No. I'm not, as I'm not dead. Yet I am seeing this. I go back to the door and put my ear to the crack in it, listening intently. 

"Where are Spock and Jim!" I hear Sarek asking. 

"They left. They'll be coming back, I think," T'Paige replies. 

I turn away, turning my eyes again to the array of dead and alive miniature planets. So this is where they have all gone. And that machine in the next room- is that how they are shrunk.. or how they are drained? I don't know how I am supposed to tell. What does this all mean? I hope this is only a dream and not real. Because if it's real, then I have no idea what I am going to do.

END OF JIM'S DREAM.

Spock Pov

"Spock?" 

I jolt awake as soon as the familiar timbre registers in my head. 

Jim. He's awake. 

I sit up, a little reluctantly, and find that I'm lying in the same bed as him. 

His blue eyes are wide and unsure. He knows something. 

"What's wrong, ashaya?" I ask, gazing into his eyes. 

He blinks, shivers, then replies, in a voice that no matter what else is going on, my attention will always be drawn to it,"Where are we? We have to go back. We have to go back." 

"We're on the Enterprise. Sickbay. Go back where?" I question, taking his hand in mine gently. 

"New Vulcan. I think I know where the missing planets are," he replies, giving another shiver, before muttering,"It's cold, dammit. Since when was the Enterprise this cold?" 

I reach out with my hand and touch it to his forehead, before withdrawing with a worried wince. "It's not cold, Jim," I reply, cautiously giving him a glance.

He attempts to get up, but I grab his wrists and pin it down to the bed. He turns his head to me, his eyes still wide and fearful, whereas his mouth is playing with the idea of a smile. Cute. But also sad. Emotions. I'm really getting the hang of this. 

"You can't leave, Jim. You're in sickbay for a reason." I reply, deliberately refraining from mentioning any details. 

He rubs a hand over his head, sighing,"I have a headache.. damn this... what happened Spocky?" He asks, turning his terribly sad blue eyes back on me again. 

I find I can't speak, for the beauty of his face takes my breath away. 

"Spocky?" He questions, facing up into my face with an expression of confusion and adoration. 

"New Vulcan's environment affected you unexpectedly and you head a heatstroke," I reply, trying and failing to sound emotionless and informal. If I thought his eyes were wide before, it's nothing compared to the way they are now. 

He opens his mouth to speak but I stop him by touching my lips to his, so soft and gentle I doubt he even feels it. 

But he does. He pulls away quickly, giving a little whimper. "Where's Bones?" He questions,"I want some painkiller," He demands in that whiny voice he always uses when things aren't going his way. Most people find it annoying, but I just find it cute. 

"I shall go find him," I say, retracting myself from his side. 

He gazes up at me, a sad expression on his face. "You'll come back, though?" He questions. 

I nod, before trailing my fingers across his hand, and say,"Always, my T'hy'la," 

He smiles. 

I let my arm drop, and turn to leave. It turns out that although I am familiar with the Enterprise, I am not familiar with the sickbay of the Enterprise. I find myself wandering aimlessly through the dazzlingly white corridors, not knowing where even Jim is, let alone how to locate Dr McCoy. I finally stumble upon a door with a silver plating on the outside of it. The words engraved on it are "Dr Leonard McCoy; Office," He must be in here. I raise my knuckles and knock politely on the door, then await for him to appear. When, after 5.4 minutes, he doesn't, I turn the handle and venture inside. The office is deserted, and a little messy. The desk is ridden with crumpled papers, empty shot glasses, and a few photos hastily slammed into too big frames. One catches my eye. It looks as if it were taken just after we defeated Krall, or as I should call him, Edison. It is at the point where Jim, Dr McCoy and I were gazing out of the windows, and observing with excitement, or in my case, satisfaction, the rebuilding of the Enterprise. All of our eyes are staring a little upward. My gaze immediately falls to Jim, my T'hy'la. I smile, reaching out with my hand and tracing the shape of his face in the picture with my two fingers. I sigh, turning my eyes away from the desk. It is illogical for me to remain here any longer. Dr McCoy is not here, so I have no reason to be. On my way to the door, my eyes fall upon a piece of crumbled red stained paper in the bin. The only reason my eyes find it is because of the illogicality of the colour, substance and the fact that it is the only thing in the bin. A human emotion, curiosity, begs me to approach the bin and read the paper. So I do. After fishing the paper out of the bin, I unfurl it in my hands and begin to read. It talks about a person, described as handsome, flirtatious and as an adorable pain in the ass. Illogical. It's in McCoy's handwriting. I wonder who he's taking about. My eyes reach the last line, where it states,"I love you, but it will never mean anything to you," The words cause tears to prick in my eyes. I swipe them away, outraged that I have allowed such illogical things to the control of me. 

I turn around, just as Dr McCoy bursts into the room angrily, and upon catching sight of me, drops the shot glass in his hand. It smashes on the floor, proceeding a very long silence in which we just stare at each other, both wondering what will unfold next.


	19. Talking Over Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones ain't happy about Spock being in his office. Bones meets T'Paige.

Spock Pov

"Spock.. what are you doing in my office?" Dr McCoy finally asks, folding his arms across his chest. 

"I was merely trying to affirm your location." I reply, then glance down at the paper in my hands. "Dr McCoy, to whom is this letter addressed?" I question, returning my eyes to him. 

"What letter?!" He demands, then his eyes fall on the paper I am holding. His eyes grow wide. "Hey!" He exclaims, coming over and snatching the red stained mess out of my hands. 

I allow him to, not particularly understanding. 

"What the hell were you doing in my bin, you green blooded hobgoblin?!" He snarls, ripping the paper angrily in his fingers, and allowing the shredded tatters to fall slowly to the ground. 

I watch them fall. If you don't look at them too hard, the look like rose petals- beautiful though broken, just like my T'hy'la. The thought causes my walls to crumble yet again, and I turn back to face Dr McCoy, not caring what he may observe in my expression. When he doesn't say anything more, I repeat my previous question,"To whom is that letter addressed?" 

"Your. Mom's. Ass!" He snarls, turning away from me angrily. 

Illogical human.

I sigh, turning away from him also. "I fail to see how my late mother's posterior has any relevance in the current discussion," I state, after a long silence. 

"Shut up.." he mumbles,"Why aren't you with your boyfriend, anyways? I thought I'd have to surgically remove you from his side," 

I can't miss the bitterness in his words.

"He requested your presence.." I reply, spinning around slowly to face the angry Dr again. "I was only searching for you.. when I found myself unable to remember where I had come from," I reply. 

He gives a small smirk,"Ohhh... you got lost did you?" 

I raise an eyebrow, but say nothing. 

"You coming, then? Or should I just leave you here to look through my other stuff?" He says, turning and kicking the door open with his foot, before walking though it. 

I follow after, deciding his comment doesn't warrant a reply. It takes precisely 6.4 minutes to return to where Jim is. It turns out I took a wrong corridor a few times, and ended up on the wrong side of the sickbay. 

Dr McCoy knows this, he doesn't make any comment. 

I push open the door, jumping in shock as T'Paige's face greets me on the other side. 

"Who the hell is that?" I hear Dr McCoy demand from behind me. 

I ignore him, pushing myself into the room, my confusion at the situation clear. 

"T'Paige? How did you get in here?" I question, using my most calm tone possible. 

"I might've stolen one of your communicators. I talked to the Scottish guy- Scotty- and he beamed me up without Dr Konos' knowing," she replies. 

I notice how her voice changes when she mentions Scotty. 

"Just great.. more green blooded-" 

Dr McCoy mutters, but before he can finish the highly illogical comment T'Paige raises he hand in the Vulcan salute and addresses him with more politeness than he deserves in the current situation. 

"Hello, you must be Dr Leonard McCoy. I am T'Paige, Spock's sister. Pleased to meet you," she announces, smiling very slightly. 

"Pleased? A Vulcan? Pleased? What world am I living in?" He replies, the opposite of polite. 

I sigh, raising an eyebrow at him. 

For T'Paige, however, her worry lies somewhere else. "I used the correct vernacular, did I not?" 

Dr McCoy sighs, then nods,"You did.. surprisingly," 

I leave my sister to have her awkward one sided conversation with Dr McCoy and approach the bed where my T'hy'la is occupying. 

He's asleep again, half hanging off the bed. 

I can't help but smile slightly. 

Illogical Jim.

I move him back to the middle of the bed again, so there is no danger of him falling onto the floor, and sit on the edge of the bed, gazing at him with admiration and adoration. Emotions I have only just come to recognise. We all look up as the door opens (all but Jim who is still sleeping peacefully). 

Mr Scott enters, glancing at me, before turning and heading to where T'Paige is standing, her eyes fixed on him, and a small smile spread across her face. 

Dr McCoy just sighs and turns to busy himself with more medical work none of have any interest in. 

"Hello there lassie," Mr Scott greets T'Paige. 

"Hello," she replies, glancing back at me for a second before her full attention is elsewhere. 

I turn my gaze back to Jim. I wonder what he meant before, when he said that we have to go back to New Vulcan. I do not doubt the fact that we will be going back. I am just unsure as to why he says me must. Making sure no one is looking, I bend over and plant a small kiss on his cheek. 

His eyes flutter open, and he mutters,"S..pock?" 

I jump back immediately, annoyed at myself. "I am sorry ashaya, I did not mean to wake you up," I apologise. 

"Spocky.." he mumbles,"That guy... Gruff- Dr Konos- he took the planets. I can prove it. Just.. we need to go back to New Vulcan," 

I curl my fingers around his and bring his hand up to my lips gently. 

I kiss his knuckles and he smiles gently, a small blush sparkling across his cheeks. 

"We are going back, Jim. We must await until you are well enough," I reply. 

He yawns, then whispers,"Okay.. but he can't see us... it's a room.. so may planets.. dead.. alive.. in the middle.. he's bad.."

I nod,"I do not doubt you, ashaya. But you must rest. I am sorry for waking you," 

"S'ok.." he mumbles, reaching out in attempt to pull me down to the bed, but his arm stops half way and falls down onto the bed. 

I smirk and kiss his closed eyes. We will go back to New Vulcan. We will find out what Dr Konos has really done.


	20. Bones Has A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones.. you naughty Dr you have a secret! XD

Kirk Pov

The next day I feel absolutely fine, but Bones insists that I mustn't leave for New Vulcan until tomorrow. That's an extra day Gruff gets to continue what he's doing, and an extra day to cover it up. The whole thing puts me in a bad mood. 

"What is wrong, ashaya?" Spock asks, looking up from where he is busying himself with something on his PADD. 

I sigh,"We need to be down there now, Spock. Every second up here is a second waisted. Bones is being an overprotective shitbag. Spock..... can you help me escape?" 

He sighs, the action very unlike him, and replies sardonically,"Dr McCoy is wise to keep you here, Jim. If I were in control it would be a week," 

I groan and turn away from him, muttering,"I hate you, Spock," It's not true, obviously, but what Spock says next makes me wish I'd just kept my mouth shut. 

"Jim? I was merely concerned for your welfare, I didn't realise-" 

I interrupt him before his words cause me to do something stupid like cry or anything. "Spock, I love you. You know I do. I didn't mean- god, I'm just in a bad mood today. That's all. Come here," I say, reaching my arm out to him. 

He stands up, leaving his PADD on his chair. He slides into the bed with me, pressing his side up to mine. 

I smile. "You sure know how to cure a bad mood, Spock." I mumble, resting my head against his. 

He smiles too. I can't miss the small vibrations in his chest. It sounds like- 

"Aw Spocky, are you purring~" I whisper seductively into his ear. 

His cheeks immediately flush green and he replies quickly,"No," 

I sigh, allowing my eyes to study Spock, revelling in everything I know I have. "Tell me something worth knowing," I whisper, resting my head back against his again. 

"Dr McCoy is in love with someone." He replies, closing his eyes and yawning. 

My eyes grow wide. I can't help but feel shocked. After what happened with his wife why on earth would he fall for someone again? It just doesn't make sense. 

"Who?" 

I ask, turning my attention back to Spock who is once again hugging me possessively, and muttering things that sound like "mine mine my Jim my Jim my T'hy'la mine mine.." 

I smile and kiss his nose. 

He jumps a little, then his mouth curves into a smile, such a rare and beautiful thing that I crave for every time I'm with him. 

"Who does Bones like?" I question, moving my legs so that they are tangled around his. 

"I do not know," he replies. 

I close my eyes, feeling more tired than I want to admit. 

"Is something wrong, Jim?" 

I shake my head slowly, and reply quietly,"No. Nothing can be wrong when I'm with you," 

His small smile returns again, and he slips his arms around my waist, bringing us even closer together. 

I move my head until I am in line with his adorable pointed ear. I lean in and close my mouth over the tip of it gently. 

He gasps quietly, tightening his grip around me. 

I smirk and start gently nibbling his pointy ear. I lick down the edge of his ear, smiling contently to myself. I glance in Spock's direction, and my smile grows as I see how hard he's biting his lip in order not to make a sound. 

"Aw.. Spocky.." I whisper, moving down to his neck. 

"Jim.." he murmurs, shivering a little,"Don't.. make it visible.." His warning is cut off with a quiet moan that purrs from the back of his throat. It turns me on terribly. 

"Too late.." I mumble, having already created the green shaded hickey half way down his neck. 

He pouts. 

"Now we both have one," I reply, grinning at him. 

"Noo.." he mumbles, pinning my arms sharply behind my back. 

A small soft giggle escapes me. 

"Shh... be very quiet, ashaya. I do not wish for Dr McCoy to hear," he murmurs, bringing his mouth down onto the skin of my neck. He opens his mouth and slides his tongue out, swirling it in slow rhythmic circles. 

I groan, trying and failing miserably to keep quiet.

"Shh.." he whispers onto my neck. 

I shiver as his hot breath begins to turn me on. A small yelp escapes my lips as Spock bites down gently on my skin, his saliva slicked teeth digging in carefully. I try to breathe but all that comes out is a strangled shuddering breath. 

He releases my skin, moving further up. 

"Spock, don't-" I begin, but I never get to finish my sentence, as any form of language is stripped from my voice as my words turn into moans. I am powerless as he leaves mark after mark up and down my neck. "S-p-ock!" I gasp out, shuddering with pleasure. 

He smiles, then finally pulls away. The only difference to him is his slightly elevated heart rate (I can feel it through our gentle Vulcan kiss finger touch), his slightly irregular breathing, and vaguely tousled hair. 

"Beautiful." I say, breathing hard. It's the first words that comes to mind. 

He raises an eyebrow, giving me a small confused smile,"What, my T'hy'la?" He questions, his voice the most wonderful thing I've ever heard in my life. 

"You're beautiful, Spocky," I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning in to give him a gentle peck on the lips. 

He blushes a little, his smile never faltering. 

I grin back, totally at ease with the fact that I've entrusted my life and happiness in his green blooded Vulcan hands. 

He pulls me closer, whispering with a lust filled voice the same words again and again. I close my eyes, pressing my face into his warm chest, and listen, allowing myself to drift into sleep slowly and perfectly. 

"Goodnight, T'hy'la," he whispers. 

"Night Spocky.." I reply back, so quite a whisper I doubt he even heard it. But I don't have to say it. That's the great thing about our bond. We are connected in every perfect way possible. I smile to myself, the thoughts of Gruff, the planets and new Vulcan temporarily forgotten, and allow myself to finally fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that took a bit to get published... sowwwyyyyyys.. Anyways... I'm jut going to say I have been open to requests for the first 20 chapters (T'Paige came into the story as a request and she fits in perfectly) but since I have so much of the story planned out now, I have decided to close requests for a bit. Thx anyways for reading mah book. It means a lot. Next chapter out soon. XD


	21. Vision Or Just A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a really bad dream Jim has... or is it all true?

Kirk Pov

JIM'S DREAM:

The pathway is long and spindly, a thin thread of insecure rock trailing from nowhere to nowhere. No matter how hard to try to resist, I can't stop my feet from moving, step, step, step, along the pathway. The endless dark chasm below stretches out. I shake, my trembling legs hardly able to keep balance. Yet they do. A bead of sweat trickles down from my forehead. I have no idea where I am, or where I am going. I can't determine weather this is a dream or a vision. The winding pathway seems to go on on and on for hours. I stare ahead of me, squinting my eyes in an attempt to catch sight of something- anything, in the dark mist. I am not disappointed. It's very faint, but just visible. The glowing outline of a door, far far away down the path. I speed up, going at a slow run. I miss my footing a few times, but surprisingly, I do not fall. It's as if an invisible force is keeping me on the path. It's like it wants me to reach the door. I finally do. Breathing hard, I rest my palms on my legs, waiting for my vision to stop blurring. When I can see right again I stand up straight, gazing up in awe at the huge glowing doors. They are at least three times my height and seem to be made out of a golden wood. Bright rays of light emits from every gap or hole in the wood. I reach out and touch the material, tracing my fingers down the careful lines of dark and light wood. It feels smooth and warm, an inviting and tempting offer. I realise with dismay that there is no doorknob or any way to open the door at all. I step back, a little confused. Am I supposed to shove it? I step forward and push on the great doors, spreading my palms out in order to touch as much of the wood as possible. I wonder what lies through the doors. They part, both parts of the door caving into the room, revealing the interior. Terror flares up inside me as I realise that the interior of this room is the same as my house, back in Iowa. An unnatural electric jolt buzzes through me and I shudder, my whole body shaking. I push myself through the doorway, forcing myself to progress further inside. It looks just as I remember it. The calm homely feeling is still here, something I haven't felt in ages. I close my eyes. It even smells just the same. I can almost pretend that I'm back there now, that I never joined Star Fleet, became a captain, met Spock. I can almost pretend that everything is fine, no mysterious planet kidnappings, or any Gruff or trouble on New Vulcan. I can almost believe that nothing at all is happening.

Almost.

A scream echoes out through the house, causing my eyes to snap open, my hands shaking uncontrollably. The voice is so familiar. Older than then last time I heard it. But still the same. The same calm voice that always used to pretend things were ok, just for my sake. The voice who sang me to sleep when I was 4, the voice that I will always love and hate at the same time.

Mom.

The next thing I know I'm running, my feet slapping against the hard ground, flinging doors open and bringing myself higher and higher in the building, up stairs after stairs, following the source of the scream. I hear it again, this time much louder, and much more desperate. I bite my lip hard. My chest is burning and spots begin to prick in front of my vision. But I keep going. I have to. I can't remember our house having this many floors, yet it seems to. I reach the top floor, panting and shaking with exhaustion and fear. 

"No! Please! Don't!" A voice screams. 

My mom. 

I gather all the strength I have left and hurts through the final pair of doors, and the sight in front of me makes me want to scream just as loud as mom had.

My mother is lying on the floor, her body a mess of blood and rags and dirt and bruises. 

I stuff my fist into my mouth to stop me making any sound. My gaze darts to the figure standing over her, his shaggy clothes pooling out around him, making him look like both a God and a Demon. 

Gruff.

His pure black glistening eyes pierce into my mother, burning holes of smoking bloody linen in her ragged clothes. His eyes.... What is he? What is happening? Is this a dream or a vision? How am I supposed to tell? 

Before Gruff strikes the final blow, I know exactly what he's going to do. I'm powerless to stop him. The strange sharp pulsing weapon in his hand slides down my mother's chest, opening up the skin and causing blood to rush out. 

My eyesight is blurry with images tears. This is not happening. This is not happening. This can't be happening! But all the evidence proves that it is. 

I watch in horror as Gruff leans low over my mother, opens his mouth, and begins to suck away her life. It happens in agonising stages. 

Her colour drains away, feeding Gruff and gifting him a brighter demeanour. 

I shiver, barely noticing the ice cold tears streaking down my cheeks. 

My mother screams, "DON'T YOU HURT MY SON!" 

I find my eyes turning to where her's are looking at. Further along the wall two figures are chained up.

Me. And... Spock. 

I feel sick. I stumble over to where they- we? - are tied up. 

Spock is barely conscious, his body sagging terribly, the only thing keeping him up are the huge metal chains attaching him to the wall. His eyes keep focusing and unfocusing, indicating to me his struggle to stay conscious. His face is terribly white, dirty, and a small cut on his temple is gently dripping green blood down his face. 

I can't even bear to look at the rest of him. My eyes turn to me. 

My eyes are closed and I'm not moving at all. For a second, I'm not sure if I'm breathing or not, but the gentle barely there rise and fall of my torn up chest says otherwise. Dried blood stand my hair. There's blood everywhere, mine, Spock's, my mother's. 

I jump back in shock and horror as I realise I'm standing in some. It's sticky, thick, yet not fully dried. The smoother floors shine with the stuff. 

I stumble away again, back to where Gruff is abusing my mother. I reach for ways to grab at him, punch him, so anything, but my hand passes right through. I don't know what I expected to do. 

My mothers wide tear stained eyes flick up and stare at me for a second, before deadening as her body turns stop. 

Dead.

I flee the room, thundering back down the stairs. I don't get far before I stumble, all my energy failing. I crumble to the floor, crying and retching and shaking. It can't be real, can it? 

But it felt so real....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this chapter.... if it triggered or upset anyone in any way you can talk to meh. Next chapter soon XD //)


	22. Don't Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is now afraid of sleeping. Well done Gruff... Bones'll kill him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chris Pine... he tha best.. I'm dead tho XD

Spock Pov

I open my eyes, feeling uneasy and unable to determine what has awoken me. In the semi darkness, my eyes pick out my T'hy'la, his body resting right up against mine. I snake an arm around his waist and pull him even tighter to me, the result of a sudden possessive wave that takes control of me. 

"Spock.." he mumbles, curling into me. 

I can't help a small smile curve across my face. 

He's adorable. I can't help remembering that in only a few hours we will have to go back to New Vulcan. Not that New Vulcan is bad, as only a few people there are. I just don't want to put my T'hy'la in danger. It will tear me apart if I ever lose him. I sigh, closing my eyes. I can't seem to get back to sleep. Am I worrying that much? It will be ok. We both know what we are doing. That is true... but however hard we try we do not know what they are doing. What Dr Konos is doing. What does he want? 

"No.. no.. no.." 

I jump a little as I hear Jim's little whimpers. 

"Jim? What's wrong?" I ask, sitting up and glancing down at him. 

He's shaking, his eyes screwed shut. 

I bend down and kiss his cheek softly. Is he having a nightmare or another one of those visions? Is it bad? 

He turns in the bed, gripping onto my shirt. 

I blush a little. "Jim.." I whisper. I can't stop myself feeling turned on. No. I'm a Vulcan. This is wrong! I tug away from his hold, my eyes pricking with tears. 

His hands fall down to the bed. He makes another whimper. "No.. no.. don't kill her.. don't please! STOP! No!" 

I wipe away the tears which have managed to slide down my cheeks. 

He needs me now. What am I doing pulling away? 

I crawl back across the bed and slide in next to him. 

"No! Spock! Don't hurt him!" He yells, beginning to sob loudly. What is he seeing? 

"Jim.." I whisper,"Its ok.. they're not doing anything..." I whisper, hugging him close to me. 

"Spock.." he whispers, his voice shaking and terribly afraid.

Oh Jim. 

Suddenly the door opens, reminding me that we are not in our quarters, but sickbay. How could I have forgotten? 

"Jim? What is going on here?" Dr McCoy. 

I look up, feeling more than confused.

Jim remains asleep, whimpering and shaking against me.

I want to hug him and kiss him and wake him up, but that will be awkward since Dr McCoy is here. 

He sends a glare my way. "What have you done to him, you green blooded hob goblin?" He demands. 

A human emotion rages inside me. Anger. How dare he blame the pain of my T'hy'la on me? He is wrong! "Jim is my T'hy'la!" I retort,"My bond mate! I would never hurt him!" 

Dr McCoy glares at me, then sighs, a flicker of some strange emotion crossing his face. 

Next to me, Jim jolts awake, staring around the room with wild unfocused eyes. 

I immediately forget Dr McCoy and pull Jim into a hug. 

He hugs me back, still shaking uncontrollably. I

t hurts to see him like this. 

"What was it this time?" I question, touching my lips to his cheek once more. 

He closes him eyes and begins to explain. 

By the time he is finished both Dr McCoy and I are shocked into silence. 

Dr Konos. Killing his mother. Having us locked up there, injured and dying. 

I shudder, already beginning to picture the horrific image. I can only imagine what if must be like for Jim. 

"I think I can find something that will help you sleep better, Jim," Dr McCoy says, turning and heading over to his medical supplies. 

"I don't want to sleep anymore.." Jim whispers,"Every time I do I see something bad.." 

I pull him close to me again and allow him to rest his head on my shoulder. 

"I love you so much, Spock..." he whispers into my shirt. 

I smile a little, feeling content for the first time since I woke up tonight. 

"Jim, all I have are sleeping pills. They should knock you out till morning." Dr McCoy explains, walking over with something in his hand. 

Jim glares up at him, his sparkling blue eyes full of barely hidden fear. "No. Didn't you hear me, Bones? I don't want to sleep anymore," 

Dr McCoy fixes him with a hard look, then replies,"Dammit Jim, am I going to have to sedate you? Is that what you want?" 

"Fine. I'll go to sleep on my own," Jim replies, turning away from me and lying with closed eyes on the bed. 

Dr McCoy stays for a few minutes more, his eyes never leaving my Jim. The look he is giving him... I recognise it. Jim gives me that look. In every photo Jim takes of me and him, we're looking at each other in that way. Anger grips me. 

Could Dr McCoy...?

No. No! I will not allow the person he is in love with to be my T'hy'la. 

I turn away from him, wrapping my arms around Jim from behind. "Mine!" I snarl, kissing the back of his neck possessively. 

"Yes.. yours.." he replies quietly, his voice thick with tiredness. 

I hear Dr McCoy's footsteps as he walks away. 

Next to me, Jim sits up, rubbing his eyes. 

I loop my arms around him tighter, nuzzling into his neck. 

He laughs quietly and allows me to slowly lick, suck and bite at his skin. His neck is covered in hickeys. How is he going to hide them? 

"Wait.. Spock. Let me get up," he asks, giving me an apologetic look. 

I nod and let go of him. 

He slides off of the bed and walks over to the small coffee machine by one of the sinks. He makes a coffee and brings it back.

As I move to hug him again he utters,"Careful.. I don't want to spill this on both of us.." 

I kiss his neck again and smile,"Okay, Jim," 

He smiles back lopsidedly and starts to sip at his coffee. It smells very odd.

"Can I try some?" I question, eyeing the dark liquid inquisitively. 

He shakes his head, taking another sip. "I don't want you to be up the rest of the night. You won't be able to sleep," he replies, his voice a little sad. 

I glance at his blue eyes. They are fixed on the cup in his hand. 

"Jim... why are you drinking it then?" I ask, moving closer to him. 

He groans and rests his head on my shoulder. "Stay quiet or Bones'll hear.." 

I sigh, resting my head back against his. I can't exactly stop him now, can I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad bad bad bad bad... I have to revise for stupid exams. But yeah. I'm trying my best. Hope it was okay. bye. XD


	23. Back To New Vulcan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally the title. They go back to New Vulcan. Sarek is missing.

Kirk Pov

The next morning I am discharged from sickbay and Spock and I immediately get ready for the task ahead. We meet up with Scotty and T'Paige who are both intent on coming down to New Vulcan with us. I am fine with it, though Spock is doubtful, saying that the more of us there are, the more likely we are to get caught. But it's not like T'Paige can avoid going back anyways. Sarek will be in need of her help with Gruff. And as for Gruff himself, I don't trust him one bit, especially after what I witnessed last night. What if it comes true? I have to make sure that it doesn't. 

As we are getting kitted up on the transporter pads, T'Paige taps me lightly on the arm. 

I turn to her, giving her a small smile. "Hi," I say, a little confused at her amused expression. 

She grins, pointing to one of the hickeys I had totally forgot about until now on my neck. "I have some stuff you can use to cover them up, Jim," she says. 

I notice she says 'them' and not 'this'. The blood rushes to my cheeks and nod awkwardly, muttering a small 'thanks'. 

She grins,"No problem. My brother can be a little... possessive," she replies, turning around back to face Scotty. 

She's right, but that doesn't mean I don't like it. Spock's possessiveness is one of the qualities that I love about him. To be honest, I love everything about him. His cute small smile that curves the corners of his lips up in the most gentle and adorable way. His deep brown eyes, each swirl of colour in his irises attracting my eyes to his. His green tinged cheeks when he blushes. His eyebrows, soft and pointed upward a bit, increasing his clever demeanour. The way his face scrunches a bit when he's confused and the way his eyes dart away from mine when he tries to pretend they aren't on me. 

I smile, reaching out with my two fingers. 

Spock does the same, touching our fingers together in a wonderful Vulcan kiss. 

I smile, closing my eyes. There are some moments I never wish to end, as they are so beautiful they set my heart afire. This is one one them. A small perfect moment where we touch our fingers together, look up into each other's eyes, and prepare each other for what we are heading into. Even though I am getting visions- little insights into Gruff's plan, I don't know what he wants, or what will happen. We are very much in the dark. 

"You ready, Captain?" A voice questions, coming from the transporter controls, a million miles away. 

I breathe out quietly, thinking for a second, allowing us one more moment of perfectness, before I reply in my usual voice,"Beam us down," 

Spock closes his eyes, his hand tightening around his gun. I allow my fingers to drop from his and prepare my hand by my gun also, just as we are taken from the Enterprise in a swirl of golden light that emits up around us and are transported to the surface of New Vulcan. 

I had almost forgotten the heat.

Almost.

I take my gun out of my pocket, spinning around quickly, making sure we are in as minimal danger as possible. 

Spock touches my arm. "Jim, calm down. We're safe here," he says, his voice quiet. 

"How can you be so sure?" I question, my eyes meeting his. 

He sighs,"Jim, you should've slept properly last night." 

I shake my head, biting my lip. I know he's just being a caring T'hy'la but it still pisses me off a bit. However, I find it impossible to stay annoyed with him for long. 

"Guys, come on. Spock, hurry the hell up, unless you want your T'hy'la to get heat stroke again," she instructs, giving Spock a firm look. 

He raises an eyebrow at her and takes my hand in his. 

I smile. 

He smiles back, one of his cute half smiles that causes my insides to tingle and flip around in excitement and adoration. 

T'Paige leads the way, with Scotty by her side. 

Spock and I follow. 

New Vulcan looks different today than it did the last time I was here, only a few days ago. It looks a little brighter, and it's not as hot, though I am already sweating. It takes a few minutes but we eventually reach the house. It looks just the same, the earthy coloured walls calling out to me. Oddly, I feel as though I belong here, on this foreign planet, with my Spocky. 

"You do, Jim," Spock replies, his voice quiet and gentle. 

I grin. I think he's right. 

T'Paige opens the door and beckons for us all to follow. 

I glance at Spock, my insides jumping at the sight of him. With him, everything seems so easy, so clear. My path seems so easy... though I know it's not going to be, it never has been. But ignorance is bliss, and I'm not going to lie, I like this a lot. 

Scotty gives us both a confused glance, before turning to T'Paige with a questioning look. 

She grins, proceeding to whisper something in Scotty's ear that makes him blush. Who says humans can't love Vulcans, and vice versa? From what I can tell, they are very much in love. Like Spock and I. 

"Come on, Jim," Spock says, tugging my hand gently, asking silently for me to follow him. 

I nod, allowing him to lead me back into the house. 

T'Paige closes the door behind us. "Right. We need to find Sarek and make plans for how to confront Dr Konos," T'Paige announces, taking a seat on top of one of the strangely shaped tables. 

I wipe the sweat off of my forehead and nod. 

"Where is Sarek, anyways?" Spock asks, his eyes darting around the room. He hides his emotions well, but I know him so well, that I can see them a mile away. He's afraid. 

"Spock.." I whisper, touching his arm. 

He turns to me, his eyes focusing as they lock on mine. 

"It will be ok," I whisper, though I have no conformation that it will. I have no idea what is going to happen. In the end, we could all survive, or we could all die. I close my eyes. Time will tell.


	24. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarek's been taken by Gruff. Spock legit has a kissing fest with Jim for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. it's the Christmas holidays for me now, so, theoretically, I should have more time to update, right? Well, guess what? School decides to give us January exams. Um.. thanks school?! But anyways, I will try my best to update as often as i can, though I've kinda spammed y'all today heh.. anyways.. enjoy! XD

Spock Pov

After searching the house and finding no trace of Sarek, we all take a seat around one of our tables and turn to planning what to do next.

"So. What do we do, lassie?" Scotty asks my sister, giving her a look I find I recognise. 

"Well, we obviously need to confront Dr Konos.. but.. that's going to be dangerous as he is as strong, if not even stronger than Khan," T'Paige explains, sighing. 

"Hmm.. well, we need to find a way into that back room of his. I think what he has in there will shock all of you," Jim replies. 

I can't help turning my gaze onto him. He's looking desperately attractive today. So much so, that I find myself having to physically restrain myself from touching him. Public displays of affection are not exactly welcomed as Vulcans. My eyes move up to his mouth, darting across to his neck, where most of his love marks are still visible. Luckily no one has seemed to have noticed them yet, as they're all too busy with the matters at hand. My eyes find his. It stings a little inside when I notice the dark shadows beneath his eyes. I should've made him sleep last night. 

"Are you two able to make a distraction, while Spock and I enter the room?" Jim asks T'Paige and Scotty. 

They both nod. 

"I know exactly what to say to him," T'Paige snarls, clenching her fists. 

Scotty touches her arm and says in a soothing voice,"Calm down, lassie. We got this," 

She gives him a small smile and unclenches her fists. 

Jim yawns, rubbing a hand across his face before continuing,"We have a plan. Spocky, any idea where your dad is?" 

It takes me a second to realise he's speaking to me. The truth us, I have no clue where my father is. That's what I don't like. We leave and when we get back, he's gone. What has Dr Konos done? 

Jim gets up, yawning again,"Imma go take a leak. Be back guys," 

I look after him a she leaves, glance at my sister and Scotty, before walking out the door and heading for my father's room. I push open the door gently. It looks just as it did back on the original Vulcan. Tears build up in my eyes as I think of my home planet. My mother... murdered. I blink ferociously and proceed through the room, giving everything I good look at. The walls are these earthy colour as they always have been. His bed is a double bed, though no more than one will ever sleep there again. I sit on the edge of his bed, close my eyes, and breathe out slowly. Jim. Thoughts of loosing him haunt my conscious mind, disturbing my unconscious one. Despite my actions to convince him otherwise, I've had no more sleep than he has. Something beside the bed catches my eye. I reach out and take it in my hands. A piece of paper. My insides squirm as I read the name of who it is addressed to. Me. I slowly open it, confused, yet dreading what it may contain. The words are definitely Sarek's handwriting. I begin to read, fearing every word. It says:

Spock,

You and your T'hy'la were wise to leave. You must not come back. For the sake of you and everyone you know, leave immediately. Any attempt to find me will most likely result in the death of you and people you love. Dr Konos is a dangerous man, as you must have realised by now. You must not try to find me. I do not like to beg, as it is illogical. But in this case, please do not. Leave. Never return. Stay safe.

-Sarek

I frown, trying hard to keep the emotions under control. Suddenly, the door opens. 

I look up hurriedly as Jim enters, a grave expression on his face, which only intensifies as his eyes lock on mine. I watch in silence as he walks over and takes a seat next to me on Sarek's bed. 

He snakes an arm around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder. "I feel like shit, Spock..." he mumbles, groaning quietly. 

I pull him closer to me, allowing the letter to drop from my hands and onto the floor. "You should've slept, last night, Jim," I reply. 

He gives me a look that says "don't give me that". 

I shrug and reply,"Well, you should have," 

"Ugh.. you sound like Bones.." he mumbles, leaning into me. 

Desire burns inside me, having built up over a day of minimal touch on him. A small growl vibrates at the back if my throat. 

"Spock.." he mumbles,"What are you-" 

I don't give him any more time to finish as I am on top of him, pinning his perfect body down against the bed. 

His eyes flick up to me, so dazzlingly blue that my heart melts. 

I touch my lips to his, kissing and kissing him. 

His mouth moves perfectly under mine. 

With my hands I smooth this hair back, bringing my hands under his chin, and tiring it up so I can kiss him more. 

He gasps for air, a loud noise of appreciation escaping his lips. 

I smile, pushing my body down on his. In this moment, I can no longer control myself. The worry that I may never get to do this to him eats me alive, fuelling my next move. We're both sweating, breathing hard, but in now way ready to let go of each other. I so desperately want to go further, but I force myself to stop, sitting up. The cool air hits the back of my neck, making me shiver. 

Jim sits up, loops his arms around my neck and kisses me again. 

I return to kissing him again. A groan escapes my mouth, causing him to laugh quietly. 

He continues to laugh, resulting in my having to pull away. 

I smile, gazing into my T'hy'la's eyes. His lips are slightly swollen from all of the kissing. 

He continues to laugh, his eyes closing like little half moons.

My smile fades. 

His laughs turn to little sobs. 

I reach forward and swipe the tears off of his cheeks with my thumb. "It'll be ok, Jim," I whisper, leaning in to kiss him again. Better live each day as if it's our last, as well never know which one it will be. 

He doesn't protest as I shove him back against the blankets to remain kissing him once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That ending! XD I'm dying lol.


	25. Bones Sees It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones always manages to arrive at the worst possible moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter. I had the best idea while watching Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters. You will find out soon enough. I hope thas chapter is ok.

Kirk Pov

After a ton of kissing on Spock and my part, we have to face the fact that it is time to leave. We meet back up with T'Paige and Scotty who seem to be more than a little busy. 

Scotty has her pinned against the wall and is kissing her just in the way Spock was to me a few moments prior. 

I can't help a small smirk curve on my lips. 

Before I can say or do anything more Spock pushes me back to the wall, clearly fuelled by the scene beside us. 

I grin. We have to go, but I may as well have this moment more. My hands slowly caress his sides, feeling him in ways I've wished to for so long. 

He brings his face inches from mine, his breath warm as it falls across my face. 

My mouth opens. I try to speak, but all I can do is mouth "Spock," 

He pushes my wrists to the wall behind me, pinning me there like a fly pinned to a dissection board. But, unlike the fly, I do not resist. I like it when Spock takes control. It's tremendously sexy. "Sexy Vulcan beast.." I whisper, my eyes flitting up to meet his. For a moment, we stay perfectly still, our eyes on each other's, not breaking our gaze, not even daring to breathe. 

And then he looses the remains of his self control and kisses me hard. 

I smile into his lips, welcoming his tongue into my mouth. There is nothing better in the world- the galaxy- all of the galaxies- than this. Damn, I think I'm beginning to become really attached to this Vulcan. 

"What are you guys doing?!" 

I jump as Bones enters the room. 

Spock moves away from me quickly, already beginning to erase the emotions from his expression. 

T'Paige and Scotty jump apart also, baring blushes as they glance around the room, clearly confused at the amount of people in the room with them. T'Paige, to her credit, doesn't look too disgruntled, only a little surprised. 

Scotty, on the other hand, is a blushing mess. 

Spock winds his arm around mine, clearly stating to everyone in the room who I belong to. 

I smile at him, trying to stop myself from blushing further. 

Bones just shakes his head, sighing. "I knew I'd have to come down here. You love birds will get nothing done without me," he grumbles, casting his gaze about the room somewhat warily. "Where is that Vulcan daddy of yours, hob gob?" He asks. 

With amusement, I realise he's talking to Spock. 

"My name is Spock, Dr, and my father is not here. He's.." Spock trails off, his voice hitching at the end. 

I turn all of my attention to him. "What's wrong, Spocky?" I ask, reaching out to stroke my fingers through his silky black hair. 

He closes his eyes, a small hum of satisfaction escaping his lips. But he says nothing. Not about his father, or anything else. 

"Leave it, Jim. We all need to go. Now." Bones instructs, his voice taking on that harsh commanding tone I can never ignore. 

Scotty and T'Paige immediately start forward, realising Bones is talking to them also. 

"It'll be ok, Spock," I whisper, leaning in to give him a gentle kiss on the forehead. 

He looks at me, his eyes open wide, but says nothing. 

I find I am unable to receive any emotion from our bond. I push the unease and disappointment away, tugging lightly on Spock's hand: a command to follow. 

He does, and we leave the building, both dreading and anticipating what lies ahead. No one speaks as we trek through the overly hot climate of New Vulcan. It should take us 10 minutes, tops, to reach Gruff's accommodation. 

"Are you ok?" I whisper to Spock, making sure not to be heard by the others. 

He thinks for a moment; I can see it in his eyes and by the way his head tilts just that little bit, before replying, in a short and quiet voice,"Yes," 

I don't believe him, but as he seems to be disallowing me to see his emotions, there's not much I can go on. After a few minutes more of deathly silence we reach Gruff's place. It looks different than it did before, maybe because I was nearly passing out the last time I visited. I wipe sweat off of my forehead and turn to Spock, unsure of what to do next. 

He curls his fingers around mine and tugs my hand a little, indicating that we must continue. 

Bones leads, striding up to the entrance with no fear whatsoever. He does know what we're here for, right? 

Spock glances at me and nods, answering my unspoken question only he heard. The bond. I would smile... if I weren't trying to stop my hands from shaking. Why now, of all times do my nightmares and visions decide to come back to me? 

I'm breathing too fast. 

Spock squeezes my hand, such a human gesture that above all else it shoves the images to the back of my mind. 

No. 

My mother isn't dead.

That's just a foresight of what could happen. I'll make sure it never does. 

"Hello... Mr.. uh.. Konos?" Bones calls, banging on the door. 

I let go of Spock's hand, a little reluctantly, and head over to the door myself. "Bones, let me," I say, indicating for him to move away. 

He sighs, shaking his head, before stepping back, his eyes fixed on me with an uncertain look. 

I give the door a huge shove, throwing all of my weight onto it. It doesn't budge. 

"It's locked," T'Paige's voice comes out from behind me. 

I turn around, frustration clear. I have to get into that room. I have to show the others the planets. I have to prove everything I've seen is real. Well- not all of it, just the parts that matter. The parts that should be true. 

Spock appears next to me, his gaze quizzical. "It appears he is not in," he states, his voice back to its usual public emotionless tone. 

I nod, muttering,"Seems so," 

"Well, what are we going to do laddie? We cannae just stand ere in this damn sun forever," Scotty explains, appearing next to T'Paige.

I nod, sighing,"I know, I know. Let me think," 

"Wait- is this the way you got in before?" Bones questions, glancing up at the hug stone doors. 

I follow his gaze, but find that I am unable to tell. I shrug,"I can't actually remember. I was focusing on not passing out, to be honest," 

Beside me, Spock makes a quiet wincing sound, alerting to me that the one must have been hard for him. Then he clears his face of emotion and glances up at the huge doors, is head tilting slightly to one side. 

I can't help a small grin appear on my face. He's adorable, my Spocky. I can't wait for this to all be over so I can be with him in peace. 

He shakes his head, then turns to Bones, before saying,"Negative. These are the front doors. However, the doors we came in by we're much smaller and located in a different spot." 

"So.. a back door, eh?" Scotty remarks, his gaze lifting up from the doors and unto the sky. 

I glance around at all of them, my crew, my friends, and in Spock's case, boyfriend. Then I glance back up at the doors towering high above us, lost in thought. 

"What are you waiting for?" Bones demands, pulling me back to reality again. "Gods sake man, let's go. I was right: you get nothing done without me," we begin to walk around the edge of the building, searching for a certain back door.

I notice Bones opening his mouth again. 

"Shut up Bones," I say, giving him a wink. 

He rolls his eyes and looks away. However, I notice another emotion in his eyes... one I do not recognise. Which is odd, since I'm kinda the king of emotions. But I brush it off, slipping my fingers between Spock's again. I just hope we find that back door and find it quick. I'm eager to continue with my usual life.


	26. The Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They enter the room with the tiny planets. Gruff is there. Two words. Oh. nO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter might be a little confusing but just stick with it. XD

Spock Pov

"Guys, I think this is it," T'Paige announces, gesturing to two smaller doors that I recognise immediately. 

I find my gaze drifting from the doors and onto that of my T'hy'la, standing as close to me as possible, without actually touching me at all. I crave for his touch, but I keep my hands by my sides, knowing that if I reach out to touch him, we will become too engrossed in us to have any time for continuing our mission. 

"For gods sake guys, let's just get the hell inside!" Dr McCoy exclaims, stepping up to the door with minimal caution and simplify pushing it open. 

I stay exactly where I am, and just stare at the doors as they swing open, a little too easily, under Dr McCoy's touch. He shrugs it off, clearly deciding it doesn't warrant worry. What confuses me the most is why Dr Konos would barricade and secure his front doors, while aimlessly allowing anyone who wanders by to enter through his back ones. Is it to do with the structure of the building, or perhaps some terrible and undignified dangerous plan of his? 

These thoughts are pushed to the back of my mind as Jim takes my hand, a beautiful smile lighting up his already glowing face, and gives it a little tug. 

I look up, embarrassed at my unusual spacing out. 

Dr McCoy, Mr Scott and my sister are already inside. 

I follow Jim through the doors, whereupon he closes them behind us lightly, a touch of amusement mixed with caution curving his lips. 

He turns back around to face me, his beautiful blue eyes wide and loving and... beneath it all... a little afraid. 

I slide my hand into his and give him a little smile. "I love you, ashaya," I whisper, gazing into his wondrously beautiful eyes. 

He smiles back, revealing to me through the bond how happy those four words make him. 

"Ugh, come on you two," Dr McCoy grumbles, giving Jim a playful shove. 

He shakes his head and says in a faux mocking tone,"Oh Bonesy, calm down, darlin," 

Dr McCoy goes very red in the face, mutters something that includes the words "annoying" and "dammit" and "Jim", before turning away from all of us with an exasperated sigh. 

We finally remove our attention from each other and gaze about the room around us. It looks nearly the same as it did under a week ago. It's a vast room, larger in height than in width or length. The floor is a too bright white that squeaks if we apply too much pressure to it. 

Jim groans a little, grumbling about how it hurts his eyes. 

I increase the intensity of my hand grip on his. 

Through the bond he thanks me. I notice he's staring at something, his eyes riveted on a single thing, perpetually. Another door. A single metal one, at the back of the room, leading into the unknown. 

"That's it," he breathes, his voice desirably husky and low. 

I bite my lip, outraged at the suggestion of what I am thinking. I really must take more control of my human side, as it is starting to leak out, causing embarrassing issues such as this one. Not as if Jim knows..... as he's paying too much attention to the door to think about my mental images right now. A good thing that is. 

"The planets are in here! Let's go!" Jim suddenly exclaims, tugging my hand as he begins to hurry off towards the door. 

I make my best attempt to follow him, whilst still trying hard to shake off the affect his sexy talking before had influenced me. Damn, i desperately want Jim Kirk. I want to push him against one of these hard metal walls and kiss him until we both can't breathe and pass out from lack of oxygen. I want to run my fingers through his perfect dark blonde hair and lick the tips with my tongue. I want to straddle my T'hy'la and make him feel good- better than he's ever felt before. My thoughts are interrupted as Jim pushes open the door, leading us into the room he made such a fuss about. And oh, I understand it all now. The other three appear behind us, but I barely notice them at all. My eyes are fixated on the contents of the room. Jim was right. 

"Hell yes I was Spocky," he whispers in my ear, his breath warm and as enticing as ever. 

"Shhhh, Jim, before I lose control and slam you against that wall," I reply, my voice barely a whisper, yet he has no trouble at all in hearing it. 

"You know how much I'd love that~"he purrs back a reply, his lustful eyes gazing over at me, so deep and blue and wonderfully Jim, that I find I cannot pull away. 

I want to kiss him- need to kiss him, but Dr McCoy interrupts it all by saying one simple word: 

"Shit!" 

Jim and I jump apart, both blushing and embarrassed, but a little confused at Dr McCoy's outburst. 

"T'Paige?" A voice calls, from the other end of the room.   
I find my neck snapping round to acknowledge the person the voice belongs to. Fear prickles inside of me, but it's nothing to what is coming from Jim. 

His eyes are set angrily at the figure, his deep blue irises baring negative emotions that I find if he ever looked at me like that, I would most likely fall submissive to his will. But through the bond I can tell than he's hurting badly. 

I squeeze his hand, trying to comfort him in this dangerous place. 

In front of us, with his dark glistening black eyes and hooded uniform, is Dr Konos. He doesn't say a word, just stares at Jim, a strange expression on his face.

I glance behind me, to where my sister, Scotty and Dr McCoy are standing, hands touching their guns, ready for anything. I watch as Jim's shaking hand slides to his pocket and takes out his phaser. 

"Jim," I whisper softly as my eyes observe his fingers flicking the switch which determines weather the phaser stuns or kills. 

"S..Spock.." he stutters, his eyes never leaving the figure in front of us. It scares me how broken his voice sounds. Oh Jim. I want to hug him so desperately, but I manage to keep my attention on Dr Konos. 

His eyes are on the gun in Jim's hand, which he has now moved to aim at our adversary. 

"Spock," 

I start a little, upon hearing my name. 

"You will tell your mate here, to put down his gun and walk towards me," Dr Konos orders, his dark bottomless looking eyes black pits of horror. 

I find I can't look him in the eye, so I turn my gaze to my beautiful T'hy'la beside me. 

His hands are shaking. 

I smooth large circles with my two fingers on the back of his hand. 

"Spock, don't listen to him," Dr McCoy instructs from behind me. 

I don't say anything, just slide my arm around Jim's waist and bring him tighter to me. 

Dr Konos let's out a short clipped laugh, before stepping closer, revealing something in his hand, and saying, in a voice that fills me with dread,"Wrong choice,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't think that's as complicated as I thought it would be. The next one will be though. But yesh. Good or not?


	27. Never Show Your Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're captured. Uh Oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um so yeah I'm bad at writing fight scenes and stuff so ehem this will be *cough* *cough* pretty bad but ehhh hope it's kinda alright. Probably well confusing lol.

Kirk Pov

My hands are shaking as I hold the gun out in front of me, my thumb covering over the trigger. Spock's warm form next to me is the only thing that stops me panicking. 

Gruff takes a step toward us, moving in a casual manner that oozes confidence and little regard for us.

"Jim.." Spock whispers, his voice low and terribly calm,"We need to go. It is unwise to engage in combat with Dr Konos as his strength is at least two times that of Khan," 

I nod and reply back, hating how frantic I sound,"I know I know I know! Just... I know.." 

"Jim, listen to the hobgoblin," Bones instructs from behind us. 

But running is for cowards, isn't it? And I'm the captain of the USS Enterprise. I don't want to be a coward. 

"Jim, no." Spock warns. 

I feel his terror and worry for me through our bond, but I brush it off, letting go of Spock's hand and pushing him behind me. "Stay behind me Spock. I'll deal with Konos," I order, my attention completely zeroed in on Gruff. I hate the way his ugly face bares a smile, a taunting and merciless thing wrapped up in skin and lies and fake weakness. The lines drove deep into his face make him look like some sort of monster. 

His eyes are large and unblinking as he walks slowly towards me, his pace rhythmic and planned out. Like he has forever. 

"Jim!" 

A voice exclaims from behind me. I can't tell who it is. All my thoughts are stripped away from me, leaving me with plain instinct. I want to make Gruff pay for all the lives he's destroyed. Without being told, I know exactly what he's done. I don't know how, as it seems so impossible and crazy and cruel. But as long as there are good things left there will always be ones who seek to ruin it, or take it all for themselves.

Someone is grabbing at my arm, trying to pull me away. But they're too late. I've made up my mind. "Stop it!" I shout,"He needs to pay!" 

"Jim!" 

I think it's Bones...or is it Spock, Spock my lover... I smile inside at the thought. 

And then Gruff is upon us. 

With one swipe the gun is flung out of my hand and skitters across the smooth black floor. Before I can do anything he punches me hard in the chest. The force of it sends me tumbling back to the wall, gasping in shock and pain. 

I feel like I can't breathe. In the corner of my eye, I catch T'Paige and Scotty jumping into action, a very pissed looking Bones taking out his gun and swearing. I stumble to my feet, swaying a little. Spock wasn't lying when he said this guy was powerful. I always pick fights, don't I? Every breath feels like fire but I find I'm running. I swing a punch at Gruff, knocking him a little way back. 

He turns on me again, a huge red toothed smile aimed at me. He doesn't even look a bit hurt. 

Spock goes up behind him and tries to do that nerve pinch thingy. 

I dart away from one of Gruff's punches. 

T'Paige appears next to me, her phaser in her hand. 

I smile at her and she winks in return, grabbing my arm quickly in order to tug me away from another punch. "Thanks.." I gasp, a little breathless, not to mention the burning pain in my chest. 

Spock falls down to the floor, his hands terribly bruised and shaking. 

"Spock!" I exclaim, rushing over to him. 

He stands up, wincing a little. "I couldn't knock him unconscious, Jim. He's too strong for me. His skin is like.., metal..." he explains, a look of despair and fear on his face. Only for me. 

I have no time to relish in that fact as Gruff is onto us again, his black soulless eyes, boring into us. 

I shudder, backing up to the wall with Spock beside me.

"Jim! Spock!" A voice exclaims. 

I glance their way. Bones, T'Paige and Scotty are gone. In their place is a huge dark panel, blocking the entrance to the rest of the room. We're on our own now. A sinking feeling begins in the bottom of my stomach. How are we going to get out of this? Gruff corners us, his mouth never failing to smile, terrible and taunting and... I'm surprised to find it reminds me of Carol when she forced herself on me in the bridge. I feel a little sick, looking at the black liquid slowly slicking down Gruff's cheek. Is that his kind of a tear? I'm so confused.

"Oh, I feel for you two, I really do. You only have your sister to blame, Spock. If she hadn't have told you about my plans... well.. you would be spared..." he begins, his face inches from ours. 

Don't show your fear, Jim. Don't let him know how much he's frightening you. I bite my lip hard, barely daring to breathe. Spock's injured hand is secured tightly with my own. It feels slightly sticky from his blood. 

Gruff then turns on me, his pure black eyes glittering, before he says,"But you, Jim. Agh.. " He reaches his large arm out and touches his fingers to my chin, lifting my head up and stroking his thumb along my skin roughly. 

I can't help whimpering. 

Next to me, Spock makes a low growl. 

I shut my eyes right. 

"Ah.. I didn't mean to allow you so much information. But... you're such a beautiful creature Jim... I couldn't resist. Your mind is a paradise for people like me, you must understand. And now.... I'm going to have to destroy you both... such a pity.." He suddenly let's go of my chin, drawing his arm away. Yet he doesn't move an inch away from us. 

I'm shaking badly, multiple thoughts crashing around in my head. Fear. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Anxiety. Shock. Confusion. 

"Now, I'm going to allow you two to meet my other prisoner. And then the torture will commence." Gruff states, a small devious smile curving his dark stained lips. 

Spock grips my arm and makes a move to run, tugging me with him, but Gruff stops him with one shot from my own gun, switched over to stun mode. 

I glance is despair as my beautiful Spocky lies limo in my arms, the only thing to tell me he's alive being the small rise and fall of his chest. I press my face into his hair just as Gruff stuns me too, and everything slips away into blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fricking evil mwah hah hah... actually tbh I'm cry now. Spock and Jim 😭. They're not dead... yet... okay I'm not helping. Um.. so yeah. Bye. uwu


	28. Gruff's Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find Sarek. Now they're all gonna die.. maybe..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughity coughity* So yes next chapter it's going to be hard to write this ah.. anyways here we go..

Spock Pov

My eyes flutter open and I sit up stiffly, glancing around to accustom myself with my surroundings. It's a dark room, with a black floor, ceiling and walls. The only light comes from a door made of thick black tinted glass. I can't see through it. I stand up shakily. A groan from somewhere down beside me causes me to jump. I step back a bit, preparing for anything. 

But then I realise that it's Jim. He's sitting up and staring up at me, his beautiful sky blue eyes fixed on me. "Spock..?" He mumbles, rubbing his head,"Where are we?" 

I grab his hand and help him up. "I do not know," I reply, turning my attention to my T'hy'la so I can scrutinise him and check if he has any injuries. 

He seems to be doing the same to me. He has a fresh bruise by the side of his left eye and a dark red patch on his chest where he was hit but apart from that he looks alright. 

"Jim.." I whisper, reaching my hand out to ghost my fingers over the bruise. 

He winces,"Ah.. Spock.. don't.." 

I draw back my arm quickly, wincing also as my fingers sting. 

His expression twists with concern and he leans in and pecks me gently on the nose, before leaning back and whispering,"Sorry," 

I shake my head,"I touched you, Jim," 

He shrugs it off and walks up to the huge panel of thick black tinted glass. "Do you think we will be able to break this?" He questions, pressing his fingers up against the glass, with a tentative expression on his face. 

I walk up beside him, thinking. I give it a little shove. Nothing. It's extremely thick glass. It's not breaking any time soon. 

"Ugh.." Jim groans, flopping down on the hard dark floor with a sigh. 

I join him cautiously, keeping an eye on his chest wound to make sure there is no more bleeding. 

"How are we gonna get outta this one, Spock?" He suddenly asks, resting his head on my shoulder. 

I snake an arm around him and pull him close. "I believe you said the exact same words on Altamid, Jim," I reply, after a minute of silence. 

"Yeah, I guess I did," he answers, turning his wide blue eyes to me. 

I gaze into them, an almost smile playing across my lips. 

The sound of footsteps snaps my head around sharply. 

Jim jumps next to me, then loops his fingers protectively around my arm, snaring himself to me. 

I can only make out figures through the misty black glass- it's not meant as a window, only a transporter of light. Then suddenly the glass slab is pulled away and a person is thrown in, before the slab knocks back into place with a loud clicking sound.

I tense, pulling Jim closer to me. As my eyes get accustomed to the low light again I find I recognise the person. It's.... Sarek. My father. 

He coughs a little, green blood dotting the ground as he does so. 

My heart clenches. 

Jim begins to stroke his fingers up and down my arm in a soothing way. 

I finally find my voice and call out,"Father?" 

For the first time since being thrown into this room, Sarek looks up at us. 

"S..Spock?" He exclaims, aghast,"I thought I told you to leave!" 

I nod, and mumble a quiet,"Yes, you did. But... we had other reasons to stay.. what..what did they do to you?" I ask, feeling my eyes grow wide, my walls crumbling down before my very eyes. 

He struggles into a sitting position. I notice he's bleeding in a few different places and one of his eyes is totally gone. 

Jim shivers next to me, his eyes purposely anywhere but on the missing eye. 

Emotional pain threatens to compromise me but I fight it off, staring hopelessly at my half dying father. 

"He did what he will do to both of you: torture me. T'Paige was correct. This has all gone very wrong," Sarek says. 

Next to me Jim asks,"Gr- Dr Konos, what is his plan? The planets... is he really...taking their life and using it to create and power New Vulcan?"

Sarek gives a curt nod, then a sigh, before continuing,"He stole the genesis information from Star fleet's data banks... and used it to do astronomical damage .. I do not know how he accomplished it all. " 

I shut my eyes tight, feeling a little light headed. I'm struggling to wrap my head around all of this situation. Dr Konos with the planets... the genesis information... Jim's part in the knowledge and the dream visions.. T'Paige and Sarek's sudden increase in importance in it all.. and then the fact that we are stuck here, and are going to be tortured to death. I open my eyes again, blowing out a long breath as I've seen Jim do often back in the Enterprise. 

Sarek opens his mouth as if to speak but before he can say anything he begins to cough. When he's finished there's green blood leaking out of the corner of his mouth. Something pinches inside of me. He's not going to make it. It's a fact that when people start bleeding from the mouth they're done for. 

"Father.." I begin, unsure how to end my sentence. For once, logic doesn't seem applicable. The logical thing to do here would be to accept my father's fate and try to find a way for Jim and I to avoid the same one. But... I can't. If I were fully Vulcan, I probably would. He looks so calm. 

His eyes drift up to the ceiling, before stilling there, his whole body slumping to the ground, unmoving, not a breath, or a heartbeat. 

I find I can't move. I just sit here, staring at my father, Sarek, lying on the cold black prison floor in clothes stained in his own blood. 

A little whimper echoes out beside me and I turn, my eyes finding Jim's. He's crying silently, shaking terribly. 

I pull him towards me and bury my face in his shoulder, finally letting myself go, and sob freely, mourning my father's death that happened right in front of my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hard to write... I'm sorry... I know you probably hate me right now... so do I lol... I swear it will get better... but before that it has to get worse... Sowwy again. Hope it wasn't too distressing.


	29. Don't apologise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gruff tortures Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there will be violence in this so if you have any issues with that I suggest you skip this chapter. The story should still mostly make sense. Anyways, yeah. Here it is

Kirk Pov

I don't know how long we've been sitting here for, arms tightly secured around each other, but we finally pull away from each other, breathing hard. I wipe my eyes, trying to hide the evidence of my crying, but it's useless. 

"Sorry, Jim. I should've controlled myself better than-" 

A bout of anger blossoms inside me at Spock's words and I press my finger to his lips, stilling them and holding his words forever inside. "Don't, Spock. This is by no means your fault," I sigh, taking my finger away. 

He makes no attempt to continue his sentence. His beautiful dark brown eyes are glistening with tears yet to fall.

I can't stop staring at them, only imagining what he must be going through right now. Loosing his mother, planet and now father. 

A sudden clicking sound coming from the huge glass slab causes us both to jump. I can't stop the fear from growing inside of me. It must be Gruff, preparing to commence the tortures he talked about. I watch with wide eyes as the glass is slotted out of the huge gaping hole in front of us and a tall figure steps through, their footsteps echoing out throughout the entire room. I tighten my grip on Spock's arm. 

Gruff glances down at Sarek's unmoving form, a look of vague surprise on his face. 

I clench my fists. "Don't look so surprised! You killed him!" I scream. 

"Jim.. don't.." Spock mumbles beside me, the hopelessness in his voice tearing my heart in two. He's the logical one, not me. But somehow that makes it worse. If he knows every logical way to escape, and realises that none of them are possible for us, then we really have no chance. 

Gruff reaches forward and grips my upper arm hard, yanking me away from Spock's grip. 

I cry out, fighting back. But it's no use. He's just too strong. The last thing I see before I'm pulled out of the room is Spock's pale and frightened face, as a single tear slips out of his eye and slides soundlessly down his cheek. 

I hear Gruff locking the glass back into the doorway. "Don't fight, Jim. I know you want to. I don't blame you. But you mustn't make this any harder than it already is," he growls, forcing my wrists into metal clamps which he chains to a large hook on the wall. He lets the chains drop. Immediately, I'm dragged down to the floor. 

The weights are pulling my wrists down, biting into my skin. I gasp aloud, biting my lip hard. I can't stop shaking. Slowly, I lift my head up and my eyes meet the dark soulless ones of Gruff. 

He's inches away from me, his stank and cold breath touching my face gently. It makes me feel sick. 

"You're so beautiful...." Gruff murmurs, tracing his finger along the line of my jaw. 

I jerk my head away, trembling. 

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He snarls, gripping my chin and forcing my head to face his. 

I wince internally, hating him more and more. 

I know you hate me, Jim. I want you to know that I never intended to transfer so much information to you. This vision you got were from me.... and one of them,.. well, it wasn't real. The traumatic one. There is not a possibility of it happening. But I do wish to apologise for what I am about to do as I would rather not hurt you. As I says before, you are beautiful... your mind even more so. But as you just know far too much I'm going to have to kill you. And I'd rather do that in the most enjoyable way possible for me. Please do forgive me," he purrs, turning around and picking up something between his two fingers. 

I grind my teeth together, still struggling to get free from the chains binding me to the wall. "Don't you fucking apologise!" I yell, tugging at the chains with all my might, only to fall to the hard ground again, gasping in pain and exhaustion. My tired eyes lift up again just to register the implement glistening in the low light of the room as it's thrust towards me. I cry out in pain as he drags the sharp edge down my arm, releasing a small fall of warm wet liquid down to my wrist. The crimson liquid drops from the tips of my fingers and dots the floor. I groan quietly, my arm already beginning to throb painfully. 

My eyes slide to where he's preparing something that looks a bit like a blowtorch. 

I shudder, my mind already filling with terrible images of what he may do. I shut my eyes right just as a burning pain slides across my abdomen. I groan and jerk as he brushes the flames back over my searing skin. "Ah!" I gasp, writhing. My whole lower half save my legs feels like it's on fire. Tears bead in my eyes, streaking down my cheeks as I moan uselessly in pain. My mind goes blank except for the pain. That is one thing that is so vivid and clear. 

When Gruff finally stops with the blowtorch I find I can't lift my head. My breathing is uneven and I bury my face in my uninjured arm and begin to sob. More pain litters my body. I don't even know what he's doing anymore. I curl in on myself, groaning as my injuries sting. 

"I'm sorry, Jim." The voice of Gruff says.

I want to reply, to scream at him, to kick and make him pay for all he's done to Spock and I, and to millions of people and creatures. All I can manage to do is move my head so that I can see the hypo in his hand slowly fill with some black liquid. 

"Ah, you're interested. My black blood... as poisonous as strickneen but will kill you slowly," he explains, readying the hypo in his hands. 

I bury my face back down again, closing my eyes tight. I'm afraid. Spock... it wasn't that long ago we got together. Now we're going to forever be deprived of that future we could've had. It hurts more than any physical pain I could ever be forced to endure. We both love each other... so much... but even that is not enough. 

I gasp as the hypo is jabbed into my shoulder. Oh, Spock. There is no way out. This is our only future. I close my eyes as tears yet again begin to stream down my cheeks. It's hopeless. We are both going to die here and there is absolutely nothing we can do. Our bond lines will run cold and dark, disappearing into nothing as if they never existed in the first place. Just like Spock and Jim will disappear. Well stay in people's memory, obviously. But memories fade, and as the memories of them go, so will the memories of us. 

Just as if we were never anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so sad. It'll get better soon I promise. Anyways, merry Christmas! I hope you all have a great day. :D


	30. Not What We Ever Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning again for violence etc etc like the last chapter.

Spock Pov

As soon as Dr Konos tugs Jim away from me and disappears, shutting the hole behind him, I stand up, beginning to pace the room. All thoughts of escape flitting through my mind. But... they won't work. We're stuck here. My thoughts are interrupted by a scream of pain coming from outside the glass. 

"Jim!" I gasp, rushing to the glass and pressing my fingers to the cold impenetrable surface. What is Dr Konos doing to him? My T'hy'la is in pain... I need to help him. My whole body is shaking from the inside out. I pound my fists on the glass, biting my lip in order to keep from crying. 

"Jim! T'hy'la!" I scream, punching and punching the glass until my hands ache and my legs can no longer support me. I slip to the hard dark ground, burying my face in my arms as tears slip down my cheeks. Jim. Jim. Jim. Another cry of pain from outside echoes out. I lift my head up, hatred and pain and sadness and regret and worry and so many other human emotions rushing through me at once. I shut my eyes right and reach out for Jim in the bond. 

"Jim.." I whisper, clenching my fists. He's in pain, that much I can tell. He's alone and afraid and.. I'm not there. I curl in on myself, deciding with a chilling and terrible certainty that I do not care what happens to me after this. My life does not matter. Only Jim's does. I must do whatever it takes to make sure he gets out of here alive... even if I do not. 

After what seems like hours of sitting here, crying and trying desperately to piece together something that could be a plan, the glass is heaved aside and my beautiful Jim is thrown into the room. 

I glance at him, terrified of what I may see. He's conscious, thankfully. 

"Jim,..." I whisper, my eyes sliding over the huge bleeding gash on his left arm, down across his chest where his clothes have been scorched through in places, revealing burnt skin. I can't breathe right. I gaze into his eyes, tears escaping my own. 

"Spock.." he whispers,"Stay strong for me.. please.." he manages, before curling in on himself and beginning to sob quietly. 

I stand up and start to go to him, but a strong hand tugs at my arm. Dr Konos. I pull back, my tear blinded eyes fixed on my T'hy'la. But I am not strong enough. A Vulcan is stronger than a human. But I am not stronger than this one, whatever he may be. 

"Jim!" I scream, as I'm tugged out if the room myself and the glass is secured back in place. I glare up at Dr Konos, forgetting any reason as to why I should hide the way I feel. He's as Jim would say... a monster. 

My struggles do little to help as he binds me to the wall and turns away, clearly preparing whatever torture he has planned. I can still hear Jim's soft sobbing from inside the dark room. My heart feels as though it is dying, disappearing away and breaking into a thousand pieces. Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim. 

Dr Konos turns to me, some sort of shining silver sharp implement in his hand. 

My eyes watch as he approaches me with it, his eyes dark and cold. He doesn't care about me. Is this what I must've looked like, when I hid away my emotions? I find myself despising this man.. if I can call him that at all. I notice that the blade of the implement is flecked with dry bits of red blood. Jim's. 

Tears burn in my eyes again upon thinking that. 

The dark lips of Dr Konos slowly twist into a cruel smile. 

Jim once told me that a smile can mean many things for humans. Happiness. Sadness. Joy. Or this one. He looks joyous, but also... angry. Angry joy. What a strange thing these emotions really are. As I realise what he's about to do I shut my eyes tight, remembering what Jim told me before I was tugged away. I need to stay strong... for him. 

I gasp in pain as the blade rides down the skin of my arm, letting my green blood escape out in its wake. I clench my teeth and my fists, determined not to make a sound anymore. I do not want Jim to hear my suffering. 

"Oh Spock," Dr Konos purrs, with a thick heavily venomous tone,"He will hear. I'll make him hear," His grip tightens on the blade and he proceeds to attach my other arm, ribbon if it with green slashes. 

A groan escapes my mouth. My legs are shaking as I try desperately to support myself. 

He takes out something that must be a blow torch. The fire burns bright and red as he draws the flames across my chest and up my back. 

A whimper forces itself out of my lips and I slide to the floor, shaking. 

"You will both die.. you and your bond mate. I was born on Vulcan too, you know. I had a human mother.. just like you. But I was more human than Vulcan, so I was not accepted. Not truly. I left, Spock. You should've left. You should've joined my cause. I am creating the new Vulcan. Here, everyone will bow down to me and will no longer mock me for something I am. You see, it's better this way," he tells me, the grip on the blowtorch finally fading until he lets it drop to the floor with a clang. 

I lift my head up so I can lock eyes with him, panting fervently. "You are a monster... a killer... you .. do not.. deserve their... " 

I pant, but he cuts me off my stabbing a large hypo into my shoulder. 

I gasp aloud, my eyes flicking to watch as strange black liquid enters my veins. 

He yanks the hypo out and discards it to the floor, the cruel smile never leaving his lips. The place he stabbed it in burns terribly. 

"What did you do?!" I demand, struggling to keep my head up and level with his. Just a few seconds more... please. 

"You will soon find out," he replies, before giving me a hard kick that sends me smacking back into the rock hard wall behind me. 

I gasp, my vision blurring and focusing over and over again. 

He takes out something else and I close my eyes, thinking only if Jim. Jim. My T'hy'la. We were supposed to have forever. But we don't. There's never enough time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad again I am very sorry. I'm thinking of a Bones Pov soon. Anyways yeah.. I hope this wasn't too bad.


	31. Die Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was dead all of yesterday and honestly could barely type anything that made sense. Anyways, here is the next chapter. XD

Kirk Pov

I've managed to pull myself together enough that I'm not crying by the time Gruff throws Spock back into the dark room, his ominous figure disappearing once more behind the tinted glass. The sight of my beautiful Spocky in the state he's been left in nearly causes me to start crying all again. 

Our eyes meet, my blue on his beautiful brown. For a second, neither of us moves or speaks or thinks. It's just a silent connection that neither of us doubts. My battle to fight back the tears is failing and I look away, my eyes stinging with them. Why? Why is Gruff doing this to us? 

I start a little as warm arms wrap themselves cautiously around me. Spock. I try to smile but I find I can't. The tears overflow in my eyes and I press my face into Spock's shoulder, crying softy. 

"Ashaya..." Spock whispers, hugging my tighter, the warmth of his bond wrapping itself around me. "Ashaya.. it's ok... it'll be ok.." he murmurs into my neck, is breath soft and warm and gentle. 

I try with all of my effort to believe him, but.. I just don't see how his words can be true. But I hug onto him, wrapping my own arms around him also as my tears finally stop. I pull away a little to see his face. 

His wonderful dark brown eyes are fixed hard on me, an unreadable emotion portrayed there. A single tear leaks out of the corner of his eye. 

I reach up gently and wipe it away with my finger, resting my hand under his chin. I slowly tilt his face up, my other hand sliding up his chest until it reaches his shoulder. 

"Jim.." he whispers, his eyes never once leaving mine.

I nod,"Mmm?" 

"Did he inject you with the black liquid too?" Spock questions quietly. 

I think for a moment before replying with a slow nod. 

"I have yet to find out what it is, but it-" 

I cut him off by touching my lips to his in a gentle kiss. 

"Jim.." he murmurs, his eyes filling with an emotion similar to lust. 

"Spock, its Gru- Dr Konos' blood. It's poison. He said it's as bad as Strickneen, but will kill us slowly," I explain in a low shaky voice. I feel like I'm going to start crying again. 

His eyes widen a little and he moves his eyes to stare down at his hands, as if he doesn't quite believe the truth that he's alive. He opens his mouth to speak but I stop him by pushing my lips onto his in a passionate kiss. His arms slide around my waist. His lips feel soft and warm under mine. 

I stroke a single hand through his hair, feathering the tips at the ends. An almost smile appears upon both of us. My Spocky. "Love you.," I whisper into his mouth. 

He pulls me tighter against him, his lips moving against mine strongly, before pushing his tongue into my mouth. 

I nearly jump as the taste of salt water enters my mouth. He's crying. Spock. I kiss him back, feeling tears burning in my own eyes. 

But we keep kissing. His arms, latching around me as if he'll never ever let go. 

I slide mine around his neck, my fingers touching the gentle tufts of hair at the back there. His mouth tastes amazing and wonderful and so... so Spock. 

We break apart. 

His eyes flit up to my hair. "Jim.. you have blood in your hair," he remarks, reaching out to touch it. 

I close my eyes, savouring the feeling of his skin as it brushes against mine. He brings his fingers away, the remains of dusty dried blood on his fingertips. 

"I'm scared Spock.." I whisper, resting my head against his chest. 

He lies back against the wall, wrapping his arms around me before replying in a slow and quiet voice, "I am scared too, ashaya." 

I press my face into his chest. All we could've had... all be could've been. I shiver, though I'm not at all cold. I don't want to die. I don't want either of us to die. 

"It'll be ok, T'hy'la," Spock mumbles in a weak voice. 

I gaze up at him, lifting my head gently to see his lovely Vulcan face. His eyes are closed and his head tipped back, the gentle stray black hairs pressing against the wall behind. "Will it?" I reply, shivering again. 

His eyes open carefully and he asks,"Are you cold, Jim?" 

I shake my head, before resting it back down on his chest. 

He pulls me closer and I move my head up, nuzzling into his warm neck. He feels warmer than usual, something I'm too tired to be bothered about. My eyes feel too heavy and I find myself struggling to stay conscious. 

"Sleep, ashaya. I will keep you safe.." he whispers, planting a small kiss on my head. 

I snuggle closer in to him, shivering again. I don't understand it. I'm not cold. At all. "I don't want to Spock. I'm scared..." I whimper, another shiver gripping me. 

"Jim.." he mumbles, "Please sleep.." 

I shiver again, before replying,"Okay.." My eyes close... and just like that, the darkness clouds in on me, not too hard, but more than usual. It feels a little strange, but I find I'm too tired to care anymore. It tugs at me, threatening to drag me under, into a place beyond sleep. But I fight back, a little weakly. I'm not going to give up. Not yet. There's still time. There has to be. We have to escape. Spock and I need to get back to the Enterprise... it all feels so far away, belonging to another world another life other than mine. We won't die. We won't. I feel myself slipping into sleep. 

Spock.

Spock. 

His name is all I need to remember. As long as I remember him, it will all be okay. I keep my mind resting on a small fragile happiness in all of this. 

If we can't live together, at least we'll die together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write so much sad thi... um yeah so it will get better I promise. You probably hate me now lol I do too. BUT SPIRK WILL LIVE OOOOONNNNN!!! XD


	32. On The Enterprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said here's a Pov for Bones!! XD

McCoy Pov

Sitting in my office, with only the useless inanimate objects for company, I find my gaze sliding to the wastepaper bin in the corner of my room. The letter is no longer there, but the memory of it is. Most importantly, the memory of who I wrote it for. Images of him taunt me day in and day out, his eyes always seeming to follow me like a dream I can never quite catch. When I first met him he was just as jaunty, just as annoying, just as much as a little show off that he is now. I never meant to fall for him. No. I set out for more useful things in life than love. Yet here I am, pondering on the edge of despair about him. I sigh, taking another swig of brandy. Something he would usually tend to do in situations like this. I stand up and walk over to my cupboard. On the top shelf there is a framed picture of him and I in our star fleet uniform. A small smile crosses my face. He's staring directly at the person who took the picture, his eyes little closed half moons as he smiles in that adorably attractive way. 

A sudden knock on the door brings me back to reality. 

I turn around slowly and reply, with little care in my voice at all,"Come in.." 

The door bursts open and T'Paige marches in, a stern expression on her face. "Found anything on the whereabouts of Jim or Spock?" She questions, her eyes scanning the room methodically. Must be a Vulcan thing. It reminds me of Spock.. and therefore pisses me off more. 

I shake my head,"Nope," 

She sighs, then retorts in a terribly harsh voice,"Dr McCoy, do you even care?! I am aware you bare bad feelings for my brother and I as we are both Vulcan.. but surely you care about Jim? He's your friend after all!" 

It takes all of my strength not to yell back at her. "Of course I care about Jim.. and I do care about the hob goblin..." I retort, turning my gaze away from the picture regretfully. 

"Do you? Because it seems to me that you are always insulting him and calling him names such as 'hobgoblin',"she replies angrily, moving from where she stands in the doorway to the edge of my desk. 

I don't want to look at her, but I force myself to anyways. "He doesn't care, T'Paige," I reply levelly. 

Her eyes grow dark and she glares at me,"Yes he does. He cares just as much as you would. He just doesn't show it. Now, if you're just going to sit around in this room doing absolutely nothing to help them then I think you should resign your job as a doctor!" 

This one really hits home. I push away from the cupboard and return to my desk without once glancing in her direction. 

"They are still on the planet and alive. But knowing Dr Konos, as I do, they won't be alive much longer. " she informs me, folding her arms across her chest.

I glance up at her, debating for a second what to say. A part of me wants to let her in on the fact of who I am in love with. But how face will that get me? Not very. 

"If we're going to find them, Dr McCoy, we'll have to go down there and search for ourselves. Are you coming or not?" T'Paige asks, turning and heading for the door. 

I blow out a long sigh, moving away from my desk and begin to follow her. "Yes," I reply,"I'm coming,"

She smiles a little and replies,"Good. Scotty'll beam us and an away team down to the surface and we'll spilt up." She announces as we enter the transport room. 

I nod and sigh,"Better work," 

She shrugs and takes her position on the pad, ready to be beamed down. 

I push away any possible doubts and occupy the one next to her, keeping my eyes ahead. We must find them. It's not that I don't trust Spock with keeping Jim safe.. or vice versa... I just don't like them being together alone for so long. They both so clearly love each other. It's hard, knowing that the one I love will never love me back. But I have a job to do and until the time that fact becomes untrue I must not let anything stand in the way of me complete if my job. I know little about Dr Konos. What I do know is limited to looks, speech patterns and strength. I know nothing of what he's done, what he plans, who he is... anything important is left unknown for me. I'm just hoping T'Paige will be able to fill me in on at least some of the empty places. 

I look up as the rest of the away team enter, all wearing red star fleet shirts (they dead) and taking their places to be beamed down. 

"We're ready, Scotty!" T'Paige announces, looking over at where Scotty is manning the controls with a smile. 

"Aye lassie!" He replies with equal enthusiasm and I watch as he moves the switches with his hands, pressing the button which begins the strings of light around us. 

I close my eyes, thinking about what Jim would say if he were with us now. I sigh. I open my eyes and find we are down on the surface of New Vulcan. It's a little colder than before, but still much hotter than earth temperatures. 

"Dr McCoy, you come with me. You guys split up into twos and go off into separate directions. We'll search the area closest to Dr Konos' base, then spread out." T'Paige tells us, before turning to me and pointing toward the huge building we escaped from before,"Us, were going back in. Dr Konos is smart, but maybe not smart enough to move his prisoners somewhere else." 

I stare at the huge building, at the heavy metal walls. Are they in there right now? They have to be. I I have no doubt that we will find them. I just hope that we find them in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhh what do you think about Bones Pov?


	33. Loosing Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone want to have a guess who Bones is in love with?

Spock Pov

As time passes, I realise I am finding it harder to control my emotions. The very thought of Dr Konos makes me angry, and just looking at my T'hy'la in his current state causes a bout of emotions I do not recognise to flow through me. In here, time has little meaning, fluid and useless as it passes slowly between our fingertips. No matter how hard I try to grab onto it, to keep with me a single moment, it always finds away to slide free again. It's infuriating. And painful. 

Jim mumbles something inaudible next to me. 

I glance at him quickly, wincing a little as I see his terribly pale face. 

"Spock.." he murmurs,"How long have we been here?"

I move closer to him, moving my hand to brush more sweat from his forehead. "I predict we are around 3 or more days in, ashaya. But it is hard to tell," I reply, touching a gentle kiss to his warm cheek. 

Something a bit like a smile dances on his lips. "Spock.... do you think they are looking for us?" He asks, his deep blue eyes rolling slowly to gaze at me with such an intense stare that I find I can't ignore his question. 

"I hope so," I reply, sliding my hand on top of his. 

He wraps his fingers around mine, a silent movement of connection I will always love. "Spock.... what if.. what if they don't?" He questions, tilting his head a little to look up at me with the saddest look I have seen in all my time of living.

I wrap my arms around him and pull him towards me. 

He shivers, resting his head on my shoulder gently. 

"They will, Jim. They will," I reply, with more certainty than I feel. 

He shivers again. 

I hold him ever tighter to me, pressing my face into the warm skin of his neck. "You're still mine, Jim.." I murmur, trailing a line of kisses up from his neck and across his jawline. 

He smiles weakly,"Yes I am, Spocky," he replies, his arms securing around my waist. 

I kiss up his face and lick the sweat off of his forehead. It tastes sweet and warm. 

"Spock.. mmm.... what are you doing?" He mumbles, his half lidded eyes flicking up to meet mine once more. 

"Claiming you," I reply, moving in to kiss him on the neck. 

He gives a little yawn before leaning towards me and kissing my cheek, a few stray dark blonde hairs brushing against my ears. 

I shudder, a little unnerved. 

"It's too hot in here.." Jim mumbles, moving so that his head is resting on my chest just below my chin. 

I slide my fingers through his sweat spiked hair and nod in agreement,"Yes I believe it is," I wonder numbly how long we will last. Will it be painful? I'm afrai- 

I catch myself. I am a Vulcan. These human worries are beneath me. I should not be concerned by them. Yet I am. And I can tell Jim is too. That's what matters here. Him. My Jim. My T'hy'la. I need to protect him. A low growl emanates from my throat and I find myself gripping Jim closer to me. 

"Spocky, what is it?" He questions, turning his wide blue eyes on me. 

My heart feels as though it is melting. Before I can do anything another growl escapes me and I bury my face in his neck, trailing my mouth along it, marking him. 

"Ahh.. Spocky, what's wrong?" He murmurs. 

"You're mine... no one can touch you except me. MINE.." I growl, moving my mouth up to his ear and nibbling on it. 

"Spock... this isn't the time for.. mmm.." 

I slide my tongue inside his ear softly. I move across to capture his mouth in a passionate kiss. 

His beautiful eyes flicker closed. I pull him tight against me so that our crotches touch. But I hardly notice this. I just focus on the fact that I have him. He is mine. No one- NO ONE, can hurt him or touch him. Ever. 

"Spock, calm down," he mumbles quietly. 

"No," I snarl,"Jim... you're mine." 

"Yeah.. just let go you're hurting me.." he mumbles in reply. 

I jump away quickly, ashamed with my actions. Spock, you're better than this. I wipe sweat off of my forehead and turn my eyes slowly to my T'hy'la. "I am sorry Jim. I couldn't control- all I wanted to do was- protect you," I explain, feeling tears prick in my eyes. This poison is wreaking my ability to control my human side. It is infuriating.,. and scary. 

"Spocky, it's ok. I understand. I just don't feel very good, is all," he replies with a weak smile. 

Worry feeds itself through me, turning into uncontrollable fear as it tightens its grip around my chest. I lean over and press the palm of my hand to Jim's forehead. 

He closes his eyes. 

I pull it away after, replying in a voice that sounds much quieter than I had intended,"You have a fever,"

He nods slowly, then replies,"So do you. It's the poison. He said it would slowly kill us," 

I swallow hard, trying to ignore the last part of what he told me. But it's no use. I know what it's doing to us. We'll last a few more days.... tops. 

"Spock... when we get back to the Enterprise... I have something I want to tell you," My Jim announces.

I turn and look at him properly as he says this. I focus on the way his blue eyes stare hard at me, a beautiful shining colour swirling and filling his irises. I focus on the way his pale face just manages to appear brave for me. It should be the other way around, I know this. I focus on how he looks... beautiful... even like this. Even with blood matting in his hair and staining his torn and dirty clothes, even with tears shimmering in his fears stricken eyes, even with his dark rimmed eyes and sweat dotted forehead, he's still my Jim. He's still beautiful. But I can't deny what is happening. I already feel weaker. What happens if we do die? Will the Enterprise just go on as usual? Yes. It would. It is only logical, logical that no matter how many losses are suffered that the crew continue to working amiably, as if we never were. I squeeze my eyes shut as the thought seems to tear at my heart from inside. I open my eyes again once the feeling has calmed down and glance back at my Jim. 

He opens his mouth a little and a small drop of blood slicks out of the corner of his mouth, slipping down his bottom lip. 

A human emotion takes control of me. Pain. Fear. We are running out of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughy coughy * ya hate meh don't ya.


	34. Two Become One

McCoy Pov

"Come on," T'Paige instructs, beckoning for me to follow her as she darts around the edge of the large metal building. 

I give it one more glance before following after her, desperate to get to them in time. We don't even know if they are stuck in here or not, or what we'll be up against. But at this moment, with adrenaline flowing through me and an image of my friend- friends- in my mind, I don't care. Also, the general climate of New Vulcan is just as it would be for Vulcan: hot. I am more than eager to enter the building. 

T'Paige and I find ourselves outside the wide open doors that we entered into the building from only a few days ago. 

"Do you think they will be inside?" I ask, risking a quick glance in her direction. 

She doesn't even turn to look at me, preferring to keep her jaw set and eyes locked on the entrance as she replies in an unusually hostile tone,"They have to be. There's no turning back now, Dr McCoy. Take this," she hands me a phaser. "Set it to kill. He has no mercy. None of his type do." She instructs. 

I do as she says, debating weather to ask more. What exactly does she mean by 'his type'? We don't have time for this, however, so I keep my mouth shut, allowing the words to turn bitter before they can ever escape my mouth, and follow her cautiously into the building. It looks just the same, both unnerving and calming. 

We travel quickly and stealthily, already arriving at the door to the room where all the miniature planets are kept. I don't understand it. I'm guessing that both Spock and Jim do, and that is why they have been captured. Or maybe he just captures everyone he can. Will he take us too? What will he do? 

"In there. Quick!" T'Paige hisses, throwing open the door key quick enough for both of us to throw ourselves inside, pulling the door against our backs. 

Just outside, the distinct sound of footsteps begins, echoing out throughout the huge room next to us. 

I hold my breath, pressing my back against the door, praying that whoever it is decides to just walk past. I glance at T'Paige beside me. 

She looks a little less startled than me, but not much. Her eyes find mine. 

Neither of us say anything. 

The footsteps recede away and we can both breathe again. 

Moving away from the door, I mutter,"That was close," 

"Too close," She replies, proceeding on throughout the room, her eyes searching around, meeting every object and possible hidden cranny for something out of place without a moments pause. 

I sigh heavily and move to follow her, keeping my phaser out in front of me. You can never be too careful. My eyes grace over the planets, observing with pity and confusion their size. It takes a lot of effort to remember that they are real planets... and not just little trinkets of some kind. Millions of lives must dwell on each of them. What about the dead planets? Millions of lives lost. Because of him. Dr Konos. And now he's kidnapped Jim and Spock. Sarek is nowhere to be seen and worst of all, it's just the two of us in his huge world, us against him. What chance do we really have? 

"Dr McCoy, look," the sound of T'Paige's voice brings me back to the present. 

I follow her gaze and a small smile finds its way unto my lips. A door. A hidden one. This must've been where Dr Konos disappeared to when he kidnapped both Spock and Jim. 

I step towards the door, turning slowly to glance at T'Paige behind me. I step backwards closer to the door,"Are to coming or- " 

Her eyes grow wide, fixed on something behind me. "Dr, McCoy! Look out!" She exclaims. 

I turn, too late. 

The silver blurr is too quick for my eyes to catch what it is. 

The force of T'Paige's stronger Vulcan body as she crashes into me from the side sends me flying to the opposite wall. 

Hurt, if only a little bruised, and very angry I stumble to my feet and turn to are at her,"What were you-" I stop, all anger draining out of me as soon as I realise what's really happened. 

She sits up, her pale face turning so her eyes can look straight at me. She's not even afraid. 

I crouch down beside her. "What was it?" I mumble, barely able to form sentences that make any once of sense. I've seen things like this before... that's not what it is though. It would've got me if she hadn't thrown me out of the way. And I was angry at her. I shake my head in disgust of myself. 

"Some sort of... trap... he knew we would.. come.." she manages between short sharp painful breaths. 

"Stay still," I order, moving around in order to see her more. That blurry silver thing I saw was some sort of old fashioned steel weapon. Old, but incredibly sharp. And travelling at the speed it was.. it's a miracle she's still alive. Stop speculating, Leonard, get on with it. 

"H..how bad is it? I can't.. s..see.." she questions, her dark brown eyes flirting up to me. 

She looks so much like Spock. No wonder she's his sister. Thoughts of Spock gets me back thinking over the reason we are here. To save them. At the moment... we're seeming like the ones needing saving. Maybe we all do. 

I force myself to focus on th task at hand. The steel weapon has punctured where her lung must be. Dark green blood stains the area, growing in size as the seconds pass. It reminds me of the moment on Altamid when I have to yank that piece of metal from inside Spock. This situation is not dissimilar. However, we are in an increasingly dangerous environment and I have nothing around me I can use to get it out. 

"Dr McCoy," T'Paige addresses me, her voice terribly firm. 

I find I cannot ignore her. Our eyes meet she stares at me, her gaze hard and strong. But it's clear she's fighting to keep conscious. 

"Leave me here. You.. have to. I'm dying, Dr McCoy. Staying with me only increases the chance you will die too," 

Damn these Vulcans and their logic. If I knew her better, I'd bring that up. But we barely know each other, skirting on the edge of strangers and possible acquaintances. But she's Spock's sister. I can't just leave her here to die. 

"You have to!" She exclaims, her voice louder. 

My eyes dart to her chest, fully soaked in green blood, barely moving at all. She's barely breathing. 

"Damn Vulcan biology.." I mutter,"I'm not going to just let you die, T'Paige. We humans act on emotion, not logic," 

"Jim told me about that," she replies, her voice quiet and terribly fragile. 

"You and Jim talk?" I question despite myself. 

She nods slowly,"Yes. I think.. we are what you call friends.." Her eyes are closing. 

"Shit.." I mutter, thinking quickly. I grab my communicator from my pocket and snap it open, talking fast,"McCoy to Enterprise. Mr Scott, you need to beam up T'Paige now. She's fatally injured and dying. She needs to get medical care now!" A fraction of a second passes where I dread that the communications will have been cut off. 

But them Scotty replies, in a voice shaken with fear,"I'll b.. beam her up right away, Sir!" 

And that's it. I watch as the golden ropes of light tangle themselves around her body. 

Her eyes flicker and stare at me one last time before she disappears.

I stand up, shaken. I need to be more careful. That trap... there could be others. 

Now it is up to me to find Jim and Spock, get them back to the Enterprise alive, weather I'm with them or not.


	35. Dying Or Something Similar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones goes to get Spock and Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This won't make much sense. If you understand it then yay because when action is happening I tend to either slow it down too much so that barely anything happens or speed it up too much. Enjoy anyways. Don't hate me.

Kirk Pov

Being a person who's died before means I recognise the feeling. It doesn't mean I'm not afraid. I'm terrified. Going from having control over almost every part of your body... to having no control at all. No control over my heartbeat.. a crashing thundering sound in my ears. No control over my breathing, which is ragged and irregular. I know that if I tried to slow it down I might accidentally stop it forever. Sweat slicks down my face. From where I'm crouched and shaking on the hard ground I flick my eyes up to Spock, MY Spock. I bite my lip feebly in an attempt not to cry. 

"Jim.." he rasps, moving slowly and painfully closer to me. 

My limbs collapse under me and I hit the cold black ground hard. I barely notice the pain. My head is buzzing, floaty and dizzy. Hot. So hot. Like I'm melting. 

"J..Jim.. listen t..to me.." Spock manages, "I l..love y..you so m..much.." 

I watch in agony as two tears escape out of the corner of his eyes, tracing long shining tracks down his pale cheeks. 

Spock. Spock. SPOCK. 

I can't control myself. The world is a hot blurry mess. His beautiful dark eyes. 

He smiled once. 

So did I. 

I want to reach out to him. But... I can't. I'm loosing consciousness. 

In my mind, I can feel his reaching out to me. But the connection is weakening. 

"T'hy'la..." Spock's voice. 

SPOCK. 

I rest my head against his leg. I barely see his blurring figure rest down beside me. 

"Sp-ock..." I manage. My eyes close. I don't have enough energy to open them again. 

"Yes my T..T'hy'la?" Spock's voice. His voice. Will I ever hear it again? Yes. Yes of course I will. I have to. 

"I.. " I find I can't speak. My words stuck in my throat. 

"Jim." Spock sounds panicked,"P..please don't d..die.. stay s...strong for me. P...please!" 

I don't have to look at him to know he's crying. I don't have to be coherent to know I'm dying.

"Spock..." its nearly a whisper, my mouth shaping the words just as air blows out,"I'm sorry...." 

Something wet and metallic escapes from the corner of my mouth, drawing a long hot track down to my chin. 

"JIM!" Spock screams, his voice cracking as he begins to sob and cough. 

I force my eyes open a crack. I feel terribly heavy as if I am being pushed down to the floor. 

"Spock. I manage. I can only just see him, lying a little in front of me, his eyes half open, green blood soaking him. 

With all of my power I move my arm and reach out to his. 

His fingers interlock within mine. Green blood mixed with red. 

"T'hy'la.." he whispers, his eyes fluttering, struggling to stay open. 

A stab of pain sears in my chest.

I open my mouth, forming the word,"T'hy'la," My eyes close, enveloping me in the heat of blackness.

Spock Pov

I'm struggling to remain conscious. 

Jim's fingers grow limp in mine. But I can't still feel his pulse through them.. faint.. gentle. But alive. 

The sound of footsteps alerts me. 

I flick my eyes up to the glass. It's most likely Dr Konos returning to watch us die. 

Confusion consumes me as I notice the glass beginning to glow, a hot red colour. 

Beside me, Jim stops breathing. 

Tears escape my eyes and I close them tight, no longer caring what happens. 

A huge smashing sound causes me to open them again however, my vision so blurred that I'm seeing doubles. 

And I'm sure I can see Dr McCoy stepping among the shattered and melted remains of the glass, just as I loose consciousness.

McCoy Pov

I crash through the shattered and melted remains of the glass, prepared for whatever lies on the other side. 

Jim and Spock. Both unconscious. 

I rush to their sides. Both injured badly and bleeding, the red and green liquid mixing together in a pool on the ground. 

Fuck. 

I haven't any medical equipment with me. I notice with a crushing shock that Jim isn't breathing. No no! This can't be happening. I don't think anymore. I snap out my communicator and speak into it as quick as I can. 

"McCoy to Enterprise! Beam me up now! Jim and Spock are here and are dying!" 

I close my eyes. 

Mr Scott replies but I don't hear him. All I hear is the sound of the golden beams whirring around us, before all three of us appear back on the Enterprise. 

A medical team are waiting and we haul Spock and Jim to sick bay immediately. 

Jim's stopped breathing for too long. I don't know if we can save him.

Spock Pov

For once in my life I allow all of my emotions to run freely as I desperately claw onto my T'hy'la's bond as it slips from my grip, growing fainter and fainter. 

Oh Jim. You are so beautiful. 

I can hear voices around me in the blackness. 

"He's fading fast!" 

"Lost too much blood! Where is the Vulcan transfusions these days?" 

I want them all to be quiet. Jim. 

JIM. WHERE ARE YOU?! I scream in my head. 

But he doesn't answer. My mind rips in two. 

He's gone. He's gone. 

I had him and now he's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as it seems bare with me!


	36. Ellusive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, making little sense.

Kirk Pov  
You'd think that a reckless person wouldn't be afraid of dying. You'd think that if you risk your life so often, death would be only a small loss. 

It's not like that at all. 

Every part of me is being yanked down and down, weight pushing on top of me. Down and down and down. I'm unsure where I'm going. I can hear a voice calling to me. It sounds familiar... I just don't know how. Who are they? 

Can't they see I'm falling? 

Can't they see I'm dying?

Spock.

The word means nothing. I don't understand where it came from.

I can't think anymore.

I'm in so much pain. Everything is on fire, burning and screaming and dying.

And then-

Nothing.

It all dies away. 

I feel my thoughts beginning to slip away.

I think.

I think this is what it is when you die.

I can't remember my name.

Did I ever have one.

Did I have a girlfriend or boyfriend?

What were they like?

Did I have a family? Brother or sister?

Everything begins to float away.

Weightless.

I'm floating.

A name flashes in my mind.

Jim. Jim Kirk.

That's who you are.

Yes.

James T Kirk.

Captain of ... something.

I'm so tired.

I feel fuzzy. Warm.

I stop protesting. Stop trying. Stop resisting.

Slowly and gently, everything slowly folds in. 

I'm not breathing anymore.

Did I ever have to?

What I thought was blackness before was only really grey. The real blackness claws in, probing my vision. My chest burns but won't move. I can't breathe. I can't-

Spock.

I love you.

I remember you.

I'll never ever forget.

You.


	37. Never Enough Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter.. um.. yes.. will be a little slow in some parts but fast in others. Ehh hope it's okay.

Scotty Pov

As soon as I hear the news that T'Paige is injured all of my blood runs cold. Terrible images of her flash up behind my eyes. One of her dead, her once alive and beautiful deep brown eyes drained of all colour and just... empty. Adrenaline is the only thing that keeps me going. I rush in to help as the medical team hurry T'Paige to sick bay. I find out pretty quickly that I am not needed. 

So here I am, sitting on a chair by the side of T'Paige's bed, staring at her pale face. 

I don't know what to do. 

They've long since operated on her. I payed little attention as the captain and Spock were rushed in only a few minutes ago. 

I do care.. it's just... my mind is full with thoughts of T'Paige at the moment. I find my eyes tracing her face, staying on the small dip beneath her eyes where the eyelashes rest. Her breathing is deep, each deep exhalation or inhalation long and drawn out with gaps between. Her hair frames her face perfectly, laid out beside her on the pillow, trailing down into the duvet pulled up just below her shoulders. An IV- I think it's called- is attached to her hand as it lies facing palm down on the bed. I lean back a little, realising I have subconsciously leant in close to her. 

It was horrific when she was beamed aboard. Green blood leaking everywhere from places I never imagined. Her eyes fluttering open and closed in a dazed attempt to stay awake. It felt like everything was happening all at once. All I could do was follow as they hurried her here, not knowing what would happen. Looking over at her now, with all the blood cleared away, I attempt to pretend it never happened. As if I can just do that. 

"Mr Scott? You're still here?" 

I'm too focused on T'Paige to be shocked when the nurse speaks. I don't know how long she's been standing behind me, nor do I care. I turn my head and stare at her dully, saying nothing. 

She blinks, shifting awkwardly on her feet and messing with her white medical uniform. 

"Why are you still here, lassie?" I say bitterly, turning my gaze back to T'Paige's unconscious form. 

"You know she won't wake up for at least two days, right?" The nurse informs be from behind. 

I have never felt such anger before. I roll my eyes back over to her,"Then, that is how long I'll be staying," I know it's not her fault. She can't possibly be of any fault. But still. I find myself needing to take my pain out on someone. 

For a seconds pause, I think she's about to say something in reply, but she just lets out a long sigh before exiting the room quietly. 

It's too quiet in here. With all the action going on in the room next door, the only things I can hear are muffled shouts that sound vaguely like commands.. or names. I look back at T'Paige, biting my lip. 

I've never cried over a girl in my life. But then... T'Paige isn't just some girl. 

She's a Vulcan, but she's brave.. great at fighting and tactics... engineering too, much to my delight... and she's always giving me that beautiful smile that sends me higher than I've ever been just with one glimpse. I realise with shock that I'm crying. I wipe the tears away quickly. If I had been with her, maybe she wouldn't have been hurt. 

Why didn't I go with her? 

I don't know, I think bitterly. I don't know why I made such a huge mistake. I wanted to go with her.... so why didn't I? I lean closer to her bed, reaching my hand out tentatively to brush a stray hair from her face. 

Even now, trapped in an unconscious state in a hospital bed, she still looks just as stunning as the first day I met her.

McCoy Pov

Everything is happening in a rush. There's no time to feel sad, or scared, or alarmed. There's only time for- 

"Quick!" Someone yells. 

I find myself tuned into every movement, every word spoken, commanded or yelled by every person in the room. 

Spock and Jim. 

"Give me a hypo!" I demand, just as one is thrust in my hand by a doctor with short tufty blonde hair who I don't know the name of. Without even registering my movement, I find myself by Jim's side. My eyes are drawn to his face. 

He's breathing again, thank god, but I can tell he won't be very soon if we don't do something. His face is as pale as paper and his eyes are rolled back in his head. 

I take his arm in my hand, rolling down the blood stained sleeve to expose the skin. I stab the hypo in, depressing in fully. 

Jim is too gone to register the pain. 

I remember how every time I stabbed him with one he'd jump and yelp,"Owch! That hurt!" 

I wish he'd do that now. 

Part of me deep inside aches. 

I throw the empty hypo away quickly and move to the other side of him, taking an oxygen mask from the stand beside his bed and quickly turning it on using the machine below. I lean over Jim carefully, placing the oxygen mask against his mouth. 

He's breathing so shallowly am far between. What if he doesn't make it? I don't know what I'll do. There's no time to focus on that now. 

Another nameless doctor appears beside me with a hypospray. 

I nod and move on to help Spock. Out if the corner of my eye, I see the doctor and a few others fighting desperately to keep Jim's wound sealed. He's already lost so much blood. 

I turn my attention to the Vulcan in front of me. Unlike Jim, he's not fully unconscious. He dips in and out of consciousness, his eyes focusing and defocusing before closing again. 

A nurse on the other side of the bed replaces the cold cloth on his forehead. 

I take out another hypo, moving gently to take Spock's arm in my hand. 

His eyes flicker open, focusing on me for a second. 

I've never seen Spock so vulnerable. 

I stab the hypo in his arm, smoothing the spot down after in a hurry. 

There's never enough time. 

"His wound won't seal!" Exclaims the doc closest to me. 

I move in, examining the wound quickly. It seems to be a less lethal cut that has been left untreated and snagged on something- possibly in the journey up. Green blood continues pouring out. None of the modern stuff is working. If Dr Konos did this, then there is a possibility he made it this way on purpose. 

I blow out a long breath, passing my hand through my hair. I don't know what to do. It's all good to joke and laugh about the hobgoblin, but when he's lying bleeding out in front of me the jokes no longer seem funny at all. In fact... I find I'm regretting insulting him in the past. He's dying right now, vulnerable and open to me. I must do my best to save him. 

An idea pops into my head. Basic science and medicine combines. If I can cauterise the wound, that'll at least keep it closed long enough to do the rest and bandage it up. Yes. That could work. 

"Get me something metal and scorching hot. It's a last resort!" I demand, barely lifting my head to acknowledge whether they do so or not. My eyes find Jim again, surrounded by nurses and doctors on the bed adjacent. 

Hell. 

He's always getting himself killed in one way or another. I want so badly to go over there, push the medical team away, and kiss him. But I know deep down that I can't. 

A second later i find the hot metal cauteriser pushed into my hands. I turn quickly back to Spock and prepare to get at the wound. My eyes dart up to his face again. 

"Stay strong, buddy. It'll hurt a bit," I mumble, lifting the cauteriser in the ready position. I can't remember ever calling Spock 'buddy'. His eyes flicker open once more, fixing themselves on me before rolling back in his head. 

There's no more time. 

I push the cauteriser to the wound. I've done this before. His scream is just as loud as he slips into a deep sleep. I take the metal thing away, half relieved, half disgusted. I hate using old medical stuff. It just doesn't seem right. 

It takes around 10 minutes to fully seal the wound and bandage it up. But for now, in the way things are, I think he's gonna live. 

I return back over to Jim. They've finally got his wound sealed too. The expression on Jim's face is still one of severe pain, however, though I am unsure as to where it is coming from. 

I take out another hypo and stab it into his arm. Painkiller. Extremely strong. After a few seconds, his face relaxes. I breathe out a breath of relief. 

I think they may live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that doctors medical stuff? No idea what I'm talking about. It's probably crap lol.


	38. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones is in love with Jim. Oof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to update as often as possible but as of the next week and a half I have the dreaded exams DX But I'll try ma best ➖〰➖

McCoy Pov

I've always hated waiting. The possibility of the bad and good looming over you, never certain which it will be until it happens. It's agonising. No matter what other thing I have to attend to, I always find myself seated beside Jim's bed every night. It's been a week since him and Spock were found. 

Spock slips in and out of consciousness, but none of the times he's awake is he coherent. He just stares at me with big brown eyes with huge pupils and says nothing before passing out again. 

Jim, on the other hand, has only woken up once. It was a few days ago. He could barely keep his eyes open and it was clear he was in severe pain. I had to sedate him. He hasn't woken up again since. 

Scotty stays by T'Paige's side. I predict she's in a coma, but its confusingly hard to tell. She hasn't woken up at all since she arrived here, 8 days ago. 

I sigh, turning my gaze from the wall to Jim again, his beautiful dark blonde head resting delicately on the pillows. A thousand different emotions battle out inside of me. He's with Spock, I know this. It hurts more and more every day. Every second I realise again and again that no matter how badly I want to have him... I can't. He's not mine. He will never see me in any way more than a friend. Sometimes I hate being human. I sigh, passing a hand down my face. My eyes travel over Jim's soft lips, gently parted as he breathes in and out deeply and slowly. Surely no one would notice if I stood up, bend over and touched an innocent kiss to those deliciously kissable lips. My eyes dart to Spock's bed. 

He's unconscious, lying in nearly the same position as Jim, though he looks slightly more relaxed. 

I glance back at Jim again, unsure about what to do. I hate being unsure. I want so desperately to kiss him. This may be the only chance I will ever have. Desire wins out in the end and I push myself from the chair, finding my feet on the shiny white floor. I step over to his bedside, so that I'm touching the edge of the mattress carefully. He looks beautiful... and vulnerable. 

There are a few signs you get that indicate you're in too deep. This is one of them. The fact that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop finding myself with James T Kirk. I bend down over his body, my eyes sliding over his face. I reach a hand out and brush a bit of hair from his face. Then I close my eyes and touch my lips to his. Gentle. Soft. I want more, so much more. But I know I have to stop. His lips are soft and warm under mine. I can feel the warm tickle of his breath on my face. I pull away, blushing. Yet... I can't seem to stop gazing down at him. His eyebrows are furrowed and he twitches a little. Then nothing. 

I stand up, moving away from him, feeling a little embarrassed. 

"Dr McCoy," 

I jump, turning around so fast it makes me dizzy. "Carol Marcus," I reply, not too disdainfully. It wasn't so long ago we were down on that planet trying to pop open a torpedo together. I nearly died. There is nothing else I have to say to her now though. 

She enters the room, somewhat tentatively. "How is he?" She questions, her gaze falling upon Jim. 

"He's doing better than when I brought him here." I reply. 

She nods, still not diverting her gaze. "Do you know when he'll be waking up?" She asks, moving closer to the bed and tracing her finger slowly across the duvet. 

I find my eyes following her finger as its lips under the cover a little. "He woke up a few days ago in so much pain he couldn't talk. I think it's wise to keep him heavily sedated for a bit," I reply, my eyes narrowing as her hand goes deeper into the covers. 

She suddenly stops, a little smile playing on her lips. 

I'm too angry to talk so I turn away, feeling defeated. 

"You know, Leonard, it's a shame he's with the Vulcan isn't it?" 

I blatantly ignore her question, silently praying she wasn't in the room when I kissed my own sedated captain who's already in a relationship with the person on the bed beside. 

"You shouldn't ignore my question, Leonard. We both want the same thing," she purrs, her voice feral, spicy, a terribly dangerous thing. 

I turn around slowly, eyeing where she's pulled the covers back and is tracing her hand down Jim's naked leg. Something inside of me buts at the image. "What is that then, that he both want?" I demand, forcing myself not to fold my arms. I would look too angry then. I have to at least try to be calm. Or to look calm. 

She smiles wider, showing her pearly white teeth between her lips. "The captain," she remarks, turning her head to stare at him lustfully. 

My eyes seem to be riveted to her hand on his leg. It slides up further, uncovering more of the bed as she does. The beginning of Jim's boxer pant is visible now. 

I walk around to the other side of the bed and tap her on the shoulder insistently. "Carol Marcus, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Touching a sedated person in these circumstances counts as assault in the medical terms," I explain. 

She pulls her hands away, her gaze icy on me. She turns to go, a blast of anger filling her voice as she says,"You shouldn't be such a hypocrite, Leonard. You were the one who just kissed him," Then she leaves, leaving me in a state of confusion, anger, and just more waiting. 

This is why I swore never to fall in love again. It always ends up hurting so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Efefefefefef. Yeah. Was it ok?


	39. Always Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agagag I'm not gonna say nothing.

Scotty Pov

It's been 10 days. Nothing. Despite that I stay by her bed day after day, waiting, watching, remaining. I'll be damned the day I leave her side. Nothing much has changed since yesterday, and likewise the day before. I'm starting to get used to a quick cold breakfast lunch and dinner in the white walls of sick bay. 

I look up as Dr McCoy enters the room, looking as though he hasn't slept in a week. He's just as bad as me, though he has work to do on top of it. As I stay by T'Paige's bed, he stays by Jim's. Neither of us say anything about it to one another. We're not on that level yet. We just acknowledge each other and continue what we have to do. 

I don't want to admit that I'm scared. I'm scared that T'Paige will never wake up, and I'll have to stare at her closed eyes forever... never hearing her voice again.

I shake myself. That won't happen. It won't. Dr McCoy is skilled with his work and T'Paige is strong. She will wake up. I just need to give her time. 

I observe silently as Dr McCoy checks her over and stabs a hypo into her arm. I look away quickly. I miss her. I miss talking to her everyday. I miss her helping out down in engineering in her free time just because she can. I miss her smile. I miss her voice. I miss the light in he beautiful dark eyes when she laughs. I miss seeing her eyes open. I miss her. I miss her so much. 

"You should get more sleep, Mr Scott," 

I jolt a little at hearing Dr McCoy's voice. He's looking over at me from where he's standing by the bed, disposing of the remains of the hypo. He looks just about as exhausted as I feel. 

I sigh quietly, before replying,"So should you," 

He sighs too, looking away.

Neither of us voices it. To do that would be some sort of commitment neither of us are ready to take just yet. 

I watch as he leaves the room in silence. My eyes fall once again on T'Paige. She looks peaceful, like she just fell asleep there and may wake up at any moment. Just like she lay down on a lily and took a rest for a bit. 

I close my eyes. I miss her, even though she's right beside me.

McCoy Pov

11 days and little improvement. Every second I'm not working or shoving what little food I have time for down my throat I'm beside his bed. It's become a habit I can't seem to get out of. Get up, check on Jim and Spock, do some work in my office or help some careless crew member who's managed to break their thumb again, sit by Jim for an hour or two or three. Have some sort of lunch or dinner, depending on the time, check on T'Paige, fall asleep in the chair beside Jim. I desperately want to wake him, though I know that if I did he'd be in excruciating pain. 

Nothing seems to have changed. 

I sigh. 

"JIM!" 

I jump, nearly flying off of the chair. After a second I realise it's Spock. He's awake. And coherent. I jump up and rush over to him, immediately scanning him. 

He stares up at me, mouth open, breathing heavily. "Dr.. McCoy! Where's Jim?!" He demands, panting. 

I point to Jim, lying on the bed just a few metres away. 

He snaps his head around, staring with wide eyes. "He was s..so close to death.." Spock mumbles. 

Yes. He was. Jim nearly died. If we'd done things differently or brought him here later, he might be dead right now. The thought of his big blue eyes never opening again, of never being able to hear his voice again, never being able to patch up that cute little bastard's ass up for him all the time, it hurts. It hurts more than I'd ever admit. 

"Dr.. McCoy, " Spock begins, his voice raspy and strained. 

I turn my attention back to him. 

"Painkiller," he mumbles, wincing,"Can't control the pain anymore..." His face his pale and I notice the way his fists are digging into the sheets. 

Okay. Painkiller it is then. 

I prepare the hypo quickly and efficiently, trying not to think about Jim. But how can I not think about him? I'm in love with my best friend and my captain. What is wrong with me? I wish I'd told him before the hobgoblin got in there before me. 

A groan from beside me reminds me of what I'm supposed to be doing. 

I turn back to face him with the hypo in hand. 

He watches me, biting his lip in a very human way. 

God, I wish Jim were awake. 

I move his sleep up his arm gently before stabbing the hypo into his skin. Once I've depressed it fully I take it out and dispose of it. 

Spock closes his eyes and rests his head back on the pillow, breathing irregularly. I watch him carefully for a few minutes until his breathing slows down and he passes out again. 

I move away from him, turning my attention on Jim again. 

He's squirming, his head rolling from side to side as he mutters words that sound a lot like..... Vulcan? I can't be hearing him correctly. Does he even know Vulcan? 

I move quickly to his side, bringing up the tricorder (it's called that right) and scanning him. "Jim," I whisper, sighing. 

He groans, mumbling something incomprehensible. 

I lean over him and touch a small kiss to his warm forehead. 

His lips part in a little pant. 

I can't help smiling just a little bit. He looks even more attractive and adorable in this way. Cute, but desperately vulnerable. 

He begins to squirm further, his breathing becoming panting. His eyes flicker open for a millisecond then close again. I can't get the sight of that beautiful blue shade out of my head. 

I take out another hypo, irritated beyond belief. Just as his eyes flicker open again and he lets out a little cry of pain, I stab him with the hypo, knocking him back into a deep sleep. 

God, sometimes I hate what I know I must do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nininininninini yeah.


	40. Mind Messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while updating. Anyways I will try to do more chapters soon. So agagagag yeah

Kirk Pov

The first thing I realise about a T'hy'la bond is that we are connected in more ways than are imaginable. For example, not that long ago I was literally dying and I thought there was no hope, that Gruff had won, that I would no longer be James T Kirk the captain of the USS Enterprise. But I am... at least, from what I can tell. Things got worse, then they got better. Because Spock found me in our minds. Right now, I love our bond. It's amazing how Vulcans can have this deep telepathic connection to their T'hy'las. As a result, I'm beginning to know a few Vulcan words just through Spock's thoughts, which he keeps open to me as I keep mine open to him. We are currently sitting under one of the very few trees on a place that Spock calls home- Vulcan. The real planet Vulcan, not just some bit of rock that Gruff has ruined. Spock has kept his planet and mother alive in his mind. It's beautiful and sad, if you think about it. 

Spock had asked is I wanted to go into my mind more and be back in Iowa. I'd said no. I'm far more interested in Vulcan, and the place Spock grew up in than I am in a place that only holds bad memories and nightmares for me. There's nothing for me back in Iowa. All I need is right here. I can already feel the presence of Spock's mind next to me, nestling against me. 

I smile. We don't exactly speak here since it's more thinking to one another, as we are technically in each other's minds. "How is this possible?" I ask. 

"We have a T'hy'la bond, Jim. Even though we have not mind melded yet we still have one of the strongest connections a Vulcan can have." He replies. I can sense his amusement at the topic, but also the grand seriousness of what this means. Yes, he has very strong emotions, as strong as mine, as any humans, but only I can see them. He's trusting me, I realise. 

"Where are we, our bodies, I mean?" I ask,"Every time I try to wake up I fall back asleep again a second later. I hate it," 

"Ashaya, Dr McCoy had to give you a hypo. You were in pain," Spock replies, a slightly sad tone in his voice. 

I glance around at the orangey brown rock, my eyes finding the calming and orangey yellow sky. "Was I? I can't remember." I reply, then sigh, feeling terribly irritated,"I want to wake up. I want to be able to touch you in real life, Spock," I tell him. 

"As do I, ashaya," he answers. For the first time in ... well.. ever, I notice something terribly raw and primal in his tone. "I believe I want you Jim," Spock thinks up. 

"Good, since I want you too," I answer, my thoughts to him turning into growls. 

"Jiiiiiim," he replies, giving a long sigh,"Dr McCoy doesn't even know about the poison. That's probably why we're being kept unconscious, as we are in pain when we wake up and he does not understand why," 

"That makes sense. Are we going to find a way to tell him?" I ask. 

"Most unquestionably," Spock replies, a radiant smile in his voice that gets me feeling giddy. 

Fucking hell, I'm not even awake and he manages to elicit a sexual response from me. It's infuriating, as I can't touch him, only his mind. 

"Jim, I think I'm waking up," Spock thinks to me. 

"Oh," I reply, angry that I am not waking up too,"Make sure you tell Bones what you need to," 

"I will try Jim," is the only reply I get before all his thoughts turn to guarded ones and pain filled winces. But it's only in his head.

McCoy Pov

I jolt awake in the chair beside Jim's bed, breathing a little quickly. However, as I glance around the room, I can't seem to locate or find out what has awoken me. Jim is still unconscious, sadly. 

"Dr McCoy?" I jump, spinning around quickly. Spock. He's siting up in bed, his dark brown Vulcan eyes on me. 

I don't know what to say. "Spock... you're awake?" I begin, manoeuvring myself to the side of his bed. "Are you in any pain?" I question, realising that was probably the first thing I should've said. 

He nods slowly,"Y..yes.. but.. I must tell you something Dr M..McCoy.." 

I raise an eyebrow. I'm still getting used to this Spock, the vulnerable little Vulcan who is doing a pretty good job of talking through severe pain. "Of course.. uh, Spock. Fire away," 

"I assure you I will not be firing anything," Spock answers. So it's clear his Spockness is still here. 

I sigh,"Just tell me," 

He blows out a long breath. "We.. uh.. Dr konos-" 

However, as soon as Spock begins speaking he is interrupted by the voice of Jim on the other side of me, mumbling something in his sleep that makes no sense to me at all. 

"Ri tor stau.. ri tor... ri tor nem-tor. Korsau etek. Gisam. Gisam. Gisam fi' etek. Gisam... Etek bolau bohrau. Gol'nev!" He rolls over, his eyes screwed up tight. 

"Vulcan. He knows how to speak Vulcan," Spock says next to me. I am sure I recognise a note of pride in his tone. 

I turn back to Spock,"What did he say?" I question. 

"He said poi- " Spock cuts off, his whole face growing white. 

"Spock?!" I exclaim, realising what's happened. Without thinking, without feeling, whiteout delay or without anything, I grab a hypo and stab it into his arm. 

"I aitlu t'nash-veh T'hy'la... Jim..." he murmurs before passing out. 

I sigh, quickly disposing of the remains of the hypo. What was Jim saying? Will I ever know? I stand up properly, wiping my hands on my shirt. Sometime I really hate this job. I walk over and take my seat again next to Jim. Watching his relaxed sleeping face helps me get to sleep again once more.


	41. Misinterpretation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones still loves Jim. Carol gets hansy.

McCoy Pov

So far there has been no progress with Jim, Spock or T'Paige. T'Paige is still in a coma, and Jim and Spock are not getting any better. I don't know what to do, which is a first for a medical situation like this. I asked Uhura in her spare time if she could try to find out what Jim said. I recited it as best as I could, but I'm pretty sure I got a few of the words wrong. I hate it. How come Jim, my best friend Jim, my crush Jim, is able to speak Vulcan? It's the hobgoblin's fault, I'd bet on it. Scotty is still refusing to leave T'Paige's side, which is just great. I can't really say anything though, as I barely leave Jim's unless it's important work business. The standard of the ship is decreasing steadily since both Captain and First Officer are incapacitated. I hate the unknown. The fact that they are both in pain, both unable to wake up, and I don't even know why. I've checked them again and again and again, but nothing seems to be severely wrong. They shouldn't be in this much pain. Where's it all coming from? I hate Dr Konos for doing this to them, I hate the medical equipment for not being able to show anything, and I hate myself for just letting it all happen. I miss Jim's voice. I miss his smile. I sigh. I'm a doctor. I need to forget all this personal shit at least for a while and do my job, because if I don't, I'll just hate myself more later. 

"Dr McCoy!" I jump as the voice of Uhura calls from the other side of the room. 

How did she even get in here? I never saw her. 

I stand up, scratching the back of my neck quickly, before bringing my hand to my side and walking briskly over towards her. 

She gives me a concerned look, her arms folded across her chest. 

"What's wrong?" I question, unsure how to go about asking her anything. 

"I've translated what Jim said. It's not good. He and Spock have been poisoned badly. It is the poison which is causing them so much pain." She explains, a little sigh escaping her lips. 

"I'll run some scans," I reply,"I'll find out what that poison is and I'll fix it." I say determinedly. 

She gives me a sympathetic look. "Be careful, Leonard," she answers, before turning and walking out of the sick bay. 

I keep looking after her a long while after she left. Sighing, I turn back to Jim and Spock, and ready the medical equipment for scanning them. Throughout the scan, I keep my eyes riveted on Jim, willing his to open and not be full of pain. But nothing happens. He and Spock continue to sleep without moving at all.

Carol Marcus Pov

I wait until Leonard leaves the room before I stride in, immediately placing myself on the edge of Jim's bed. 

He looks even more enticing now than he did when I kissed him on the bridge. 

I want to kiss him again. 

I find my hands sliding under his blankets and reaching out to his warm leg. It feels soft under my touch. I glance at the door quickly. It's closed-not locked- but no one is outside or inside so it is fine. I lie down on Jim's bed next to him, tangling my legs with his. I glance at the door again. I wish I could do this when he's not sedated in sick bay. But at the moment this is the best opportunity I have. 

He moves a little in his sleep, mumbling something incomprehensible. 

I find myself blushing. Is it so wrong for little ol me to be in love with my captain? I use my arms to caress his sides and slide them under his ass, giving it a gentle squeeze, bearing in mind I may never get the chance to do this again. As long as no one comes in I'm fine. And as long as neither Spock nor Jim wake up. 

I continue squeezing his ass until he makes a little moaning noise in his sleep. 

I smile. No matter what he does he always seems to turn me on. "Oh Jim," I whisper,"Why can't you love me?" 

"Spock.." he mumbles, rolling away from me. 

Anger flares up inside of me. I hate Spock. I hate him so much for stealing Jim. I could have him all to myself right now but no, Spock has so come and fuck it all up. I move my hands to Jim's crotch and slip them into his pants. 

"Ah!" He jolts awake, sitting up almost immediately. 

I retract my hand, blushing hard, but I don't dare leave the bed. I want him to know I want him. "Jim," I purr,"You're awake.." 

He groans, squeezing his eyes shut,"Owww.." 

I sigh. I forgot he was in pain. I want to be able to help him but I don't know how. 

"Dr Marcus!" 

I nearly spring out if the bed when I hear the voice of Leonard McCoy from the door. I slide myself from Jim and step back, embarrassed and angry at the same time. 

Leonard just glares at me and stomps over to where Jim is lying, trembling and whimpering. 

"Bones.. it hurts.." he whines. 

"I know darlin I know," Leonard replies, reaching out to rub soothing circles on his hand while he silently jabs a hypo into Jim's shoulder. 

It takes me aback how Leonard talks to him. I know they are close friends, but I also know that Leonard wants them to be more than that. We are in the same boat. I see no reason why we shouldn't work together. 

Jim passes out again and Leonard turns around with a glare that could kill galaxies. 

I give him a hesitant smile and quickly dash out of the room.


	42. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock finally wake up XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for going so long without updating. I'm doing two stories at the moment but I have really good ideas for this one's 40 or so more chapters. Buckle up! That is... if you're still here.. XD

McCoy Pov

It took a while, a bit of blood testing, researching, and many failed attempts, but I finally have something that should work on both Spock and Jim to counteract the poison they've been subjected to. Just in case something goes wrong, I asked Nurse Chapel to stay by the door with two hypos loaded with sedative. I hope we're not going to need to use them. I want to see Jim awake... and Spock too. 

After preparing my two hypos I enter the room, Nurse Chapel right behind me. 

As she stays by the door, I walk over to where both Jim and Spock are lying in their beds, eyes closed like little half moons and breathing deeply. I walk to Jim's side, slide up his sleeve, and stab the hypo into his arm. The light blue liquid leaves the hypo and enters his veins. I take out the hypo again and dispose of it, sliding Jim's sleeve back down over his arm again. 

I want to do so much more... 

I force myself to concentrate, leaving Jim's side and going to Spock's. I repeat the action and dispose of the hypo after. I give a glance in Nurse Chapel's way just to make sure that she's ready if she has to use that sedative. The mixtures we created to counteract the poison have added stimulant to them, so Jim and Spock should be waking up soon. 

"Spock..." Jim whines, reaching his arm out and groping the air, his eyes still closed. 

I glance over at Spock, who's doing the same but calling Jim's name. 

It hurts, you know? I know that Jim isn't mine to want, but it doesn't stop me from wanting him. 

"Spock.." he whines again. 

I sigh, very quietly. 

"Dr McCoy, perhaps you should move their beds closer.." 

I turn to stare at Nurse Chapel. 

She shrugs. 

I sigh, give her a nod, and proceed over to Spock's bed. 

He's desperately stretching his arms out into the thin air, trying to reach Jim. Despite finding it cute, it also seriously pisses me off. It's more proof of how perfect for each other those two are. 

Somewhere along the line, I made some deadly mistake, because I've lost what little leverage I had in the love department. 

I get on the other side of Spock's bed and start pushing it over to Jim's. Goddammit, I'm not cut out for this. Bringing them closer together... it's necessary, but I hate it. I slot Spock's bed in next to Jim's. 

Immediately, their arms reach out and their hands touch. 

A cute little smile appears on Jim's face. 

Spock can make him happy by holding his hand. I don't have a chance. I wish I knew how to be like Spock. I'm being selfish, I know. It's hard, you know? It's hard when you want something you know you cannot have. 

I realise I've been out of it for a few minutes as the voice of Jim says,"Bones?" 

He's awake, attempting to sit up in bed, his blue eyes wide on me. 

"Jim... you're.. how do you feel?" I ask him, moving to the front of his bed. 

He just continues to stare at me, his eyes wide. 

I glance next to him at Spock. 

He's awake too, already sitting up. His dark eyes are on me too, something unreadable behind his brown irises. 

I can't help staring at them, the way they look right now... Jim especially. He's half sitting up half lying down, as if he can't decide which he wants to do. His hair is sticking up in different directions and his fingers are tightly interlocked with Spock's. 

Spock is sitting up, even his hair vaguely messy. "Dr, how long have we been out?" He questions. 

"Three weeks," I reply, glancing back at Jim again. I suddenly feel really self conscious. I feel like I'm intruding. Dammit, I'm the doctor! I have to be here. 

Spock makes a move to stand up but I push him back down into the sitting position. He stares up at me with a look of mild surprise on his face. How much money I would give to see that in any other time than this....? But not now. This is not a time for jokes. 

"You need rest, both of you. I don't know how effective the mixture I gave you two is. It's supposed to counteract the poison... but it could have side effects," I explain, appealing to Spock's logical side. If Spock is convinced to stay here, Jim will be too. They won't want to leave each other's sides. 

I watch as Jim sits up properly, rubbing his head with his left hand. 

Spock turns to him. 

I am no longer needed. This is a work thing. They have it all fine without me. 

"If you need anything, scream," I tell them, before leaving and gesturing for Nurse Chapel to follow suit. 

She does. It annoys me how so many of us are in love with one of two people. Carol Marcus, me, Uhura.. It's like the whole bridge is just pegged out on those two. 

Oh, the irony....

Kirk Pov

I can't believe we've been out for three entire weeks. It sure didn't feel that long. I guess time goes differently when you're in an induced coma. 

I turn to Spock, sitting next to me in the bed. It looks like both of our beds have been brought together. The thought makes me grin. 

"Jim.." Spock whispers, moving closer to me. 

I gaze at him. His wide dark brown eyes, fixed on me. I give a little smirk when I notice that his hair is messed up. 

"Jim," he growls, wrapping his arms tightly around me possessively. His hand grazes what seems to be a bandaged up wound on my side. 

I wince. 

"T'hy'la.." he purrs, moving his hand from the sensitive spot. 

I grin,"I love you too, Spock," 

"I thought I had lost you, ashaya. You stopped breathing.. you.." he nuzzles into my neck, his arms winding even tighter around me. 

I blush, hugging him back. 

Spock can be so cuddly sometimes. I love him. My cuddly Vulcan.


	43. After Effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is fully naked and Jim is lying next to him, his still covered ass in the air, a huge grin on his face. 
> 
> "You should give us your maracasssssss... come onnnn Boneeeesss.." he whines, pouting at me. 
> 
> I just shake my head,"Jim, what the hell?"

McCoy Pov

A day in and Jim and Spock seem to be doing fine, except for the fact that they're both acting as if they're a little tipsy.... or maybe more than a little. 

Jim keeps taking off his shirt and standing up on the bed, using the shirt as a fan on Spock who is lying down on the bed, his pants off and naked ass in the air, with his shirt hanging loosely around his chest. 

I sigh, shaking my head. This is going to be a time to remember, I bet that. The only reason I'm staying here is because I have to as the doctor... and there is something terribly satisfying about seeing Jim's chest. It twists me up inside and gets me a little hard, especially the way he's wiggling his ass around in them tight pants of his. I never thought I'd see the day when Spock does something so illogical as this. The after effects of the mixture I gave them is very.. well... as Spock would say... interesting. 

"Boooooones... look at meee!" Jim exclaims, twirling around in a circle and sitting down on top of Spock. 

The Vulcan bastard makes a little grunting noise and then Jim has to start humping him. 

"Jiiiiim!" Spock croons,"I like your maracas.." 

"Shut up, Spocky. No you don't. My maracas gonna get up your ass.." he retorts, digging his crotch into Spock's ass. 

I turn away at this point, blushing a ton and terribly hard and equally grossed out over this whole thing. What the hell are they going on about? What the hell are Jim's maracas? 

"Bones loooooook!" Jim yells. 

"Be quiet, Jim," I order, turning back to face them with a moderately composed expression. 

Spock is fully naked and Jim is lying next to him, his still covered ass in the air, a huge grin on his face. 

"You should give us your maracasssssss... come onnnn Boneeeesss.." he whines, pouting at me. 

I just shake my head,"Jim, what the hell?" 

"Be quiet, Leonard McCoy," Spock pipes up, his face flushed a light green colour,"I won't allow you to insult Jim's maracas.." 

"Spocky it's fine. We were talking about his not mine," Jim says, turning to Spock with a cute little grin on his face. 

I notice how tousled Spock's hair is. Wow. This is such a rare opportunity I must get pictures to show them later. I comm Nurse Chapel to bring something to record this oh so great moment on. 

"Oh my fricking.... Bones! Bones! Loooook!" Jim screams, jolting up in bed, his eyes wide and staring at something behind me. 

Spock jumps up with equal fear, his hand tightening around Jim's. 

I stand up from the chair I am reclining in and turn around to face whatever they seem to be scared of. 

Nurse Chapel is standing in the doorway. 

I can't help but burst out laughing. 

"No, Bones. She doesn't have any maracas. None! " Jim exclaims, curling in closer to Spock. 

I find I can't stop laughing, doubling over and trying my best not to sound like an old wheezing sack who can barely breathe. It fails terribly though. "Oh god you two are hilarious!" I exclaim, giving them a smirk. 

Spock, to his credit, looks slightly put off. 

Jim, however, just stands up on the bed and yells at the top of his voice,"AHHHHH SHE HAS NO MARACASSSS! BONES! STAR FLEET! YOU HOLY HOLY MARACAS SAVE US! NO ONE WILL TAKE USSS!!" 

"Jim, be quiet!" I exclaim. 

At this point, however, Scotty enters, pushing his way past Nurse Chapel. "Wha the devil is goin on here? Cannae yer keep the noise down?" He protests, before turning and staring at Spock and Jim. 

They're both standing up on the beds now. 

I face palm. Oh god, what did I ever do to deserve this? 

"Don't touch my maracas!" Jim yells, eyeing Scotty suspiciously. 

"I dunnae know what yer talkin about, Captain. But I am glad to see you awake," Scotty replies in a moderately dignified tone. 

I walk up to their beds and reach my hand out to touch Jim's. "Jim, get down," I tell him. 

He pulls his arm away as if burned and stares at he incredulously, his eyes wide as saucers. "Don't touch me!" He shouts, stepping back into Spock. 

Spock hugs him tight and kisses his neck like he doesn't care who's watching. 

It causes a slow sick feeling to grow in the pit of my stomach. I know they're together, but I hate seeing the proof of it right in front of my very eyes. 

"Jim.." I sigh, shaking my head again. This is growing tiresome. I know they cannot help it, but come on, seriously? 

"Do not talk to my Jim, Leonard McCoy," Spock orders in a highly commanding tone. 

I raise an eyebrow at him,"Eh, right," 

"Bones go wayyyyy..." Jim whines, sitting back down again,"You make my head sore and you don't give us your maracas.." he mumbles. 

"I agree with Jim.." Spock relies, his voice not far off the childish and tired tone of Jim's. 

"Boooones... get these people wayyy.." Jim whines, pressing his hands up to his head. 

"Jim.." Spock whispers, pulling him to rest on top of him. 

I sigh, rolling my eyes. I have a feeling that until the effects wear off, they're going to be inconsolable and crazy. 

"You... you... stop it Jeff.." Jim mumbles into Spock's chest. 

I turn away from both of them and head back to my chair, already dreading what I know is to come. I really don't understand what they mean by maracas. I rub my eyes with my fists. I can't remember the last time I closed my eyes for longer than a few seconds. I know as a doctor I should be more aware of things like sleep and stuff, but I've been so preoccupied with taking care of Jum and Spock, adding all of the generally sick bay work, I just don't seem to find time.

"Bones?" Jim perks up. 

I glance over at both of them, half naked and messily strewn across each other. "Yeah, Jim?" I ask, finding a certain affection in saying his name.

"I want maracas.." Jim mumbles. 

I sigh. 

God help me.


	44. Fight Over Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's mine!" Bones yells. 
> 
> "MINE!" Spock snarls, ripping me from Bones' hold.

McCoy Pov

To say that Scotty and I are friends would be an over-exaggeration. We're... I'm not sure what we are really. We used to barely talk, with only simple acknowledgments sent to each other every once in a while. Having the people we hold closest in danger has brought us together. I enter T'Paige's room, sighing quietly as I find no change at all. She's still deep in her coma, and Scotty is still by her side. The situation makes me deathly solemn, despite the craziness going on next door. 

"Any change?" I question, though I already know what the answer will be. 

Scotty shakes his head, his lips parting for a second, as if he's thinking of saying something, before they close again. 

I glance at T'Paige, feeling angry at myself. I wish I knew how to wake her up again. I wish I knew how to do so much, but I don't. I can't change that. I hate it, despite that fact. I'm not perfect and logical like Spock, or any other damn Vulcan. 

No wonder Jim doesn't want me... 

I snap out of my thoughts when Scotty speaks, his voice gravelly and pained, like he hasn't spoken much in days. "It's my fault. I should've gone down there with her. Maybe then it would be me stuck in a coma and not her.." 

I want to comfort him, but I find that if I open my mouth, I'll break down. So I don't. I press my lips together and turn my gaze to the bedside table where a small deep purple larva lamp rests. It's turned off, the lumps of larva sat at the bottom of the glass container. The hint of life that could be, and the promise that when power returns to it it will grow alive again. That's all that needs to happen to T'Paige. She's not dead. No one here is dead. Sometimes things feel nonexistent, dead, gone, but they're not, they are just waiting to be awakened again. 

I turn and leave the room, unable to take it anymore. I lean back against the hard wall by the door, dropping my head back to stare at the ceiling as my vision focuses and blurs, allowing the tears to run down my cheeks. I feel disembodied, like a spirit, floating outside my own body. 

I don't feel like Leonard McCoy at all. Leonard McCoy doesn't cry, he's the cranky old guy that sits next to you in a shuttle craft, warning you about shit in space and opening himself up to his own fears. He's the guy who always ends up saving the cutest bastards in the galaxy. He's the one who falls in love the wrong way. I don't want to be Leonard McCoy anymore. I don't want to be stuck in this body another second. I go to my office, take out a bottle of Bourbon from my secret draw and down as much as I can before passing out. 

I hate it. Even now, I'm doing the things Leonard McCoy does. 

There's no escaping from yourself.

Kirk Pov

It's been a crazy few hours for both of us, contained in our room in sick bay with the most insane amounts of adrenaline I've ever felt surging through us every half second. It's worst when Bones is in the room, as he forces us to stay on the bed. He hasn't been back in a while. 

I sit up, giving a small yawn. I'm tired now. I turn my head to Spock. 

He still looks pretty high on whatever shit Bones gave us. "Jim!" He exclaims, motioning for me to come to him. 

I shake my head,"Naw, Spocky. My legs are dead," 

He frowns, and in a second he's beside me on the bed, his beautiful dark eyes wide on me. 

"Hey," I whisper. 

"Hey," he replies, his voice husky. 

God. 

He crawls closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. 

I stifle a giggle. God, I think I want to get Spock high more often. 

"T'hy'la," he begins, swallowing visibly. 

"Yeah, Spocky?" I answer, wiggling my eyebrows at him. 

He blushes slightly green. He opens his mouth to speak again, but at that moment the door to our room opens and a very disheveled looking Bones stumbles inside. 

He looks waisted. That's not like him. He would never get drunk on duty like this. 

I jump a little as Spock grips my arm tightly, a low growling sound emptying from him. 

I turn to him, "Spock? Hey, calm down. Bones won't hurt you," I tell him, pressing a small kiss to his forehead. 

He growls again, tightening his grip around me before leaning his head in to start kissing my neck. 

I bite my lip, trying my best not to make a sound. 

Bones stares on at us for a second before advancing closer. 

"Hey Bones," I manage, giving him my usual joking smile. 

"Jim," he slurs, taking a shaky step towards me. 

I glance at Spock, who's point blank refusing to get his mouth off me. Do I care? No, I love it. I giggle despite myself. 

Spock murmurs something indecipherable against my neck. 

"What was that, T'hy'la?" I question, automatically using the Vulcan term. 

"You are mine," Spock murmurs, biting gently. 

I gasp, gripping the sheets a little tighter. 

I notice Bones is just standing there, his drunk form looking terribly out of place. His legs are shaking slightly and his eyes are fixed on me in what seems to be a lustful gaze. 

Fuck. 

"Jim~" Spock purrs, oblivious to Bones beginning to make a move. 

"Uh, spo- ahh.." 

I gasp, feeling another mouth latch onto me from the other side. "Bones.. nghhh... you're .. d.. dr- ahh.. drunk.." I manage, writhing a little.

God fucking hell. 

"Bones! St... ah.. stop!" I exclaim, trying to pull out of his grip. 

Spock gives a loud growl and I realise with horror that he's spotted Bones. He yanks me to him, growling even louder. "Leave McCoy! He is mine! I have claimed him!" He growls, his nails digging into my arm. 

Bones glares at him, before grabbing my arm and pulling me against him, his alcohol scented breath coating my face. "He's mine!" Bones yells. 

"MINE!" Spock snarls, ripping me from Bones' hold. "STAY AWAY! HE IS T'HY'LA! HE IS MINE!" He snarls, swinging me onto his back. 

I yelp, holding onto him for dear life as he gets up and sprints out of the room with me on his back. 

Fucking. 

Hell.

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter. What do you think? Did I make any mistakes you would like me to correct? But anyways hope you like it. XD


End file.
